Wikipedia:Peer review/Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire)/archive1

Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I've been working very hard on expanding, cleaning up, and adding sources and refs to it over the past few weeks, starting from a small stub. These changes have occurred since I began work.

I would appreciate any criticism, praise, comments, thoughts, copyedit suggestions, etc, that anyone has for this article. I'd like to eventually nominate it for GA.

Thanks in advance, I.M.S. (talk) 05:25, 12 December 2009 (UTC)

Gongshow comments:

This is a very nice article. I would even say this article is slightly further along than Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround, Part One at the time when that was reviewed. Here are some (mostly minor) suggestions:


 * Lead
 * "late 1969" --> "October 1969". Also, per WP:LINKS, I'd remove the wikilink to 1969 (and 10 October 1969 in the infobox).
 * "although not extremely successful" --> Kind of vague, I would reword slightly to specify the type of success; e.g., "although not a major commercial success".
 * "critically well received" --> "critically well-received"
 * "failed to chart completely in any country" --> no need for "completely"
 * "after a two year absence there" --> no need for "there"
 * There should be a comma after "Victoria".
 * "#62"..."#105": I don't know if this is officially part of any guideline, and I see that some older GA articles use this format, but in my experience, the trend is to spell out "number 62", "number 105", etc.


 * Background and recording
 * "seriously, however on 4 April" --> "seriously; however, on 4 April"
 * "an article was featured in New Musical Express magazine featuring his band, Maple Oak" --> "an article in New Musical Express magazine featured his band Maple Oak,"
 * "He would take a more permanent position with The Kinks this time.[10] Dalton remained with the group until 1977, with the release of Sleepwalker." --> "Dalton remained with the group until 1977, before the release/after the release/during the recording of Sleepwalker".[citation]
 * "The Turtles' next LP, Turtle Soup, with engineer" --> "The Turtles' LP Turtle Soup with engineer"
 * "end to the notorious ban" --> I would remove "notorious" and briefly state why the Kinks were banned by the AMF in the first place.
 * "While Davies was abroad the other members" --> "While Davies was abroad, the other members"


 * Sessions
 * "Once everything was settled with the group's lineup and business in general, Davies turned..." --> "With the group's lineup and business in order, Davies turned..."
 * "a few months back" --> "a few months earlier"
 * "a two week series " --> "a two-week series"
 * "Sessions for Arthur" --> "Sessions for Arthur"
 * "album would be finished" --> "was finished"
 * "The Kinks would play a few small gigs" --> "The Kinks played a few small gigs"
 * "but they would devote most" --> "but they devoted most"
 * "Tapes for this record would eventually be delivered to Pye and Reprise Records, although it would never see" --> "Tapes for this record were eventually delivered to Pye and Reprise Records, although it never saw"
 * "late-July" --> "late July"
 * "A date was finally set for release of Arthur, on 10 October" --> "The Arthur release date was finally set for 10 October"


 * Reception
 * "with a double, back-to-back review" --> "back-to-back reviews"
 * "and going on to state that" --> "and adding that"


 * Singles and chart performance
 * "#30", "#105" --> "number 30", "number 105"


 * Bonus tracks on CD reissues --> When were the reissue(s)?

Overall, the article is informative, well-referenced, has a good flow to it, and should not require too much more to pass GA. Again, congrats on the good work!  Gongshow  Talk 19:36, 12 December 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you! - I.M.S. (talk) 20:02, 12 December 2009 (UTC)
 * O.K., done now. - I.M.S. (talk) 20:54, 12 December 2009 (UTC)