Wikipedia:Peer review/Arthur Eve/archive1

Arthur Eve

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009. —Preceding unsigned comment added by PeerReviewBot (talk • contribs) 10:10, 22 June 2009 (UTC) --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:05, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I have responded to the peer review, but we have no images to add and I believe ndashes in section title date ranges are an acceptable type of special character.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:03, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I have responded to the peer review, but we have no images to add and I believe ndashes in section title date ranges are an acceptable type of special character.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:03, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has now failed at WP:GAC twice. I could use any some assistance in getting it over the hump.

Thanks, TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:21, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: I've never heard of this guy before. Sounds as if he is quite a character.
 * Lead
 * It might be worth engineering a link on "Deputy Speaker" to illustrate the relative importance of this office.
 * It is not such an important position that it should be linked. I don't think any of the other 49 states have articles for such an office.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 02:55, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * The long redlink is a bit obtrusive - how necessary is it here?
 * Delinked.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 02:55, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Might it be possible to summarise Eve's advocacies in a succinct phrase, rather than listing them all?
 * I added a summary phrase, but don't think it suffices as a replacement. Opinion welcome.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 02:55, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Personal: It is surely usual in biographical articles to give some indication where the subject came from. All we have here is: "Eve arrived in Buffalo in February 1953 following his graduation from West Virginia State College."  Why did he "arrive" in Buffalo?
 * I have just placed a hold on the Politicians for the People book from the Chicago Public Library. It should have some information according to the Buffalo & Erie County Public Library.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:16, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I have been informed that the library will have to do an interlibrary loan, which could take 2-6 weeks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:54, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Political career: we require information about how this political career began. When/how was he elected, etc. I can't believe that this information is not in the public domain. It is unacceptable to jump straight to his activities as an assemblyman without any indication of how he got to be one.
 * See response above.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:29, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Assemblyman: the fourth paragraph should be under a subsection heading, since it deals with his shot at the Buffalo mayoralty, not his activities as an assemblyman.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:32, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Deputy Speaker
 * "an important year for the Black and Puerto Rican Legislative Caucus..." is a personal comment. Reword to remove POV.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:49, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * This sentence: "The Democratic majority had fallen from 90–60 to 86–64 while the caucus' Assembly membership had grown from 15 to 16, which meant that for the first time the caucus had more than enough votes to withhold legislation, resulting in a shift in the balance of power." Too long, too much information, needs splitting. Thus: "The Democratic majority had fallen from 90–60 to 86–64, while the caucus' Assembly membership had grown from 15 to 16. This meant that for the first time the caucus had enough votes to withhold legislation, which brought about a shift in the balance of power."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:56, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Clarify that Griffin and Koch were considering running together for Governor and Lieutenant Governor
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:56, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * "Following Cuomo's election victory..." what election did he win?
 * clarified.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:02, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Third and fourth paragraphs: so many names, so many elections, so much confusion. Seriously, it is very hard for someone who doesn't have an ear for New York state politics to have any clear idea of what is going on.
 * Who was Harriet Tubman? I know I could use the link, but such information should be available in the article, via a brief description.
 * Is it sufficient now?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:06, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Retirement
 * "By 2004, Eve's foundation was approved to provide afterschool tutoring" Approved by whom?
 * fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:09, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * "He became an evangelist." Too curt; more information should be provided.
 * I don't have any additional sourcing. As stated in the GAC nom, I could mention my personal knowledge of his involvement in helping to get a new church financed.  I think I recall him mention having helped his new church finance a new building.  I have gone to church with him since his retirement. However, this is all WP:OR. The text barely mentions his evangelism and we have no other sourcing.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:09, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I don't think "runningmate" is a single word, even in Am Eng.
 * Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:09, 2 July 2009 (UTC)


 * Images: While there may be no PD photographs of Eve, would it be possible to enliven the text with a few related pics?

I hope these points give you some ideas about the further development of the article. Brianboulton (talk) 23:56, 30 June 2009 (UTC)