Wikipedia:Peer review/Boddingtons/archive1

Boddingtons
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've done a fair amount of work on it and would like an external opinion.

Thanks, Farrtj (talk) 19:47, 27 April 2011 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: Could you be a little more specific about the purpose of this review. You say you would "like an external opinion" – with what in mind? Are you, for example, thinking of a future nomination at GAN, or FAC? For the present I can offer a few general suggestions as to how the article might be improved, whatever your future intentions may be:-
 * Without commenting on he prose in detail, I'd say there is a big problem in the History section, where a brief opening paragraph covering just over 100 years up to 1883 is followed by a 99-year gap to 1982. The rest of the section (about 80%) is all recent history.
 * The "Advertising" section seems disproportionate and overdetailed., and only deals with the brewery's most recent advertising history.
 * Sections should be written in prose, not bullet points
 * The citations need a lot of attention. Many are unformatted urls. Others are unexplained, e.g. "Euromonitor, 2011" and "Marketing (00253650), July 30, 2008". Some references, e.g. 16, 20 and 21, are identical and can be combined under a reference name. Newspaper and journal titles should be italicised. Etc, etc; perhaps some study of Citing sources/example style would be appropriate.
 * A couple of your wikilinks go to disambiguation pages: Magor AND Widget. In each case, you should pipe-link to the page you want.
 * Bolding should not be used in the text for emphasis, except in the initiating sentence of the lead.
 * Italics should not be used to represent quotations. Use quotation marks
 * Date ranges, e.g. "1990–1999" need ndashes, not hyphens.

Attention to these points would be a good starting point for improving the article. Brianboulton (talk) 21:57, 12 May 2011 (UTC)