Wikipedia:Peer review/Bonville–Courtenay feud/archive1

Bonville–Courtenay feud
I've listed this article for peer review because it has been greatly expanded (by 1000s %).

Thanks, Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi  16:46, 16 May 2016 (UTC)

Thoughts from Hchc2009: (many rather minor!)
 * "between the Courtney family (earls of Devon since 1335)"... "this was not confined to just the (more well known) antics" - I don't think the brackets are adding much here, you could just use commas. I'm not sure about some of the later bracketed bits either - again, commas might be softer.
 * Is "antics" the right word?
 * " while the king remained unfit" - worth checking out WP:JOBTITLE for the capitalisation here.
 * "The incapacitation of Henry VI by mental illness in 1454 had led to the recall to court of Richard of York, his closest adult relative, who had been banished to his estates after a failed rebellion in 1452, and his appointment to govern England as Lord Protector and First Councillor of the realm while the king remained unfit." - a monster sentence!
 * The quotes should be in double speech marks (as per MOS:QUOTEMARKS)
 * Consistency of "south west" and "south-west"
 * "including military marches which led to them both being summoned before council." - I was uncertain how a march would end up in summons... Might be worth clarifying
 * " the Family seat of the Courtenays" - capitalisation of "Family"
 * "Powderham Castle, west front, viewed from under the Victorian gatehouse. The leftmost tower dates from 1390–1450 as does the main high central block, which originally housed a full-height great hall. The central entrance tower was built between 1710-1727. The single-storey projecting room built between the two towers, with three tall gothic-style windows, is the Victorian Dining Hall.[39]" - unclear what the post "great hall" bit is adding in this particular context
 * "and Baron Bonville in the south-west of England" - a particular baron? More than one baron...?
 * "William Bonville" - link on first use
 * "Coat of Arms of Sir William Bonville, 1st Baron Bonville, KG" - not sure you need the KG here
 * "Michael hicks " - capitalisation of Hicks. Hchc2009 (talk) 21:03, 19 May 2016 (UTC)


 * ✅ Awaiting further instructions! Cheers, Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi  14:23, 20 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Final bits on the ce side...
 * "This prevented, by preventing recogntion, an official inquest being held into Radford's death." This final bit of the para appears uncited at the moment.
 * Some of the quotes are still in singles, by the way! :)
 * "with the Cathedral" - consistent capitalisation
 * "Martin cherry" - "Cherry"
 * "and Bonville ally, Sir Philip II Courtenay (d.1463); " - consistency of use of death dates in line (this seems to be the only one)
 * "The fight at Clyst" section - the brackets should really be converted to commas here
 * "However decisive devon's victory had been, " - "Devon"?
 * "The King was inacpacitated," - sp
 * "One Chronicler states that following his defeat," - capitalisation
 * "as the protectorate was soon to come to an end:" - colon should be a full stop
 * "Commissions of Oyer and terminer were issued in August" - capitalisation of oyer?
 * "but both parties to the feud were effectively elimiinated through the wars over the next few years." - "effectively"? or "killed in the wars"? They both seem to have died... Hchc2009 (talk) 06:03, 22 May 2016 (UTC)


 * ✅ and hopefully caught all thse bloomin' quote marks! Thanks for your help,, much appreciated! If anything else occurs to you- Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi  17:02, 26 May 2016 (UTC)

Comments by Johnbod
Johnbod (talk) 15:24, 22 July 2016 (UTC)
 * The lead is too short, and many paras need splitting. Key points currently emerge slowly from the rather dense lower sections - who was Yorkist & who not etc, the range of dates we are talking about, etc. It's currently a harder read than it should be.
 * Probably the first bit of "Background" should go to the lead, and the 2 sub-sections get promoted to full sections. Most of the 2nd isn't actually "background" but the feud itself.
 * I'd move the Clyst map up to the top.
 * I suspect some links are missing; Bastard feudalism should be worked in somewhere.
 * The very first sentence needs rearranging.
 * Unless the battle is merged, it should have a "main", no?
 * "His will was executed by some of the most important men on the Queen's council..." I don't think executors are said to "execute".
 * The quality of referencing seems excellent. I don't much care for the repetitious way they are formatted, but it is perfectly valid.
 * As Hchc2009's comments show, the writing could do with rereading and polishing. The prose doesn't always flow well.

Query: G'day, per the peer review instructions here, PRs should be closed when an article is nominated for GA. As this article is currently a GA nominee, do you wish for me to proceed with closing this review, so it can be archived? The bot that usually does most of the work is down, but I believe that I can do it manually. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 02:06, 4 January 2017 (UTC)
 * When was the PR opened. O Fortuna!  ...Imperatrix mundi.  11:13, 4 January 2017 (UTC)
 * in May last year: . Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 01:01, 5 January 2017 (UTC)
 * Just so. O Fortuna!  ...Imperatrix mundi.  11:04, 5 January 2017 (UTC)
 * G'day, just to clarify, do you wish it to be closed? If not, I will try to advertise it a bit on various Wikiproject pages to try to get more input. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 01:20, 6 January 2017 (UTC)
 * Nothing heard, as such I have advertised the review on the WP Devon talkpage now. If there aren't any further reviews in the next two weeks, I propose that this review be archived so that a potential reviewer can concentrate on the GAn without potentially competing reviews here. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 02:46, 11 January 2017 (UTC)
 * yeah thanks very much for your attendance here: tbh I'd forgotten about it. Indeed, somehow I even missed the second review above, so there was no way I was expecting it to be open nine months later! Ironically a GA has just started- don't hold out much hope for it though, unfortunately. Cheers mate, O Fortuna!  ...Imperatrix mundi.  02:56, 11 January 2017 (UTC)
 * No worries, good luck with the review. I will archive this one on 25 Jan if there haven't been any further reviews. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 01:21, 12 January 2017 (UTC)

I have closed this review now. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 10:46, 25 January 2017 (UTC)