Wikipedia:Peer review/Apple II series/archive1

Apple II series
This is currently a very well written, and generally good article. However, its lacking references, which is holding it back from becoming featured. I'm sure it needs something else though, anyone care to comment on how it can be improved? — Wackymacs 20:12, 12 August 2006 (UTC) Opabinia regalis 22:50, 12 August 2006 (UTC)
 * The section "The original Apple II" is very lengthy and should be broken down into subsections. Maybe one section for the 'standard' equipment and one section on the design process.
 * There's a faint air of fanboyism in the history section, especially in the discussion of Woz and his "design sensibility".
 * The history section says that "quirky and brilliant programmers" were the platform's "lifeblood" but the lead emphasizes the use of the Apple II by non-experts in business and education. Somewhere there needs to be a link between these two things; explicitly state that one reason for the Apple II's popularity with non-experts was the wide range of software distributed for it. (I assume that's the case; I've never been a Mac person and I'm not terribly familiar with the history.)
 * The "Models" section is very long - since many of these models actually have their own articles, consider condensing and summarizing the material in this one to preserve readability.
 * There's not much coverage of the marketing of the Apple II. How, where, and to whom was it advertised? Did it ever ship with a monitor or other peripherals? Was the educational popularity propelled by discount pricing on the hardware? Etc.
 * On similar lines, the "Industry impact" section mentions that Apple II's were often bought just to run VisiCalc - what were the other options? How long was VisiCalc Apple II-only? Did Apple's later products really compete directly with the Apple II or were they targeting other markets?
 * Any criticisms of the Apple II that are relevant and notable?


 * Some things I noticed just in the "Origins" section:
 * The original retail prices should be cited.
 * Calling Wozniak by his nickname "Woz" is too chummy. The nickname can be mentioned at his own article, but here it should be spelled out "Wozniak" each time.
 * "Woz laid out the circuit board several times..." I am not sure what "laid out" means here (Formulated a design? Physically placed the computer parts in front of himself to examine? Explained to others?) and the whole sentence is a bit awkward.
 * "The Apple II's brilliant quirks served as a gauntlet that drew scores of equally quirky and brilliant programmers to the platform: these people became the Apple II's lifeblood." This sentence seems out of place in a neutral encyclopedia article, and as Opabinia notes, it seems at cross-purposes with the machine's previously stated aims.
 * Where were these computers physically assembled? Or is this not particularly relevant?
 * More to come. Andrew Levine 00:36, 13 August 2006 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ t 23:47, 16 August 2006 (UTC)