Wikipedia:Peer review/Black Friday (1910)/archive1

Black Friday (1910)
Black Friday was suffragette demonstration on 18 November 1910, at which the Metropolitan police dealt with the protestors with undue levels of violence, some of which was sexual in nature. It marked a turning point in the tactics used by the police and suffragettes. This article has been through a complete overhaul recently, and an attempt at FAC is open, unless reviewers think otherwise. Any and all constructive comments are most welcome. Cheers. – SchroCat (talk) 09:24, 19 April 2018 (UTC)

Comments from TR
Not much from me. This article is thorough and readable, and seems to me rightly aimed at FAC. That's my lot. You'll let me know when you go to FAC, of course.  Tim riley  talk    11:01, 21 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Women's suffrage movement
 * "to ask the pro-women's suffrage Liberal Party politician Sir Edward Grey..." – there's rather a lot of labels piling up before we get to Grey's name. It might flow more smoothly if you broke it up on the lines of "to ask the cabinet minister Sir Edward Grey – a supporter of women's suffrage – ..."
 * Political situation
 * "The 1906 general election returned a Liberal government with a large majority" [Oh, I do like writing those last seven words!] This yanks us back a few years, and might be less of change of gear if you said "The 1906 general election had returned...". (I know many of us tend to overdo the pluperfect, but it has its place.)
 * private members bill – possessive apostrophe, please.
 * within Cabinet – is there a definite article missing here? (I can imagine Sir Humphrey saying "within Cabinet", but I'm not sure it's general usage.) And the albatross of capitalisation is flapping its wings. If lower case prime minister and parliament, why capitalised Cabinet? And Commissioner of police later?
 * More from the albatross: "Conciliation Bill" twice in the fifth para of the section, and "Conciliation bill" once.
 * Reaction
 * "focussed" – I strongly recommend the shorter, traditional spelling "focused".
 * after Churchill decided not to prosecute the suffragettes, some newspapers criticised his decision. – if the source names them it would be interesting and instructive to name them here. (Hmm, let me guess...)
 * Assessment
 * Sir Edward Troup, but earlier Sir Edward Grey has his title piped – rightly, in my view. Omitting the piping looks as peculiar and fidgety as, say, "Lord Randolph Churchill", "Cardinal Richelieu", or "Queen Victoria".
 * Notes
 * Note c: Campbell-Bannerman resigned on 4 April 1908 and died, still living at 10 Downing Street – "died living" looks a bit odd: perhaps "in residence"? Pompous but perhaps less likely to strike a false note.
 * Note j: I'd be tempted to move this important point into the main text.
 * Many thanks for your comments Tim. Unfortunately I am closing the PR, as I don't think I am in a position to be able to work on this article further. I'm sorry that you spent your time reviewing, much as I am sorry I spent my time writing it! Cheers – SchroCat (talk) 05:12, 22 April 2018 (UTC)