Wikipedia:Peer review/Battle of the Bastards/archive1

Battle of the Bastards
I've listed this article for peer review because I think it meets the criteria and because I have worked on this artice for a while and being that this is the biggest episode of the biggest series of all time has inspired me to continue and push to get this article to FA later. I am willing to work and put time on this article to make that happen. I just need someone to review it and tell me what to do, to make it a Featured article.

Thanks, AffeL (talk) 18:27, 22 August 2016
 * A few things I noticed in a quick glance at the article:
 * Images need alt text.
 * Done. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)
 * Citations look like they are very consistent. There may be one or two tiny problems; I fixed one tiny problem.
 * Thanks. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)
 * Request a copy-edit at WP:GOCER. Sentences like "But not maintaining the perfect score weeks after its release. The episode now holds a rating of 9.9/10. being one of the only few episodes ever to get a 9.9 or higher on the website." will not pass FA.
 * Have requested. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)
 * I straightened the curly quote marks.
 * Thanks. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)
 * En dashes and em dashes are used inconsistently. See MOS:DASH.
 * Use the tools on the right side of this page. The DAB link tool shows one hit. External links shows two possible problems.
 * Done. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)
 * I did not read the article, so I can't comment on the content as a whole. – Jonesey95 (talk) 21:53, 23 August 2016 (UTC)


 * I fixed the alt text..(But I don't know how to put alt text in the infobox pic. Did I do it right?). I have requested a copy-edit at WP:GOCER. I used the tools on the right side as you said and fixed the DAB ling. The two possible problems it shows, works just fine. AffeL (talk) 01:07, 24 August 2016 (UTC)


 * Small fix This has two pieces of non-free media (and one of them is made up of two separate pieces of media itself). The image in the infobox should be removed and the remaining one retained as it has critical value. —Justin ( koavf ) ❤T☮C☺M☯ 21:56, 23 August 2016 (UTC) Copied from the closed FAC page. Josh Milburn (talk) 23:31, 23 August 2016 (UTC)


 * Are you sure?.. what should I replace the infobox pic with? Something else that has critical value(Like CGI pic of Dany riding the dragon with an explanation that it was a composite shot) or could something be added in the caption for it to have critical value, instead of removing it. AffeL (talk) 01:19, 24 August 2016 (UTC)
 * As a general comment (I have no view on the NFC in this article right now)... There is no entitlement to non-free content, and there is no presumption in favour of a screenshot in an episode article (the way there is a presumption in favour of, say, an album cover on an album article). There's also, in principle, nothing preventing you having two screenshots, if both are required, though combining them into one file does not stop you having to justify both. The "typical" episode article, however, will feature zero screenshots. Josh Milburn (talk) 01:42, 24 August 2016 (UTC)

Just a few quick points:
 * Critical reception "But not maintaining the perfect score weeks after its release. The episode now holds a rating of 9.9/10, being one of the only few episodes ever to get a 9.9 or higher on the website." - the first sentence seems to miss a word and/or both sentences need some connection.
 * Done. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)


 * "... [wrote] in his review about the theme of strong women in the episode, [writing]..." - you should try to avoid such repetitions in close proximity whereever possible.
 * Done. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)


 * Ed Power's analysis about women in GoT is overly long. The quote's second part ("They understood one another absolutely and had fun with their mild flirtation. From blizzards of boobs to a cogent argument for the matriarchy – my how you've changed Game of Thrones") is just a fancy rhetorical summary and adds nothing substantial to Power's initial point. Suggest to remove this part - Power's analysis is sufficiently covered in the first sentences, and elaborated by 2 more reviews later on.
 * Done. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)


 * "[Similarly,] Laura Prudom of Variety echoed..." - "Similarly" is redundant (to "echoed")
 * Done. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)


 * Quotations within quotations are usually enclosed in single quotation marks, see MOS:QWQ and MOS:SINGLE for more information. However, I am not entirely sure if this rule also applies to quotation marks for minor works like episode titles (maybe a MOS-expert can clarify this point either way).
 * One more: the large blue quotation box in "Reception" is clearly too long and too prominent (imo), stretching over 2 full paragraphs - see WP:LONGQUOTE for more information. Suggest to summarize the quote's gist in your own words in the main text. If you want to use a quotation box, such a quote should be more succinct and more neutral, and it should present a common uncontroversial viewpoint in due weight. GermanJoe (talk) 13:09, 24 August 2016 (UTC)


 * Comments from AJona1992
 * I agree with the above suggestion that you should request a c/e over at GOCE
 * Done that already AffeL (talk) 14:39, 28 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "who have no difficulty" - could be greatly improved (lead, second para)
 * Done. AffeL (talk) 21:13, 9 September 2016 (UTC)


 * You say it is critically acclaim, but reading the synopsis in the lead all I got was that they won a war and nothing about it impacting anything or anyone in the series. I had to re-read it several times to get a better understanding (I do have ADHD here so bear with me). I need an explanation on the reason for control of Winterfell; what particularly set them to battle for it? You say for "control" but what made it so that a war was set off? Was it two opposing sides who cannot deal? Tensions mounting to a war breaking out? Inabilities? Currently, this is how I read it as: two (possible rivals) fought for control over Winterfell (an unknown habitation) and Jon gets help from two individuals (who presumably have ties with him) which ultimately ends Bolton's army (yet you say Bolton Army but say Jon's forces). Another plot: In Meereen (an unknown habitation) a woman refuses to surrender to The Masters (mounts Drogon; unknown character) and later sets fire to his fleet which leads to their surrender. Two individuals aide Daenerys with ships and announce their loyalty to help her take the Seven Kingdoms (don't know who that is). Can you fix what is in parentheses?
 * It's a war. It obviously had a huge impact to the story, since one side won and the other lost. It was critically acclaimed by the critcs and fans. Are you saying that the lead should be written so that people who have not seen the show understand what is happening. Is that necessary to explain every single detail? Drogon is the name of one of the dragons. Seven Kingdoms(also refered to as Westeros) is the continent were Winterfell and other cities are located. Meeren is in another continent called Essos. Daenerys is trying to take and rule the Seven Kingdoms.


 * I really am not feeling "enormous battle" being used to describe the size of the battle, especially since you said it twice without variation.
 * What should I call it. Just "battle" or should I use another word than enormous? AffeL (talk) 14:39, 28 August 2016 (UTC)


 * What's the North? GOT fans and viewers may know it, but I don't.
 * North of the Seven Kingdom(Westeros). Link: World of A Song of Ice and Fire. Should I really explain that in the lead? AffeL (talk) 14:39, 28 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "Daenerys's reunion with her dragons" - did I miss that in the second para of the lead? I don't recall you mentioning it until now when a critic recalls it as "thrilling"
 * Drogon is one of the Dragons. AffeL (talk) 14:39, 28 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "took 25 shooting days" could easily be said as "took 25 days to shoot" – jona  ✉ 00:44, 28 August 2016 (UTC)


 * Hi. I looked at the things you said, thanks for commenting btw. I just want to know if I should write the lead plot section in a way, that a person who has not seen the show understands. It will be hard since this show is like the most complicated show there is. AffeL (talk) 14:39, 28 August 2016 (UTC)


 * Comments from Aoba47
 * Just as a note, but this will be a very general overview, as this is a really dense article and I do not have the time to go through everything so I apologize for that. I am not going to comment on the sentence construction or word choice as much as this should be covered by the c/e request through the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors.
 * I like the screenshots in the “Filming” subsection as it helps to illustrate a point, but I have to agree with Josh Milburn in that I do not believe the infobox image is necessary. It does not really illustrate anything that text cannot, and it does not illustrate the shooting time, which is referenced in the caption. A lot of episode articles do not use infobox images.
 * I would suggest combining the first two paragraphs as the first paragraph seems very short.
 * Link “the North” so it can be understood by an unfamiliar reader. You do not need to explain it in the lead as the link should be good enough. The same thing can be done for “Winterfell” and Meereen.
 * I would recommend putting all of the information about filming before the sentences about critical reception and the broadcast to follow the structure of the article. This is just a suggestion, as it is fine as it currently stands.
 * Remember the lead is supposed to cover everything in the article. The lead does not cover anything from the “Writing” and “Casting” subsections.
 * I would combine the first and second paragraphs on the “In Meereen” subsection.
 * Just a tip, but I would recommend reading through this as if you are not familiar with the show and try to make sure the prose is clear and concise. The c/e through the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors should help you with this. I do not notice anything that stands out immediately, but it is important to think about this, especially when dealing with long and dense sections like this.
 * Is the note about the Battle of Cannae really necessary? It is just giving a definition of the battle, and that can be found through the link to the battle (especially since the article is an FA).
 * Did Benioff and Weiss mention a specific battle from the American Civil War? It seems odd that they would choose a specific battle and then an entire war.
 * Be careful with the amount of quotes you use (this is a note for the entire article). Everything that can be paraphrased should. Direct quoting is primarily for when something would be lost if the quote were not used directly.
 * ”Concluding episode” sounds odd. I would use “final episode”.
 * You use a lot of quotes in the “Critical reception” so I would advise you to be careful with that. I would also recommend looking at this resource User:Mike Christie/Copyediting reception sections to help you with revising this section.


 * Hopefully you find this to be helpful. I apologize for not being as thorough as I would like to be. If possible could you provide some comments either for my peer review for Love, Inc., my FAC for Chad Harris-Crane, or my FLC for List of songs recorded by Alyssa Milano if that is okay. Aoba47 (talk) 02:04, 17 September 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Jaguar

 * The first paragraph seems a bit short and abrupt, could it not be expanded a little to improve the lead's balance? Feel free to ignore, it's just that some FA reviewers are strict about WP:LEADLENGTH
 * I can't really think of anything to add. The user above said, "I would suggest combining the first two paragraphs as the first paragraph seems very short". But it looks really weird combining the first paragraph to the plot(second paragraph). I will probaly wait, when I nominate it for a Feature Article to do something. AffeL (talk) 13:06, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
 * It should be OK. I'm fine with it myself, but I'd wait and see what other FA reviewers might have to say. Chances are that nobody will mind and I was being overcautious JAG  UAR   13:09, 1 October 2016 (UTC)


 * "Daenerys agrees to assist them if the Ironborn will stop reaving the mainland" - use the template?
 * "Benioff concluded by stating "If you're one of the lords of Westeros" - saying
 * ""Whenever I was told that I was coming back for Season 6, before they sent me through the scripts and stuff, they sent me through a ring just to say, "Listen, so that you don't get a shock whenever you read the scripts, just know that you die this season.""" - shouldn't the quote within the quote be in single quote (') marks?
 * "In the United Kingdom, the episode was viewed by 2.450 million viewers, making it the highest-rated broadcast that week on its channel" - which channel was it?
 * Could you link "Wildlings" for unfamiliar readers?
 * " intended to mirror the Daenerys Targaryen scene at the end of the third season episode "Mhysa"" - delink third season as it has already been linked twice before
 * I noticed that the article seems to be quote-heavy, especially in the reception section. For FA, anyway, it's best to avoid relying too much on quotes and it might be best to paraphrase some. I don't think it's an oppose worthy issue but it's something to look out for

That's all I can find on my first read through. You'll have to forgive me for skipping much of the plot section as I didn't want to spoil anything for myself! JAG UAR   13:22, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much for the comments.. AffeL (talk) 13:32, 1 October 2016 (UTC)