Wikipedia:Peer review/Best Thing I Never Had/archive1

Best Thing I Never Had
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because i want to take it to FAC someday. I am conscious that how it stands right now, it definitely has several issues and this is the reason for which i have nominated it for a peer review. I want someone who will help me bring the prose of this article to FA standard. I hope i am not asking for too much. Regards. Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 05:10, 16 September 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 05:10, 16 September 2011 (UTC)

Peer review is not really the place to fine copy editors - I would ask at WP:GOCE Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 13:24, 1 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Quick comment


 * Thanks. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 17:35, 9 October 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments I agree with that WP:GOCE would be the place to seek copyediting help. That said, the prose in the existing article is reasonably good though not quite good enough for GA. It would not take a good copyeditor long to bring the prose to GA standards and not much longer to improve it to FA standards, in my opinion. The article looks comprehensive to me, though I am not a content expert in this area. I see no obvious problems with the images except for File:J.Que.jpg, which has serious licensing problems, and File:Vanessa Carlton promo photo (recoloured).jpg, which has incomplete data in its license. Ron Shapiro Management might be able to supply the missing information about the author and date of creation for the Carlton image.

Lead
 * I would change the second sentence, "It was released by Columbia Records on June 1, 2011, as the second single from the album", to active voice, as follows: "Columbia Records released the song on June 1, 2011, as the second single from the album."


 * I would do the same kind of thing to the third sentence. Instead of "was composed by", I'd rearrange the words to say blah, blah, and blah composed. You don't have to change every passive to active, but if you just go through the article and change the easy ones, the prose will get tighter and punchier. Active voice takes the general form "X did Y" and doesn't require as many words as passive, "Y was done by X".


 * Several other passive-voice sentences occur in the lead. Here's another: ""Best Thing I Never Had" was promoted by several live performances of Knowles, notably at the 2011 Glastonbury Festival, on the televised show, The View and was part of the set list for her 4 Intimate Nights with Beyoncé among others." It would be better to say, "Knowles promoted 'Best Think I Never Had' during several live performances...".


 * "It received a platinum certification by ARIA as well as a gold certifications by both RIANZ and RIAA." - Don't neglect to spell out as well as abbreviate most of these alphabet-soup things on first use. You can't assume that all readers will know what they mean. If you spell out and abbreviate the first time, you can just abbreviate on second and subsequent use.

Critical reception
 * "Leah Collins of Canadian Dose magazine wrote: "'Irreplaceable', 'Independent Women', 'If I Were a Boy', we could go on [...] - Nothing inside a direct quotation should be linked since the original does not include the link. Ditto for Lilith Fair in The New York Times quote a bit further down in this section.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 18:18, 9 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)


 * Hmm, that's all??? Thanks anyways. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 04:48, 21 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Comment; The copyvio problem Finetooth pinpoints is something I've come across in several Beyonce articles; text is copy-pasted verbatim from different sources, with some messy quoting-paraphrasing going on.These need checking thoroughly and fixing before any request for GA or FA status is made. Baffle gab1978 (talk) 06:19, 25 October 2011 (UTC)