Wikipedia:Peer review/Abebe Bikila/archive1

Abebe Bikila
I've listed this article for peer review because I have made significant improvements to the article recently and would like a second opinion. My main concerns are any POV problems that may arise because I was the only recent significant contributor. I would also like a close look taken at the lead which is entirely my addition. Please also reassess the articles rating under the relevant WikiProjects.

Thanks, &mdash; አቤል ዳዊት?(Janweh64) (talk) 10:17, 30 January 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Freikorp
 * Will complete a review of this one soon. Freikorp (talk) 06:35, 21 March 2017 (UTC)
 * Lead
 * "member of the Imperial Guard" - this sentence doesn't give much indication of what the Imperial Guard is. A few words of clarification explaining what it is would be helpful; at the very least I think you should describe it as the Ethiopian Imperial Guard. ✅
 * "Abebe was a trailblazer" - what is a trailblazer in this context? Can you wikilink that word to an appropriate article? Not being familiar with marathon sports I haven't heard of this term; even though it might not be, in the way that you've used it it strikes me as slang.
 * "before the accident that would leave him incapacitated." - I don't think this is necessary as the accident is mentioned in the very next sentence. I suggest you delete this and just specify the year of the first injury in order to distinguish it from the second one.
 * "There are many schools, venues and events named after him" - I think this could be worded better. How about: "Many schools, venues and events are named after him," ✅
 * Early Life
 * Imperial Guard is wikilinked in the lead but not at its first appearance in the body. ✅
 * 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome
 * The section about lead changes and even the amount of photos in this section strikes me as over-detailed.
 * 1964 Summer Olympics in Tokyo
 * "To this day" - have a read of WP:REALTIME ✅
 * 1965–68
 * "due to an earlier fracture to his left fibula." - when and how did this happen? It's confusing to read.✅
 * Accident and death
 * "He witnessed his countryman Mamo Wolde fail to match Abebe's twin marathon victories." - This wording seems a bit harsh on Wolde. ✅
 * Mention of Abede's death seems to come out of nowhere. Can you tie in some information about his health before he died? For example was his death completely unexpected?
 * Legacy
 * "kicked off" reads like slang ✅
 * Obviously the three sentences requesting citations need to be cited.
 * In popular culture
 * I think you should introduce 'Bikila: Ethiopia's Barefoot Olympian (2009)' before you comment on it. I.e 'Bikila: Ethiopia's Barefoot Olympian' was directed by [x] and released in 2009. According to Tim Lewis, it is a more journalistic and less forgiving biography...' ✅
 * I think you should mention Robin Williams full name, and perhaps where he said that comment, in the quote box. ✅


 * Hope this review helps. :) Freikorp (talk) 09:17, 22 March 2017 (UTC)
 * The changes you've made look good. Ping me if you want further comment on anything. Freikorp (talk) 13:31, 6 April 2017 (UTC)