Wikipedia:Peer review/Avatar: The Last Airbender (season 2)/archive3

===Avatar: The Last Airbender (season 2)=== This peer review discussion has been closed. This is the third peer review for this article. The purpose of this PR is to hear all comments that could help this article reach FL status, or at least be FLC ready. All comments and contributions are greatly appreciated. *SIGN* 04:26, 27 October 2008 (UTC) :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Wikipedia:Peer review/Avatar: The Last Airbender (season 2)/archive3.
 * Previous peer review


 * Comment: It would be much appreciated if someone unfamiliar with the series looked at the article and told us what they found confusing with the article. NuclearWarfare  contact me My work  19:29, 27 October 2008 (UTC)


 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.
 * Because people might be interested: I want a second opinion on the first one and I linked some more articles. NuclearWarfare  contact me My work  20:37, 30 October 2008 (UTC)


 * Don't worry, the bot does that to must peer review articles. I don't remember a single peer review I've done in which the bot didn't mention #1 to me. --haha169 (talk) 23:36, 2 November 2008 (UTC)
 * If you read WP:LEAD, there is a guide to the length / size of the article and number of paragraphs in the lead. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:20, 12 November 2008 (UTC)


 * Complete peer review from Sillyfolkboy:

This is only the second list I've reviewed so some comments may not apply to the list norms, however the last one I reviewed is now a Featured List. This is a thorough review but if you follow all my recommendations the FLC review should be fairly straight forward. The list appears in good shape with only minor problems so don't be dissatisfied with the amount of things I'm pointing out!


 * Lead
 * Consolidate the first to references into just one reference at the end of the sentence.
 * Do the same for the infobox
 * Italicise the series name in the infobox and third lead paragraph
 * Do these dates mean the first time it aired? A little pedantic but just saying aired carries the notion that is was never aired again. Perhaps you could phrase this as "Season Two (Book Two: Earth) of Avatar: The Last Airbender, an American animated television series on Nickelodeon, first aired between X and X, featuring 20 episodes."
 * Is "Mako" This Mako? Season one also contains this link error.
 * Do all the listed cast voice main characters? If some are more peripheral characters then maybe they aren't essential to the lead
 * Link Aang on it's first appearance in the second paragraph
 * Why is this However? –"However, Aang quickly becomes involved in looking for his kidnapped flying bison Appa." If the contradiction is that the group was going to do something with this information but were sidetracked by the flying bison then say so.
 * You can create a link for Ba Sing Se like this
 * Just say he instead of "Appa" here – "Aang uncovers the massive..."
 * In fact, merge these two sentences to say "Aang's search leads him to Ba Sing Se, the capital of the Earth Kingdom, where he uncovers massive internal government corruption."
 * Would internal government corruption be better described as Political corruption?
 * "Throughout the season's airing, the show has received much acclaim" This feels a little awkward, do you mean that the series was met with immediate critical success? If so, say so. If not then the first part of the sentence (up to the comma) is redundant.
 * References 16 and 5 are the same: just use a ref name.
 * "Furthermore, the show has won multiple awards" Does this concern this season specifically or just the show in general? Try the episodes or season won multiple awards.
 * "All DVDs were encoded in Region 1, meaning they play only on North American DVD players. All of the Region 2 DVDs, which have been released for Season 1, have yet to be released". I would reduce this to one sentence saying all DVDs were Region 1 and it hasn't been released outside of North America, or something similar. There is no need to overexplain DVD regions here, the link should suffice, and I imagine the fact that season 1 has been released in Europe is not crucial for a lead.


 * Production
 * Do Ethan Spaulding, Jeremy Zuckerman and John O'Bryan not deserve to be linked or something?
 * "Episodes were written or co-written by a team of writers, which consisted of Aaron Ehasz, Elizabeth Welch Ehasz, Tim Hedrick, John O'Bryan, and others" : The co-written part struck me as odd. Did someone outside of this team of writers write some of the episodes? If anyone did then make a note of them, otherwise, just written will do.
 * In fact the article tells me the creators also write some episodes. Can you verify this and make a note of it in the production section?
 * You use the term "the show" in this section. Maybe it would be more accurate if you stated "the season" instead as the show could be construed as the series as a whole.
 * "...who were known to Dante and Konietzko because Zuckerman was Konietzko's roommate.[12]" I would rephrase this as "... who were known to the series creators because...". Just to point out, correct me if I'm wrong but you say "Dante and Konietzko" when surely his surname must be either Dante DiMartino or just DiMartino?
 * Maybe you could split this section in two with the second paragraph as "Cast" or "Casting"?
 * Maybe instead of just linking Character (arts) you could link the list of characters article as "Most of the main characters..."
 * Long Feng is listed as only a secondary character in this list so perhaps he doesn't require a red link. Similarly, Mai and Ty Lee can probably be delinked.
 * I'd say Mako's death and replacement by Greg Baldwin absolutely must have a citation. I imagine a link to an obituary, if available, would do.
 * Any expansion on where it was produced? (i.e. animation studios etc) Also perhaps you can expand on who the season's animators are.


 * Reception
 * Does Gabriel Powers need a link? I'm unsure of how important a critic he is.
 * I would avoid quotes in the first sentence and paraphrase instead e.g. "...Powers described it as one of the best children's series in recent times, making comparisons with Samurai Jack and Justice League, and complemented it for its depth and humour." Then follow with the quote.
 * Second paragraph I would start by saying:. "The visual aspect of Book Two received both plaudits and criticism" then lead into the reviewers opinions. Also I'd fix the tense to past instead of present says --> said. Try to vary your verb usage too e.g. says that --> stated that.
 * Maybe red link Jae-Myung Yu, if he's winning awards he's probably notable. Same for Sang-Jin Kim.
 * Perhaps wikilink the Annie's and Emmy's again, as you did in the lead.
 * Italicise Avatar: The Last Airbender in the Rich quote


 * Episodes
 * Wikilink a writer/director etc. on their first appearance in the table then leave as plain script in the rest of the table.
 * Similarly, I'd do this for the characters on their first mention in the table as it's quite separate from the prose part of the article.
 * "accidentally drinks the tea from a poisonous plant" Does this mean tea made from a poisonous plant or that he drank the tea from a vessel made from the plant? I assume the former, if so, say "drinks tea made from a poisonous plant".
 * "Pox marks"? You mean pockmarks like the linked article, no? Simplify as spots are something if you're unsure.
 * "They then meet a resistance located within the city" : you mean a resistance movement?
 * "to a true "Avatar" Celebration" : I think a "pro Avatar celebration" would explain this more clearly.
 * "Toph’s father to hires the owner of the Earthbending Tournament and her Earthbending instructor to bring her back." : Fix the "to" typo. Is he hiring two people here or just one? If the owner and instructor are one and the same place ", also her Earthbending instructor," in the sentence. If two then state that he hires both the tournament owner and her instructor. Additionally, it isn't clear if they fail to bring her back or if this plot line is left unresolved at the end of the episode.
 * "his Uncle Iroh's long siege" : Why a capital for uncle?
 * "which prevents them from stopping to sleep" : This sounds a little awkward. Try "which makes it impossible for the group to stop and sleep"
 * "Aang is forced to save Sokka" : Replace "Sokka" with "him" in the second instance.
 * "a crucial weakness of the Fire Nation that could end the war, the date of the upcoming solar eclipse" : Use a colon instead of a comma.
 * "They all escape from library, only to be devastated..." : rephrase to "They all escape from the library but are devastated..."
 * "telling him to Ba Sing Se" : I assume you mean taking not telling?
 * Unlink Jet in episode 37
 * "Elsewhere, Zuko discovers that Aang is in the city and finds Appa, but he frees him and Aang and Appa are reunited at the end of the episode. " : I would split this into two sentences: "Elsewhere, Zuko finds Appa and discovers that Aang is in the city. However, he frees the Sky Bison and Aang and Appa are reunited at the end of the episode."
 * "However, they succeed when they show the Earth King the drill the gang stopped five episodes ago" : Rephrase to: "However, they manage to convince the Earth King by showing him the drill that the gang had stopped in a previous episode"
 * "who attempt transport Toph back to her parents" : Typo
 * "A coup is staged by Azula with the Dai Li, where all of the major generals are captured at once" : Rephrase to: "Azula and the Dai Li stage a coup and all of the major generals are captured at once."
 * Also, no need for a comma in the sentence that follows the one above.


 * DVD Releases
 * "The final DVD was the "Complete Book 2 Box Set"" : Wouldn't reference seven ("Season 2 DVD Information". TVShowsOnDVD.com) be better on this sentence or does it not have all the info?
 * "Only "Book 2: Earth, Volume 1" has been released in Region 2, which plays in Europe" This contradicts the lead. Please clarify that only the first disc has been released on Region 2.
 * Actually, this link seems to contradict the whole region 2 discussion. I think this aspect of the article needs to be updated.
 * In the table: is that line between the "volume" and "released" columns supposed to be there? Just asking because I've had similar problems with tables like that before.
 * Make a timetable of releases for Region 2 if possible.


 * References
 * Ref 13 "Dante Basco" – can you find a better source than this?
 * Be sure to include dates where possible: a spot check reveals reference 7 has a date that isn't included in your citation
 * I'm unsure whether Amazon searches are really suitable for referencing as they can regularly change. Otherwise, it seems generally fine.
 * I'm unsure why both domain and publisher are listed (e.g. "Hollywood.com. Hollywood Media Corporation" or "Amazon.co.uk. Amazon.com"). I personally have never done this and consider it a little excessive but I suppose it's down to personal preference and besides, it's certainly not incorrect by any means.


 * General
 * Ensure all citations appear after punctuation.
 * Does the appearance of the US flag in the infobox meet WP:MOSFLAG?
 * The list uses "Book 2" and "Book Two" interchangeably, is there an official name we can refer back to? If not, it would be nice to have consistency on this.
 * Maybe one or two more reviews of the show could enhance the reception section though I'm unsure if these are readily available.
 * Why does the DVD release section of the infobox state NTSC and not Region 1 as mentioned in the article?
 * Consider adding the official site as an external link: it looks interesting, well presented and has information relevant to the season.

That's all! I am notoriously pick nicky in some parts so don't feel offended. I especially like the coloured infobox theme for the seasons – great idea by the way (if it was yours?). I personally have no idea what this cartoon bending thing is but the article reads pretty clearly and accessible for anyone who hasn't seen the series.

As always I'll be watching this and any edits to the list in order to reply to any further comments and questions. Sillyfolkboy (talk) 19:34, 6 November 2008 (UTC)

'If you found this peer review helpful please consider doing one yourself. Choose one from the backlog, where i found this article or take a look at WP:Peer Review.'


 * :o  NuclearWarfare  contact me My work  20:02, 6 November 2008 (UTC)


 * Done, for the most part. I think the only thing left is references formatting and date finding for Region 2. Also, a few reviews would be nice, and that seems to be the only major issue left. NuclearWarfare  contact me My work  21:18, 6 November 2008 (UTC)
 * I did a few more. As far as I can tell, they have all been done. Thanks for the PR. *SIGN* 00:53, 7 November 2008 (UTC)