Wikipedia:Peer review/Abraham Quintanilla Jr/archive2

Abraham Quintanilla Jr
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like it to be a GA article. I addressed all concerns that the GAN had to say. There may be a prose problem with this article, but I will try to get that done.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, AJona1992 (talk) 22:16, 3 June 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article, here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 13:55, 19 June 2011 (UTC)
 * I deleted the image of him in the article. Since he is a living person it is theoretically possible to obtain a free image of him, so Wikipedia policy is not to allow fair use images of such people.
 * I see this article was failed at WP:GAN with the comment Oh this is very bad, spelling and grammar mistakes throughout. Please get this copy-edited. Then it had a peer review without a copyedit. The first peer review said in part Your lack of activity means that a PR review is likely to highlight exactly the same issues as arose in the GA review.
 * Review processes like GAN and PR identify problems with articles, but are not usually places where such problems are fixed. Reviewers are almost always in short supply and do not have time to fix the problems, just point them out for the nominator to fix them. Having reviewed quite a few articles you have nominated at PR, I can say that poor grammar and spelling is a consistent problem in those articles. The problem is that a reviewer reads such articles and cannot get past the poor grammar to other problems.
 * That said here are a few issues I noticed. The first sentence does not follow WP:LEAD which says in part The article should begin with a declarative sentence telling the nonspecialist reader what (or who) is the subject. Since this man is best known as Selena's father that should be in the first sentence.
 * The italicized Abraham in the first sentence does not follow WP:ITALIC
 * In the second sentence, why is past yense (was) used? Since the man is still alive, it should be is.
 * Yet another problem sentence: Abraham is mostly known as the father of Selena, whose passion for music arose in his teens when he joined the group Los Dinos (English: The Guys) in the 1950s[3]. Here "whose" seems to refer to Selena (the noun right before it), but the phrase refers to her father.
 * Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase
 * Lots of spelling errors and odd word choices - "decent" is used where "descent" is meant
 * Article just does not make logical sense in places - for example in the lead two sentences in a row say  Abraham quit the band in the early 1970s to support his family.[9] During the mid-1970s, while trying desperately to leave the music world... WHich is it it - did he quit the band in the early 1970s, or was he still trying to leave music in the mid-1970s?
 * Or what is the middle number of six? ...the middle child of six siblings...
 * Or a choir with only three members? raham attended Ray Miller High School and soon joined with two of his friends to form a high school choir called the Gumdrops
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)