Wikipedia:Peer review/Battle of Adwa/archive1

Battle of Adwa
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has many of the qualities of a GA or FA. However, I would like independent review, especially on the POV. I would like a final review before submission as Good Article.

Thanks, አቤል ዳዊት (talk) 16:14, 17 December 2012 (UTC)

Comments. Just some copyediting notes ... all of these will be useful for A-class, and some of these will be useful for WP:GAN as well:
 * "usually known as Adowa": If it's usually known that way, shouldn't the article be titled "Battle_of_Adowa"?
 * ✅changed to "also known as" - both versions are commonly used. After a discussion consensus was reached to use "Adwa."


 * Per WP:LEAD, the lead should be a summary of the main points of the article; the two short sentences don't do that.
 * we will work on this


 * "among the various European powers": among European powers
 * your right, sounds better


 * "recently-obtained": recently obtained, per WP:HYPHEN
 * "located near Ethiopia": near Ethiopia
 * "Somali-land": I haven't seen the old name with a hyphen before, and it's not hyphenated in the linked article.
 * "Italian language version": Italian-language version
 * All above


 * "consented (i.e. was required) to Italy representing Ethiopia": allowed Italy to represent Ethiopia
 * ✅ I found a stronger wording in the Treaty of Wuchale - What do you think? Changes linked below
 * Looks good. - Dank (push to talk) 20:38, 19 December 2012 (UTC)
 * "The Amharic version": link Amharic
 * "if he wished (optional).": if he wished.
 * All above


 * "As a result, Italy and Ethiopia faced off in what was later to be known as the First Italo-Ethiopian War.": What specific action led to the war, if that's known?
 * There is further detail in the First Italo–Ethiopian War article. Though it might be outside the scope of this article. More detail than necessary for an intro of a specific battle. I will bring to discussion.


 * Done for now. - Dank (push to talk) 21:56, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Changes አቤል ዳዊት (talk) 19:55, 19 December 2012 (UTC)

Comments: G'day, interesting article. I have the following suggestions:
 * the lead probably needs to be expanded before taking it to GA or FA;


 * some paragraphs appear to be uncited, particularly the first three paragraphs of the Background section. For GA or FA, at a bare minimum, each paragraph should be covered by at least one citation at the end of the paragraph (more may be required if each sentence uses a different source);


 * in the Citations section, I suggest adding publisher, author and accessdate information for the web citations (if such information exists);
 * in the References, is there an ISBN for the Webb source? I looked on worldcat.org but couldn't find this book. I found a 2011 book called "The Battle of Adwa: African Victory in the Age of Empire" by Raymond Jonas, but not a 2011 book by Webb. Can we be sure that the author is correct here?


 * the full bibliographic details for the work by Prouty don't appear to be in the References section, although there is a citation to them;


 * same as above for McLachlan, Ruggeri and Pétridès. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 07:08, 23 December 2012 (UTC)