Wikipedia:Peer review/Baby Boy (song)/archive1

===Baby Boy (song)===

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to know if the prose is of featured quality, check sources per WP:RS, comprehensiveness, and anything they could comment on this article. After such, this will proceed to WP:FAC.

Thanks, --Efe (talk) 10:53, 31 March 2008 (UTC) ` :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Peer review/Baby Boy (song)/archive1.


 * 1) Happy for the adding of the section Controversy. Maybe, you can enlarge important sections such Video, describing its sequences (you can find it on Yahoo!).  MOJSKA   666  (msg) 11:47, 1 April 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article about a catchy song. Here are some suggestions for improvement: I hope this helps, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:24, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * This article could use a good copyedit to clean up grammar, spelling, and awkward wording. A few examples from the lead (there are lots more in the rest of the article):
 * The lyrics refer to fantasies, and its accompanying music video features sensual footages. Should be "footage", is "accompanying" really needed?
 * Removed "accompanying"; its redundant. Changed "footages" to "footage". --Efe (talk) 09:45, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * The song always appeared in public performances by Beyoncé, and was later honored as the Most Performed Songs in 2005. I think this means something like The song is always featured in Beyonce's concert playlist, and... I have no idea what the last phrase means - perhaps it was honored as [one of] the Most Performed Songs in 2005? If so, who honored it? Why is "Most Performed Songs" capitalized?
 * All fixed. --Efe (talk) 09:45, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Several of the direct quotes from critics seem possibly to have errors in them: John Reed of Music Critic noted that "Baby Boy" "come off as very beguiling with its Caribbean drenched vibes."[10] Stephen Thomas Erlewine of All Music Guide stated that Beyoncé "sound assured and sexy" on the song.[11] There is disageement between the subect and verb in both of the quotes.
 * Hmp. Can you explain further? You mean the two quotes should not be in one para? --Efe (talk) 09:45, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * No, I mean that the grammar seems wrong. "Baby Boy" is singlular, so the verb in the quote after it should be singular ("comes off...", not "come off..."). If the original quote has a plural subject, then the quote would be OK (all of her songs "come off...") but when used here add an s in square brackets to show it has been added: John Reed of Music Critic noted that "Baby Boy" "come[s] off as... Similarly Stephen Thomas Erlewine of All Music Guide stated that Beyoncé "sound[s] assured and sexy"...
 * Ok. I'll fix it. --Efe (talk) 11:17, 6 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Please double check the original quote - I am having a hard time imagining this wording in a review (plural subject) Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 01:20, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * It is obvious a lot of work has been done and I think the article will be quite good once the language is cleaned up.
 * I think I need someone to thoroughly copy edit this article; but before that, I will wait until the review is closed. --Efe (talk) 09:45, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Watch out for POV and peacock language - see WP:NPOV and WP:Peacock
 * Thanks for the review. Im not very much keen when it comes to POC checking. Could you give some POV lines in the articles? Thanks. --Efe (talk) 09:34, 4 April 2008 (UTC)


 * Seems to be a word missing here: Early in 2003, Beyoncé collaborated with Sean Paul, [with?] a few weeks left for the recording sessions of her debut solo album Dangerously in Love. Really didn't see much POV, sorry for the mixup. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 00:53, 9 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I've reworded it to "Early in 2003, Beyoncé collaborated with Sean Paul during the late stage for the recording of her debut solo album Dangerously in Love." If its awkward, tell me so that I will revert it and add "with". Yeah, its fine. I always have trouble when it comes to fixing POVs. Anyway, do you believe this is up for FAC? --Efe (talk) 03:25, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

I think it still needs some work - I can't spend a lot of time on it, but here are some examples: There are just a number of places where it needs someone more familiar with the subject and with good copyediting skills and a fresh eye to go over it. One trick you can try yourself is to print out the article and read it out loud - often our ears will catch what our eyes miss. Hope this helps Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 01:20, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 *  The R&B-dancehall song was written by Beyoncé, Scott Storch, Sean Paul, Robert Waller and Jay-Z for the singer's debut solo album... Since both Beyoncé and Sean Paul have been identified as singers in the previous sentence, probably should say for Beyoncé's debut album
 * Question sentence above - I think I would word it "Early in 2003, Beyoncé collaborated with Sean Paul during the late stages of recording her debut solo album Dangerously in Love."
 * Or here On the July 24, 2003 issue of the Rolling Stone magazine, reviewer Anthony DeCurtis found... would be better as In the July 24, 2003 issue of Rolling Stone, reviewer Anthony DeCurtis found... 
 * Recent comments all done. I will go over with the article. Thanks. --Efe (talk) 05:43, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Otherwise the sources look pretty decent. Note I didn't look at the prose or pictures, just sources, since you wanted comments on those. The above are things I would have asked at FAC. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:48, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
 * http://www.musicnotes.com/sheetmusic/scorch.asp?ppn=SC0006825 won't show for folks in the US.
 * REmoved. There is another sheet music source of this so I used it as replacement. --Efe (talk) 03:21, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * What makes http://www.thesituation.co.uk/index.html a reliable source for concert information? Remember, I'm not a popular music fan, so it may be reliable, I just don't know why. Is it part
 * I will try to find that seems more reliable than this. --Efe (talk) 03:21, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I found one. --Efe (talk) 12:30, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * What makes http://host17.hrwebservices.net/~atrl/trlarchive/no.html a reliable source?
 * I believe its base site is this. I dont know it its really reliable but I have no idea where to get information about TRL archives. --Efe (talk) 03:21, 14 April 2008 (UTC)