Wikipedia:Peer review/Bill Spivey/archive1

Bill Spivey
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I plan on taking this new article to GA status, and I feel a good PR is needed to fix any weaknesses before a GAN nom. Prose comments in particular are welcome, as I'm much worse at finding flaws in my own writing than that of others (the curse of dedicated reviewers). If anyone could provide a big-picture look at the article as a whole, that would be great as well. I will do my best to address all concerns presented here.

Thanks,  Giants2008  ( 27 and counting ) 18:28, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is well-written, broad in coverage, neutral, stable, and verifiable. It lacks images, but I'm guessing that free-use ones are hard to come by for players from the pre-digital-camera, pre-Flickr era. Maybe fair-use of something from the University of Kentucky or elsewhere might be possible. Here are a few other suggestions:

Lead
 * Give the heights here and in "Early life" in metric as well as imperial?

Recruitment
 * " The University of Kentucky first became aware of Spivey when a Georgia newspaper publisher phoned Fred Wachs, who writer Earl Cox called... ". - "Whom" rather than "who" since it's the object of "called"?

1948–49 to 1949–50
 * "In 15 games, his points per game average was around 20.0." - Slightly better might be: "In 15 games, he averaged about 20 points per game." (Side note: the word "around" negates the meaning of anything after the decimal point, so it should be 20 rather than 20.0).
 * "but was eliminated in the quarterfinals by CCNY, 89–50." - Spell out City College of New York (CCNY) and link?

1950–51
 * "Spivey again averaged more than 19.0 points per game... " - "More than" negates the meaning of the 0 after the decimal point; plain 19 would be better.

Implication in gambling scandal
 * "On February 16, 1952, he and the association's directors agreed to have him go in front of a grand jury in New York." - Would "testify before" be slightly better than "go in front of"?
 * "the university gave him a permanent ban on March 2" - Maybe "the university banned him permanently on March 2"?
 * "Kentucky's athletic board said evidence pointed to him fixing games during the 1950 Sugar Bowl Tournament" - Could "1950 Sugar Bowl Tournament" be linked to something? I associate the Sugar Bowl with football rather than basketball.

Trial
 * "Hirsch also said before the grand jury that Spivey and West, the ringleader, had not met." - "Before" might be taken to refer to time. Would this be slightly more clear: "Hirsch also told the grand jury that Spivey and West, the ringleader, had not met"?

Professional career
 * "He states that he received $10,000 as part of a settlement." - "Stated" rather than "states"?
 * "Spivey got into a fight with Globetrotters player Bobby "Showboat" Hall" - Any idea what the fight was about? Did Hall taunt Spivey about alleged point shaving?

Later life
 * "Then living in Daytona Beach, Florida, he later became involved in an automobile accident, which aggravated a lower-back injury." - Maybe "was hurt in" rather than "became involved in"?

References
 * Publisher for citation 9 and 14?

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 18:51, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Thank you very much for the review; it's exactly what I needed. I made all of the suggested prose fixes. The two cites are shorthand; the publisher is included in the full reference at the bottom. The Sugar Bowl basketball tournament doesn't have a related article that I could find, so I created a red link for it. Unfortunately, I was unable to find anything more on the fight, not to mention a free photo. Thanks again!  Giants2008  ( 27 and counting ) 23:53, 28 January 2010 (UTC)