Wikipedia:Peer review/Apollo 13/archive1

Apollo 13
I've listed this article for peer review because… I and other editors would like to get it to FAC in advance of the 50th anniversary next year. Opinions on how the sections should be ordered, for example whether the material on the training on Earth for the lunar landing which did not take place should be prior to or following the material on the flight would be welcome as the matter is in some controversy has caused some discussion among the editors working on the article.

Thanks, Wehwalt (talk) 06:18, 12 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think controversy is too strong a word. It's something I thought we should discuss at some point. EEng 06:39, 12 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Modified by striking through language above and adding in bold.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:51, 12 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think you're taking this too seriously. EEng 07:14, 12 November 2019 (UTC)

Comments from Tim riley
Just booking myself a place. I'll gladly review the article – probably tomorrow, I hope.  Tim riley  talk   13:37, 12 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Wow! I'll hold fire for now, what with the impressive contributions below.  Tim riley  talk   18:50, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think the other comment sections have died down in activity in case you find time to review this.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:56, 26 November 2019 (UTC)

Comments from Hawkeye7
The following are just a list of opinions.
 * Astronauts and key Mission Control personnel:
 * The section talks about how the Apollo 7 crew were rotated to become the backup of Apollo 10, and then the prime crew of Apollo 13. I would also describe how that of Apollo 8 became the backup of Apollo 11 (with Lovell, Haise, Anders and Mattingly).
 * I had glossed that over a bit due to the complexity of the explanation (Anders as backup CMP but Mattingly training alongside as Anders was leaving NASA in August 1969 and the mission might have been postponed). I could go either way on it.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:31, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Shepard had not been grounded since 1961, he had been grounded since 1964. His last spaceflight was in 1961. That it was only 15 minutes long may have contributed to the perception that he needed more training time.
 * I've changed that to note he had not flown since 1961.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:36, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * With respect to Mattingly and rubella, I would add that, in the event, Mattingly did not come down with rubella.
 * Added. If the "Aftermath" section is liked, it could be moved there.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:52, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * I think we should also mention the Apollo 13 support crew
 * Moved up from other section  Kees08  (Talk)   06:15, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * We still have the issue of the uncertainty of the support crew membership.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:31, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Not in love with what I did to the article to address this, but not sure what else to do.  Kees08  (Talk)   22:20, 17 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Launch vehicle and spacecraft
 * "the rocket was 25,600 pounds" Suggest weighed 25,600 pounds
 * It turns into this, not sure it sounds better. Including the spacecraft, the rocket weighed 25,600 pounds (11,600 kg) more than Apollo 12's., break the tie here?  Kees08  (Talk)   06:07, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think it is OK with "was".--Wehwalt (talk) 06:55, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Overcome by events, removed that part of the sentence.  Kees08  (Talk)   00:44, 17 November 2019 (UTC)


 * We should mention where the names Aquarius and Odessey came from (WP:NOBOOMERS)
 * As you found out later, this is in one of the last sections. I will leave it to Wehwalt if he wants to move it to where you suggest (I prefer it there, personally).  Kees08  (Talk)   06:27, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I'm rather torn. I see the logic in moving it to later, but we want to have some consistency with the other Apollo articles.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:38, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Seems less chronological this way, what is the logic behind having it towards the end? I could be persuaded to have other Apollo mission articles reorganized.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:40, 14 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Launch vehicle and spacecraft:
 * Link S-IC. (It should be a Roman I instead of a 1.) I would suggest "S-IC stage's engines" to avoid confusion. The engines were Rocketdyne F-1s
 * Done  Kees08  (Talk)   06:04, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * "rated at 100,000 pounds (45,000 kg) less total thrust" The conversion is wrong here. These are pounds force, and the conversion should be to newtons. Yet another reason for using metric.
 * Oh hey, I fixed this as I was fixing the above. Thanks.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:04, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * The metric measurements should be given first. Use flip in the convert template. (WP:METRIC)
 * Presumably you are saying because of In non-scientific articles with strong ties to the United States, the primary units are US customary, e.g. 97 pounds (44 kg)., so calling it a scientific article? When I think of Apollo, or do rocket engine design work in real life, I use US customary units. I do not feel super strong about it, but it feels odd to list American rockets in kilograms.  Kees08  (Talk)   03:52, 18 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Definitely a scientific article, metric first; it's cases like this that flip was invented for. Beware false overprecision in the converted values. EEng 06:21, 18 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Suggest moving the paragraph on Fra Mauro down to the Experiments and scientific objectives
 * Did that.--Wehwalt (talk) 09:14, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Training and preparation:
 * Roosa is overlinked.
 * Fixed  Kees08  (Talk)   06:04, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Flight of Apollo 13
 * Why are we linking a See Also to another section in the same article?
 * I felt we needed to explain the accident separately from the section on the flight, but if we don't direct the reader to where it is, they may be somewhat lost.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:40, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Suggest paragraph break after "We've had a Main B Bus undervolt"
 * Done, seems like a good spot for one  Kees08  (Talk)   06:31, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Full stop after "died"
 * Done  Kees08  (Talk)   06:30, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Suggest moving the fate of the LM and SNAP from Hardware disposition to the RE-entry section.
 * Did that. Moved the fate of the CM/Lovell's stuff into the new Aftermath section.--Wehwalt (talk) 09:33, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Richard Nixon appears before he is linked
 * Fixed  Kees08  (Talk)   06:46, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Suggest moving the Medal of Freedom awards to the Public and media reaction section
 * I like it where it is and will leave the tiebreaker to (unless you feel strongly)   Kees08  (Talk)   06:47, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Investigation and response
 * Recommended folding note 1 into the text.
 * I think that is a bit information dense and specific for this topic, I think the options are leave it where it is or delete the note. I can be persuaded.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:21, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Suggest moving the second paragraph of Mission notes into Changes in response
 * That is a real specific thing sourced to 'my little space museum' (which is apparently an expired, for purchase domain), is it really notable enough to include here? I wonder if other experiments meant for Apollo 13 were never flown. Would you be for salvaging the first sentence and deleting the part about The Lunar Atmosphere Detector, possibly migrating it over to the Apollo Lunar Surface Experiment Package article?  Kees08  (Talk)   06:25, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Mission notes
 * This seems to be a trivia section. Suggest breaking it up and moving its paragraphs elsewhere
 * I agree, at some point I was working to get rid of it and must have gotten sidetracked. I will try to find homes for the content...  Kees08  (Talk)   06:17, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I've renamed it "Aftermath" which I think will work if we move the record distance from Earth bit into the flight section, and replace the detail on the ALSEP with other matter. For example, that Haise was the CAPCOM during the descent. Possibly a few words on why the astronauts did not fly again would be good. I don't think a device by device comparison between ALSEP components aids the general reader.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:04, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Mission insignia and call signs
 * Suggest moving this up to become the second section
 * Suggest moving the support crew and CAPCOMs into the Astronauts and key Mission Control personnel section
 * Agreed, seems logical.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:15, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * See Also
 * Delete this section
 * Done.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:55, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Hawkeye7  (discuss)  23:34, 12 November 2019 (UTC)

SC
In excellent shape overall. The following are a mix of nit-picky points and some suggestions from a non-technical individual. Your call on which to adopt or not.


 * General
 * There are a few abbreviation that are defined in the lead, but not in the body and some that are defined in both. The following are in the lead:
 * "Kennedy Space Center (KSC)". KSC doesn't appear again in the lead. KSC appears in Launch vehicle, but is then defined again as "Kennedy Space Center (KSC)" in Training and preparation section
 * Got this one  Kees08  (Talk)   06:50, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * "service module (SM)". SM appears in Launch vehicle and spacecraft without being defined after the lead
 * Abbreviation introduced  Kees08  (Talk)   16:37, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * "lunar module pilot (LMP)". LMP doesn't appear again in the lead
 * Not sure what you want here, should I not introduce the LMP and CMP acronyms in the lead..?  Kees08  (Talk)   16:37, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Clarification?  Kees08  (Talk)   17:12, 27 November 2019 (UTC)
 * You can remove the LMP abbreviation in the lead (it's not an acronym, btw) because it is not used again in the lead. CMP is repeated a couple of times, so it should stay. - SchroCat (talk) 17:22, 27 November 2019 (UTC)
 * "Command module (CM)". CM appears in Launch vehicle and spacecraft without being defined after the lead
 * Abbreviation introduced  Kees08  (Talk)   16:37, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * "lunar module (LM)". LM appears in Launch vehicle and spacecraft without being defined after the lead
 * Abbreviation introduced  Kees08  (Talk)   16:37, 16 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Astronauts and key Mission Control personnel
 * "The mission commander": "Apollo 13's mission commander"?
 * Has something changed since you suggested this? I do not understand the recommendation.  Kees08  (Talk)   16:38, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Clarification?  Kees08  (Talk)   17:12, 27 November 2019 (UTC)
 * This has since been changed - nothing more needed. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 17:22, 27 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Link to Air National Guard – us non-Ams won't necessarily know what it is otherwise
 * Linked and capitalized per that  Kees08  (Talk)   16:30, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * "a civilian research pilot for NASA" I don't think we have to define the abbreviation, but a link on this first mention seems advisable.
 * Wikilinked  Kees08  (Talk)   16:37, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Is "backup" one word in AmEng? (It's either two or hyphenated in BrEng)
 * Yes.--Wehwalt (talk) 10:52, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Launch vehicle and spacecraft
 * "heavier than Apollo 12's": link to Apollo 12?
 * Done  Kees08  (Talk)   16:30, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * As you've told us how much heavier than the previous rocket, could you let us know how much this one weighed?
 * It is about 6.4 million pounds but the source doesn't give the exact figure. The source is, in part, a statement by a NASA official at a press conference, and the exact weight is asked for by a report, who is promised he will be given the figure later. Possibly we can do without it.--Wehwalt (talk) 10:51, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Page 284  Kees08  (Talk)   16:30, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Added  Kees08  (Talk)   16:49, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * In an effort to trim detail, does it matter that it weighed more than Apollo 12? If anything we should comment on its weight relative to all the same mission types, but that is probably overkill.  Kees08  (Talk)   17:16, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * No, if it's too much detail, then it's too much detail.--Wehwalt (talk) 17:30, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Okay, got that taken care of.  Kees08  (Talk)   00:44, 17 November 2019 (UTC)

Done to the end of Launch vehicle – more to come. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 09:21, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Experiments
 * Link to seismometer?
 * Linked  Kees08  (Talk)   07:26, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * "had gotten thirsty"; "gotten" still jars to my ears – I think the last time we discussed this it was described as informal. Any chance it could be "had become thirsty" or "had been thirsty"?
 * Ended up removing it, will revisit this if would like to add it back (see my edit summary for rationale though).   Kees08  (Talk)   07:46, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Though, since nothing is ever easy, Bean thinks Conrad's comment could have been what triggered NASA to make the drink bags.  Kees08  (Talk)   07:49, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I can live with it as is. I'm sure that there's more to be said about it but given that they were not used in the manner planned, we should probably stick to essentials.--Wehwalt (talk) 07:35, 26 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Link to bistatic radar?
 * Linked  Kees08  (Talk)   07:26, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * The final paragraph of the section ("Several experiments were completed..." jars a little as we're still practising on earth at the moment, but I guess there is nowhere else it could happily sit and still make sense.
 * If Aftermath stays as a section then I think that would be a great home for it, thoughts?   Kees08  (Talk)   16:54, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Decided to use WP:BRD and did it; if you disagree feel free to revert.  Kees08  (Talk)   03:44, 18 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Looping
 * "checked the math": please can they check the calculations instead – "math", (without the s on the end that much of the word uses) really does jar!
 * I would rather avoid using calculations twice in that sentence; I rephrased the sentence a bit but not in a way that helped this point.  Kees08  (Talk)   07:25, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Changed to "figures".--Wehwalt (talk) 23:50, 23 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Reentry
 * "The LM re-entered Earth's" Is that really hyphenated? I would have thought not, particularly given the number of "reentry"s there are
 * Removed the hyphen  Kees08  (Talk)   07:25, 16 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Sources
 * The Larsen source isn't used: this should either be removed or moved into Further reading
 * Do you know what happened here? I used this for the pogo information I believe.  Kees08  (Talk)   07:00, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think I cut back on the pogo discussion when working on the article, and probably that caused it. We can either use it for something or else put it in Further Reading.--Wehwalt (talk) 10:32, 26 November 2019 (UTC)


 * I'm not a big fan of " Chichester, UK" and "Cambridge, UK" as locations. "Chichester, West Sussex" and "Cambridge, Cambridgeshire" would be consistent with the format of the other locations, unless you want to go down the "New York, USA" route.
 * Not that we have to follow it, but the book lists Chichester, UK and for the other case should it just be New York?  Kees08  (Talk)   06:39, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * It should be consistent for all. - SchroCat (talk) 07:12, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I will change it per your suggestion, but do you know what I should do for the second one? It seems like the publishing city is just New York, am I reading that right? That is what I would have put if I made the citation.  Kees08  (Talk)   16:53, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Either New York or New York, NY would be fine in my opinion and I don't think if you use US state names you have to use British counties etc. They aren't parallels.--Wehwalt (talk) 10:32, 26 November 2019 (UTC)

That's it from me. Nicely organised – the "Several experiments were completed..." para is the only thing that is slightly out of kilter, but I'm not sure where else it could or should go – and there is nothing that I could think of as obviously missing (that is from someone who hasn't read deeply into the subject, so there may be something, I just don't know what it could be). Cheers – SchroCat (talk) 22:34, 13 November 2019 (UTC)

Asked for clarification on a couple points; let me know if any other changes did not address your comments sufficiently.  Kees08  (Talk)   17:12, 27 November 2019 (UTC)

Gog the Mild
Some random thoughts from me rather than a proper review.


 * It seems (quite a bit) too long at over 8,000 words. If it were at FAC I would have criteria 4 concerns. For example (not exhaustive):
 * "The show also featured a "guest" astronaut each night: a member of the public who suited up and amongst other duties, stirred the oxygen tanks and said the line "Houston, we've had a problem." This "replacement" astronaut was a nod to Swigert, who replaced Mattingly shortly before launch. The production toured to other cities extensively in New Zealand and Australia in 2010–2011. The production traveled to the US and performed 45 shows in 2012."
 * "...who based it on a mural he had painted for The St. Regis Hotel in New York City ... and was on the wall of a restaurant near Chicago owned by Lovell's son. After the restaurant closed down..."
 * IMO most of the paragraphs of "Aftermath" need summarising.


 * I'm looking through for things to cut. Given the length of other Apollo mission FAs, I think this will probably be a bit longer than say, Apollo 15, because there are extra things to cover and I think we have to cover the spaceflight in some detail (including with an eye to the film).--Wehwalt (talk) 19:55, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I may have views on the lengths of the others, ; I am coming to this fresh. But, for example, specifying that a mural was once on a wall(!) of somewhere where it isn't any more doesn't pass my "without going into unnecessary detail"; others may differ. I don't think that you will need to look far to find uncontentious things to cut. Trying to find an example to give you from a different section the first paragraph yielded "Because of the aborted landing, this experiment was never deployed." I suspect that if a reader needs to be informed of this then they have not been paying attention. I would go quite a bit further with this paragraph, but, again, others' views may differ. Or "Apollo 13's unique free return trajectory caused it to go approximately 100 km (60 mi) further from the lunar far side than other Apollo lunar missions, but this was a minor contribution to the record." If it was minor, why mention it? Etc. Gog the Mild (talk) 20:14, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * You're misreading it Gog. Most experiments that were not deployed by Apollo 13 were deployed by subsequent Apollo missions, but this one never was, so it represents a permanent loss. I would recommend deleting "Because of the aborted landing". Similarly, that we should drop "but this was a minor contribution to the record", which doesn't contribute anything to the article.   Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:03, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Three things I expanded because they were incomplete; the painting, the play, and the distance record. We can trim them down some, but at least the information from beginning to end is there to start with.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:52, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * You bring up good points overall and I thank you for that. With respect to the free return trajectory point though, it is often cited as the reason that Apollo 13 is the mission that went furthest from Earth, when in reality it was the position of the Earth and Moon. I could add something to that effect in the article to make it more clear, but that would be counterproductive to your goal here :).  Kees08  (Talk)   06:55, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I read through it as far as the splashdown and deleted a few sentences, but I still feel the length is due to there being a lot to cover. I'll keep working.--Wehwalt (talk) 07:06, 15 November 2019 (UTC)


 * How the article currently is, with the training on Earth for the lunar landing which did not take place covered prior to the material on the flight, seems best. Linking this training in with the other training makes things easier on the reader; it follows the actual chronological flow of events, and I see no reason why one would not wish to do that; and having to jump back to the training which took place earlier after reading about the mission would probably tie a reader's brain in a knot - it would mine anyway, but I am easily confused.

Gog the Mild (talk) 15:30, 13 November 2019 (UTC)
 * While I admittedly did not work much on these points, Wehwalt put a lot of effort into addressing them, would you have time to take a second look?  Kees08  (Talk)   06:49, 26 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Hi guys. As this is PR and not FAC, I understand my role to be to flag up potential concerns; there is no necessary need for you to address them, or for me to sign off on the changes if you do. However, for what it's worth, I still find the article a little on the lengthy side. But I do take Wehwalt's point that "the length is due to there being a lot to cover." One could readily see it as a thorough and detailed article (which it is). Criteria 4-wise it is pushing the boundary, in my eye, but, mostly, not actually over it. A couple of things stand out to me as being over the line into trivia, YMMV, are the last paragraph on the theatrical show; and the mention of the mural, itself only tangentially related to the article, being at a location which has since closed and from where it has since been moved. This last in particular gives me the "feel" that no one has done that self-critical post-creation edit to tighten the language and the article up. I am probably wrong, but that is how it comes across. Gog the Mild (talk) 12:57, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I've cut the New Zealand stage show and pruned back the mural and the joke invoice, which I felt was vulnerable to similar criticisms. Thank you for your frank review.--Wehwalt (talk) 14:17, 26 November 2019 (UTC)

Comments from Coffeeandcrumbs
I like to start from the bottom and go up since I focus on referencing. Ref numbers as of Special:Permalink/926101497 To be continued. --- Coffee  and crumbs  08:16, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Turnill 2003 is available on Gbooks, since only a single page is referenced, I suggest a link to https://books.google.com/books?id=ou5ofrRh4-kC&pg=PA316
 * Done  Kees08  (Talk)   06:26, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Same for Slayton & Cassutt 1994, https://books.google.com/books?id=z8vl46GV2JYC&pg=PA236
 * Done  Kees08  (Talk)   06:26, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Kranz 2000, https://books.google.com/books?id=slQZ3JOUSKQC&pg=PA307
 * Done  Kees08  (Talk)   06:26, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Ref#170:
 * the source title (even the 2013 archive) does not include "Having a blast". Maybe the print version did but that is not what we are referencing here
 * the article was published on May 8, 2013, not on March 26, which was the date it was updated online
 * I doubt the page number is useful (or even accurate) in this context considering above
 * add location Wellington, New Zealand, for consistency
 * Seems reasonable to me, changes made.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:30, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Ref#169:
 * byline states author is Scott Kara
 * Sigh, I just realized what byline means. Added.  Kees08  (Talk)   05:50, 15 November 2019 (UTC)
 * newspapers name is The New Zealand Herald
 * Added, along with publisher  Kees08  (Talk)   05:51, 15 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Ref#166: the original is available here
 * Freer versions are preferred on Wikipedia, so the Newspapers.com free clipping wins out over the partially-free New York Times, unless there is a way to link the New York Times into this citation that I am not sure of.  Kees08  (Talk)   05:50, 15 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Ref#165: page number is 4A
 * Nice catch (I wish there was a way for me to fix it in the Newspapers.com preview so I did not grab the wrong page number!)  Kees08  (Talk)   05:50, 15 November 2019 (UTC)
 * , no big deal but you can re-clip it to include the page number. Going to this page allows you to recrop: . The popup with your user name on it should have an "Edit" feature. The link remains the same.--- Coffee  and crumbs  08:59, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Can non-members zoom in on the page? I always try to keep the clippings as small as possible so folks without an account can easily view the content. Otherwise good idea.  Kees08  (Talk)   16:24, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I like to put some details like page number in the comments for the Newspapers.com clipping. This shows up for non-members to see. See new clipping in this edit. --- Coffee  and crumbs  07:24, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Okay I have done that on all of them, I added the title and page number since the title is not part of the metadata and the page number can be wrong.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:39, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Refs #161 and #162 are almost identical in content. Although 161 is a shorter version of 162, 161 is a better Newspapers.com clipping for verifiability. Everything you need to verify can be seen in 161
 * Fair, I fixed the page number on this too  Kees08  (Talk)   05:50, 15 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think I fixed the rest of the page numbers.  Kees08  (Talk)   07:02, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the ping. I will see if I can take some time to offer more comments from the body in the next few days. I am not sure how peer reviews work but if this closes before I can comment again, I will see you all at the FAC. --- Coffee  and crumbs  07:12, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think we get to close it whenever we want?  Kees08  (Talk)   06:39, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Yes.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:01, 26 November 2019 (UTC)


 * Note to self to actually pick up All We Did was Fly to the Moon from my bookshelf and move it from further reading to references.  Kees08  (Talk)   05:55, 15 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Done  Kees08  (Talk)   07:02, 25 November 2019 (UTC)

Also note to self to say something about what happened to the astronauts afterwards, to move a slimmed down version of the record distance from Earth into the appropriate place in the Flight section, and to move more info about the SIV-B crash up to the first time we mention what they did with it. Also that Haise was descent and EVA-2 (Cone crater) CAPCOM for 14. I'm busy with travel and my quarterly duties as a TFA coordinator so not a huge amount of time now.--Wehwalt (talk) 07:52, 18 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I generally like the summary you have for the record distance, but could we still include that the distance was primarily due to the distance between the Moon and Earth at that time, and did not really have to do with the gravity assist maneuver? It is a common misconception that probably at least deserves a footnote.  Kees08  (Talk)   07:02, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Footnote is fine. Done.--Wehwalt (talk) 07:15, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Thank you, looks great. I had brought it up to some coworkers, including an astrodynamicist, and none of them knew, so I believe it is a very common misconception. Is there anything else from your list here that needs work?  Kees08  (Talk)   17:31, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * No, I'm done on that. What remains that needs to be done overall?--Wehwalt (talk) 20:00, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * There is one point at the end of Schrocat's comments that I could use help on (in sources). Could use your feedback on drink bags. Do we want the mission insignia and call signs section to move? We need to flip metric units in front. Think that might be it so far.  Kees08  (Talk)   06:55, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I've done those things, excepting one use of "convert" in the "Accident" subsection that converts to two other styles of measurement and that I wasn't sure what to do with. I've paid attention to not bringing in false precision.--Wehwalt (talk) 11:43, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * The last thing I can think of is the pogo in the rocket engine. I would prefer some mention of it to remain in the article, but won't raise a stink if we decide to get rid of it. If we keep pogo out of the article we need to remove the reference that was referring to it.  Kees08  (Talk)   18:44, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I think we should keep it. It's probably the most significant difficulty prior to the accident.--Wehwalt (talk) 19:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Note that in the process, the Larson link is no longer used. I think it should be restored. I personally think the incident was important: It was estimated in the post-flight investigation that only one more cycle of amplitude growth could have been sustained without catastrophic structural failure. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  21:15, 26 November 2019 (UTC)
 * No objection.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:44, 27 November 2019 (UTC)
 * I reintroduced all the text, made it a separate paragraph, and trimmed it as hard as I could while still giving background on the problem, the possible solution, and the almost-catastrophic failure. Let me know your thoughts.  Kees08  (Talk)   17:10, 27 November 2019 (UTC)

Comments from Geni

 * The sentence "The flight passed the far side of the Moon at an altitude of 254 kilometers (137 nautical miles) above the lunar surface, and 400,171 km (248,655 mi) from Earth, a spaceflight record marking the farthest humans have traveled from Earth." is sandwiched between two sentences about events after the mission.

©Geni (talk) 18:24, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Yeah it was weird there. I could not find a good home for it in the intro, and in my opinion is fine to leave in the body of the article for the reader to find later. The intro reads better without it in my opinion but open to other opinions.  Kees08  (Talk)   01:01, 17 November 2019 (UTC)