Wikipedia:Peer review/Anna May Wong/archive1

Anna May Wong
This peer review discussion has been closed. Article was recently promoted to GA. This is a request to review the quality of the article before we list it as an FAC. Hong Qi Gong (Talk - Contribs) 18:06, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This article is excellent and close to FA already. It's comprehensive, well-sourced, and well-written. I have a few small suggestions for improvement.


 * Generally, it's better to have the eyes in photos looking into the page. The infobox does this well, but the photo in the "Early career" section would be better positioned on the right since the eyes look to the left. The photo in "Stardom" would be better on the left since the eyes look to the right. Wong and Dietrich should be on the right, looking left. ✅ (left the Dietrich/Wong in place because it's right above another right-aligned image)


 * The images section of the Manual of Style says, "Do not place left-aligned images directly below second-level (===) headings, as this disconnects the heading from the text it precedes." If you move the "Stardom" photo to the left, you'll also need to move it down a bit to keeping from bumping a second-level head.✅


 * "Among" is preferable to "amongst" in the phrase "amongst mostly Mexican and Eastern European families". Ditto "unbeknownst" in the phrase "Unbeknownst to her father"; "without her father's knowledge" would be better. ✅


 * Generally, numbers from one to nine are written as words and numbers from 10 and up are written as digits. "By the age of eleven Wong" would be "By the age of 11 Wong". I see a few more of these scattered here and there.✅ (couldn't find the "few others"-- will look again later) done-- found one more


 * I would consider breaking into two paragraphs the long paragraph at the end of the "Return to Hollywood" section to give the reader a bit of a rest.✅


 * Put a space on each side of an ellipsis, except at the very start or end of a quotation.


 * Look for constructions such as "167 performances" and add a no-break code to keep the number from being separated from the noun by line-wrap. See WP:NBSP.✅
 * I see a couple of ampersands in the Bibliography that should be changed to "and". They are OK in corporate names if that is what the corporation uses, but "Zia, Helen & Susan B. Gall" should be "Zia, Helen, and Gall, Susan B."✅


 * The sentence, "Lady from Chungking was different from the usual Hollywood war film in that the Chinese themselves are the heroes, rather than American heroes rescuing the Chinese", is a bit awkward. I might suggest, "Lady from Chungking differed from the usual Hollywood war film in that the Chinese were portrayed as heroes rather than as victims rescued by Americans."✅


 * The sentence, "A paragon of fashion and beauty, both Wong's image and career have left a lasting legacy", is also a bit awkward. I might suggest, "A paragon of fashion and beauty, Wong left a lasting legacy through her career." Better yet, think about abandoning this sentence, which is peacock POVish, and just begin with the second sentence: "Through her films, public appearances, and magazine features, Wong..."✅

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Finetooth (talk) 06:25, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I would suggest seeking one more fresh set of eyes for a final light copyedit. A few bits of punctuation should probably be changed, and I'd substitute "that" for "which" in a few places.