Wikipedia:Peer review/Bhimsen Thapa/archive1

Bhimsen Thapa
This peer review discussion has been closed. I have been working on this article for a few months, and I have reached a point where I need to step back and have someone not involved take a look. I ultimately wish to nominate the article for GA. I understand that there are still a few biographical details I need to add (such as his administration), however I would like to have someone's opinion on:
 * Adherence to the requirements of neutral point of view
 * Adherence to the requirements of formal tone
 * Grammar and other aspects of correct use of language.

Thanks, (Manoguru (talk) 06:08, 23 November 2014 (UTC))

Quick comments from Nikkimaria (not covering the whole article)
 * Given the length of the article, the lead should be at least 3 paragraphs
 * This topic is likely to be unfamiliar to many readers, so it would be worthwhile to go through to make sure all your terminology is adequately explained and sufficient background/context is included
 * Only the first word of headings should be capitalized, unless there are proper nouns
 * "Rana Bahadur's youth had been spent in pampered luxury which had made him incapable of running either his own life or the country" could be more neutral in tone; same with "it signaled how treacherous his reign was going to be", "discontented of his wanton and capricious behavior", "elaborate intrigue was set in motion"
 * "inevitable death" is unneeded - "death" would be sufficient
 * Dissidenting is not a word in English - suggest either "dissident" or "dissenting". Nikkimaria (talk) 14:17, 10 December 2014 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the comments. I will try to keep these in mind while making the revision. Manoguru (talk) 12:42, 11 December 2014 (UTC)