Wikipedia:Peer review/Aquinas College, Perth/archive1

Aquinas College, Perth
This article has suffered from an over abundance of information, some information has been use to create daughter articles, a good selection of refernces. Whats been sort is thoughts on style and content which sections need expansion and what needs to reduced. All comments are appreciated. Gnangarra 22:44, 3 January 2007 (UTC)

Just some thoughts -
 * Too many one paragraph sections.
 * Canning River image appears twice.
 * Too many lists
 * School Song unnecessary and is a possible copyright violation.
 * Some images of either the campus or students . I think Scotch College, Perth handles the images well.-- HamedogTalk|@ 00:43, 4 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks Hamedog, I do not think we can get rid of the one paragraph sections - unless we get rid of the daughter articles, as the one paragraph sections are generalised statements for which if the reader wishes for more information they visit the daughter article. Removed second usage of the Canning River image. Asked Ganangarra to AfD Academic Studies (basically a list). Ive added 3 or 4 images of sport, college ties, college blazer, and awards night (any others i should add) Smbarnzy 16:38, 4 January 2007 (UTC)

Some suggestions:
 * Remove the trivia section (or make it into a paragraphed section called "Sporting achievements" or similar). Note that you should say over what time period they have been achieved.
 * Expand the sections, each section should say more about it's subject, even if the information is repeated in the other articles.
 * I think boarding should be merged back into the main article and Aquinas College Perth Academic Studies is a redirect back to the article.
 * I don't think you need to have all of the see also links to the pages mentioned as main article further up (eg Aquinas College Perth Leadership Structure is already mentioned as a separate article). James086 Talk 10:30, 8 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks James086, Youve made some great points - thanks alot. Smbarnzy 13:31, 8 January 2007 (UTC)
 * I agree with the trivia - i made a sporting trivia section and added the time period - that was particularly useful.
 * This seems to be a recurring theme - that the sections are too short - I will look into that.
 * Academic Studies is going to be AfD - but someone made it a redirect link for some stupid reason. I would disagree with boarding being merged - it is a pivitol part of the school and its foundation - afterall if there werent boarders at CBC then Aquinas might not have been established.
 * That is quite a fair point on the see also - i agree with that and i am going to delete it.

My thoughts:
 * 1) The history section has been plagiarised almost word for word from  and needs to be rewritten.
 * 2) Needs some good photos of the site and buildings.  Your own, not off the AC website #Needs a good map - Image:Aquinas Facilities Map.jpeg is fuzzy.  Suggest trying something freehand in MS-Paint or Powerpoint.  http://www1.aquinas.wa.edu.au/images/aquinas_map.pdf could be used as a base, but don't copy it
 * 3) the co-ordinates are wrong.  Clicking on Google Map left me in the middle of the river
 * 4) ditch the sporting trivia, or move it into the sports sub-article #too many lists and too much detail.  There is a point when the minutiae can ruin a good article - try changing some to a paragraph of prose and let some detail go.  Consider using tables instead of lists as they're generally easier for the reader
 * 5) consider merging some of the sub-articles back into this to make sections longer
 * 6) ditch the photo galleries - either include 1 or 2 of the photos in the appropriate place in the article or don't have them.
 * 7) work on researching and writing some articles on the relinks - Riverton Bridge, Paul Keaney (infamous paedophile/child abuser), Redmond Prendiville (youngest person ever to be ordained a catholic Archbishop anywhere in the world I believe), Matthew Gibney (spoke to Ned Kelly just before he was shot at the Glenrowan siege). Those three men are all interesting and notable characters and would add depth to the article IMO.  They've been on my to-do list for a while and I'd be happy if someone got them off it for me ;)
 * 8) In the sub-articles, get rid of the redundant See also links - unnecessary space fillers.
 * 9) Is Ernie Bromley in the Fremantle sporting wall of fame, or hall of fame? a photo or reference perhaps?  And if it is a wall, where is that BTW (and don't say Freo!)?
 * 10) What is the fee structure and how does it compare with other Perth colleges? There's a suggestion for a useful new article: Perth private school fees.  Thats an issue lots of people want to know.
 * 11) What scholarships are on offer?
 * 12) What capital works (ie. building projects) are planned or underway. Colleges always seem to have some big capex projects happening.
 * 13) read the Scotch and Wesley articles for more ideas of layout and content.  They are both now quite good, especially Scotch.

Good luck. &mdash;Moondyne 15:27, 10 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks Moondyne, probarly the best advise yet, thanks alot, much appreciated.
 * 1) Ive rewritten part of the history - needs more work - im prob not the man for the job.
 * 2) I will be getting those pics of the buildings soon - give me a month.
 * 3) Map - extremely relevant point. I only know the one in the school diary - sorry. and im no good with computers so i cant make one - thats for someone else.
 * 4) I have no idea how to change the co-ordinates
 * 5) I will ditch the sporting trivia - useless and repeat of the sport page - says it all in each of the sections.
 * 6) I am too discouraged from writing new articles for that - sorry - all my new pages get deleted - its not that encouraging.
 * 7) Will do that after ive finished with this.
 * 8) Capital works is a good one - to be honest - fuck all is happening at the school - recently though (last 4 years) - new stairwell, churack pavillion, fast-track sports shelters and mary kerr arts complex refurb.


 * The opening paragraph(s) should be a brief summary of the article that says all the most important stuff about the school. How would you tell us about the school if you only had thirty seconds to speak?
 * History section is pretty thorough but could flow better. I have a bugbear about normal quotes being marked up was pullquotes. Parts of the history section belong in the location section (e.g. "much of the property is still thickly wooded"), and the affiliations section has nothing to do with history.
 * Location should characterise where it is and what the site is like. It does that pretty well. But the article is about Aquinas, not the peninsula, not the river. Summary style isn't necessary and doesn't work here. The Canning River article is not a subtopic of Aquinas and shouldn't be treated as such . Kill off those two subsections with their main templates. Figure out what aspects of the peninsula and river are directly relevant to Aquinas, and include only that. e.g. How the river got its name has nothing to do with Aquinas. If the school uses the river for its rowing competitions, that would be relevant to the school.
 * After that I got a bit lost. Too many sections. Maybe figure out a structure that divides the rest of the article into sections on
 * buildings, infrastructure, resources, etc. i.e. what resources does the school have at its disposal?
 * structure. i.e. how is the school organised? e.g. affiliations, the college leadership structure, the junior middle and senior school system, and the house system.
 * services: i.e. what does the school offer? e.g. boarding, academic studies, sport.
 * achievements. e.g. sporting achievements, prominent alumni, etc.
 * I'm not saying these should be section headings. But you'll get much better flow if you group these areas together.
 * The suggested structure hasn't got a place for the coat of arms and uniform; need to think about that.

Hesperian 00:41, 11 January 2007 (UTC)
 * Finally, a few questions: What are its values - is it overtly religious? How much does it charge? Is it elite? elitist? How is it rated by the wider community? Is it considered one of the better private schools in WA? Is it thought of as a sporting school that also offers academic programs, or as an academic program that also had a strong sporting tradition?

Thanks for your input Hesp, made a few good points for me to take home
 * with regard to the location part - Aquinas owns the peninsula, so it is quite relevant in my view.
 * I think sections is a usefull idea. eg. like Student Life: include stuff like boarding, house system, sport, academic studies, like that, fewer major sections and more minor sections.

13:20, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

People must begin to realise this one important fact about Aquinas college and its land, It is an old school and when it was bought old ruls apllied to it, the mount henry peninsula and Aquinas bay BELONG/ ARE OWNED by Aquinas College/Christian Brothers, both that part of the canning river which Aquinas College OWNS and the Mount Henry Peninsula are major parts of the school, I was once a student at Aquinas College and can boast a large array of essays and sources disscussing the property, environment and managment of the college. Yungur 03:12, 17 January 2007 (UTC)

I have reorganised the article slightly and tried to make it more understandable, the gallery has more images and I have re-incorporated/merged some infomation from the sub pages. as far as I can see it is fine, and other than pricing and wherther or not the school is elitist (to write that would be in breach of neautrality) it has enough information to be classed as A, the aim is for it to be a Featured article, please rate well. Yungur 04:40, 17 January 2007 (UTC)


 * Sorry, it's not A-class. I don't think it's B-class yet. If you want this to get this article to A/FA-class, you might start by asking your local public library to get you a copy of Massam, Katharine (1998) On High Ground: Images of One Hundred Years at Aquinas College, Western Australia. And while you're at it, see if you can track down a copy of Florey, Cecil (2000), Canning Bridge to Clontarf: An Historical Journey Along Manning Road. Until you've based your article on all the relevant literature, you're not even close. Hesperian 04:59, 17 January 2007 (UTC)