Wikipedia:Peer review/Angie Bolen/archive1

Angie Bolen
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to fix any problems it has and potentially get it to GA status.

Thanks, Akcvtt (talk) 07:36, 22 January 2012 (UTC)

Comments by Sarastro1: This looks fairly solid and should not have too many problems achieving GA. I have reviewed more with FA in mind and it should pass GA easily if these issues are cleared up. However, I am no expert in TV series/character articles and may have missed some things. And I have never watched the series. --Sarastro1 (talk) 13:58, 29 January 2012 (UTC) I do not watch PRs, so if there are any comments or questions, please use my talk page. --Sarastro1 (talk) 13:58, 29 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Not sure the first two refs are needed in the lead, and maybe the quote which uses ref 3 may be better used in the main body.
 * "are the center of the series' yearly mystery": Never having watched this, it may be worth a sentence explaining what this means (presumably some issue which lasts for the length of a season, but what form does the mystery take?). And is "mystery" the official term used by the producers/writers?
 * "Although critics initially embraced…" I can imagine fans embracing a character, but not critics. Welcomed? But embraced is not really encyclopaedic in this sense.
 * "Many critics compared Angie to Betty Applewhite (Alfre Woodard), a character whose lagging storyline was the focus of the series' second season mystery.": A little similar to the start of the previous sentence. Maybe combine them "… and compared the character to Betty Applewhite whose lagging storyline [was the focus of the series' second season mystery: too much redundancy here?] featured in the second season."
 * What is a "lagging storyline"? A little vague. I imagine it means a character with similar slow development, but this should be spelt out to avoid ambiguity.
 * "Marc Cherry and his writing staff strove": A little too much like a publicity piece. Maybe "aimed to" rather than "strove".
 * "was immediately offered the role following its conception ": Redundancy?
 * "She explained, "Now that I am old and don't really care, and remember how much fun I had playing that character."": Something missing from the quote here as it does not quite make sense as presented.
 * For this section, could be have some dates for the character development and for de Matteo's casting? Otherwise, the "In November 2009…" paragraph lacks context.
 * "In November 2009, rumors that de Matteo was being released from her contract due to budgetary concerns were shot down by Cherry, who insisted that the actor would appear in 20 of the season's 23 episodes." I'm not sure the first part of the sentence works here; also, "Shot down" is not encyclopaedic. And did she appear in 20 episodes? I think it should be kept factual rather than relying on the quote. Maybe something like: "Although it was rumored in November 2009 that de Matteo was to be released from her contract due to budgetary concerns, the actress appeared in 20 of the season's 23 episodes and Cherry denied that there was a problem. However…"
 * "She has also been described as "icy."" By who?
 * The personality and characteristics section feels light. Rather than pre-series publicity, what about some comments from critics about her personality? And maybe a few more descriptions from the series.
 * "Patrick asked her to build a bomb…" Probably should be "Logan" rather than "Patrick" throughout this section.
 * And it may be better to use the characters' surnames throughout, although I am not sure of the convention in articles on TV series.
 * Presumably her background was only revealed at the end of the season? Perhaps this should be made clear, as the plot synopsis suggests this was known at the start.
 * Why do we need a "Season Six" section if this was her only season?
 * "Danny is the primary suspect of the crime…: Why not "Danny is the main/prime suspect"? No need for "of the crime".
 * "befriends Angie while experiencing a nervous breakdown as a result of Mike Delfino (James Denton) marrying Susan rather than her.": Do we need to know the cause of her breakdown in an article on another character? I would end the sentence after "breakdown".
 * "but is killed by a small plane that takes an emergency landing on Wisteria Lane soon after" Perhaps "makes an emergency landing".
 * When was Patrick introduced into the series? Maybe this could be made clear, as he is only introduced in the overview section.
 * "However, his interest in the storyline was renewed when John Barrowman joined the appeared as Patrick Logan": "joined the appeared" needs fixing
 * "Cooper also enjoyed the conclusion of Angie's storyline, scoring her plot in the season finale with a 'B.'" Punctuation off here: should be "B" with the period outside. Also, what does "B" mean in this context? Finally, "and scored her plot "B"" may work better.
 * "stating that the audience ad other characters were not invested enough": Typo.
 * I have not reviewed sourcing or performed spot checks for accurate representation of sources or close paraphrasing/copyvio.
 * I'm not sure two non-free images of the character are justified and would probably remove the second.