Wikipedia:Peer review/All About That Bass/archive1

All About That Bass
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe this article has potential to be a featured article in the future. An FA delegate runs and archives all my nominations a few moments after the first oppose vote. So I'm starting a peer review page to have more freedom with regards to time and actually be able to get some feedback from others. The major concern raised in the last FAC was the article wording needing to be simplified, so please post ways to do that. I also invite HĐ and SchroCat who identified this issue to hopefully assist me in fixing it. Hope for the next FAC to be successful. Thanks in advance to anyone who will provide their valuable comments.

Thanks, NØ 15:53, 23 May 2019 (UTC)

Comments from Derek
Hi, sorry for the delay. Below are some of my comments; will try to give more input in the future.


 * Writing
 * "At the time, Trainor had yet to obtain a recording contract but was writing tracks for other artists." → "but" is used when there are two contradictory events, which I can't see here
 * Kadish initially proposed the song's title to be "All Bass, No Treble"[2] to Trainor who, at the time, was in a phase of saying "I'm all about that Mexican food". → I recommend breaking this into two separate sentences
 * Trainor introduced the song's concept by saying "Let's do booty! And thickness! Like, it's about the bass, not the treble". → She did not "introduce" the theme "by" saying this; maybe something like "Trainor came up with the idea of 'booty' for the song"?
 * "1950s music and doo wop" → shouldn't it be just "1950s doo wop"?
 * "She felt encouraged by the result and envisioned..." → I can see no connection here
 * "girl power... as well as self-acceptance" → these themes seem to complement each other rather than being two separate things (which is implied by "as well as")
 * Here's my suggestion for the last sentence of the second paragraph: Further inspired by (Bruno Mars... "Lollipop"), which encourage self-acceptance of one's own image, Trainor wrote the lyrics criticizing photoshopped images. You can also try to find other ways to make it less wordy
 * Are there specific names of the labels who were not impressed by the song?
 * a synthesizer → synthesizers; synths are often in plural form
 * "Trainor recorded a demo of the song to perform for Paul Pontius" → did Trainor send the demo to Pontius, or did Trainor perform the track live in front of Pontius?
 * The caption of the image lacks context; maybe it can be written "Trainor performed the song to L.A. Reid (pictured), who ..."


 * Composition
 * I advise against incorporating opinions from different sources and putting them into one sentence (WP:SYNTH). I'd suggest to include respective description of the song's genre (A described the song as...; B characterized it as...)
 * A song doesn't "use" the 4/4 common time; it is written in the 4/4 common time; "time signature" is a wrong word here
 * "Using the 4/4 time signature with a tempo of 134 beats per minute, the song's key signature is in A major" → the subject is "the song" or "the song's key signature"?
 * Can a basic chord progression provoke a specific music style? Some specific progressions do, but for a "basic" progression, I'm not sure
 * "early 1960s soul-pop and groove" → "groove" is not a music genre
 * "earworm" is POV
 * "It was also noted to have an earworm hook, early 1960s soul-pop and groove influences, a scatting tempo and shimmying melody." → by whom? Does the soul-pop groove really need to be noted? Or is it apparent on the song itself already?
 * "Trainor delivers a hint of Caribbean reggae in addition to a variety of background vocal and rapping techniques" → I have no clue what this is trying to say
 * "The vocals of "All About That Bass" have been compared to" → by whom? And this should be in line with the simple past tense
 * "the singer" is not encouraged (WP:ELEVAR)
 * "the lyrics of "All About That Bass" provide a callout to embrace inner beauty, and to promote a positive body image and self-acceptance" → the lyrics promote self-acceptance of body image by embracing inner beauty; not the best option, but please make it succinct
 * "In the song" is redundant
 * "unreachable standards of beauty" → any specific examples? And how do these standards contradict with the song's lyrics?
 * "Its lyrical message has been compared to" → ditto
 * I see a lot of comparisons to other songs here; unless they are very necessary, I would advise against doing so. "Composition" is where the song's musical structure and lyrical content are explained; comparisons should only be used to shed more light. So far I haven't seen how the song promotes positive body image or criticizes beauty standards (which specific lyric?), and the names of other songs make the section appear unorganized

Those are my two cents so far. Will try to get back to this when I finish my college assignments and reports. I hope this PR attract more interest as well. :) HĐ (talk) 08:30, 29 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Update As detailed as the article is, I'm still reluctant to say it is well-written for FA. I'll try to give the article a copy-edit throughout, and would suggest the editors to take this to GOCE one final time. For my copy-edit, I would remove the bulk of info which I find irrelevant and/or trivial. Feel free to revert any of my edit that you find irrational, HĐ (talk) 05:06, 5 August 2019 (UTC)