Wikipedia:Peer review/Bovet Fleurier/archive1

Bovet Fleurier

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because the article has received GA status and further improvement of the article is sought.

Thanks, Zoticogrillo (talk) 00:40, 14 February 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is an interesting article. I have a few suggestions for improvement that I hope will be helpful.

Section heads
 * The Manual of Style advises against repeating the words of the article title in the section heads or of using "the" as the first word of a section head. Thus, instead of "Fleurier, home of Bovet", plain "Fleurier" would be preferred, and "The founder" should just be "Founder". Further down in the "Watches" section, preferred heads would be "Legacy", "Chronographs," and "Restoration", and so on.

Currency format
 * The Manual of Style in the WP:$ section says, "Fully identify a currency on its first appearance (AU$52); subsequent occurrences are normally given without the country identification or currency article link (just $88), unless this would be unclear." I fixed the first two in the lead, but the "US" should be removed throughout except for that first instance.

Lead
 * "a Swiss brand of luxury watchmakers" - Shouldn't that be brand of luxury watches rather than watchmakers?
 * "The original Bovet watches are also famous for being among the first to emphasize the beauty of the movements with their skeletonized views and highly decorative movements." - To avoid repeating "movements", perhaps something like "The original Bovet watches are also famous for being among the first to use skeletonized views to emphasize the beauty of their decorative movements" would be better. I would also suggest linking "movement" to "Movement (clockwork)" here on the first use rather than much lower down in the article.
 * second hand - I removed the confusing hyphen, but I'd also suggest linking this phrase to "Clock face".
 * "Pascal Raffy is the current owner and president." - "Current" is usually tricky because ambiguous. Suggestion: "As of xxxx, Pascal Raffy was the owner and president" or "Pascal Raffy became owner and president in xxxx", where xxxx is a specific year.

Fleurier
 * "Watch making" begins the section, but "watchmaking" is used elsewhere. You should pick the one your dictionary says is correct and use it throughout.
 * "At the time the area was known for metal working" - What area? Probably Fleurier, but it would be good to say it here in the first sentence as well as in the head. Also, where is Fleurier in relation to the nearest big towns? How big is it?
 * "However, due to the practice of selling production on credit, which was then sold on international markets, and which resulted in the undercutting of prices, and because of the destabilization of the Napoleonic wars, watch making in Fleurier experienced a huge decrease." - Too complex and unclear. The phrase "production on credit" will not be something that most readers will instantly comprehend. Does this mean that the watches were sold on credit and then re-sold or that the debt was re-sold? Why did this undercut prices? I'd suggest trying to make this part of the sentence more clear and splitting off the Napoleonic wars to a sentence of its own.

Beyond China
 * "After Jacques Ullmann went out of business in 1932, the Bovet name was acquired by Albert and Jean Bovet, who were successful watch makers and registered several patents for chronographs, such as the mono rattrapante—a device that would pause the second hand for a reading while the mechanism continued to run." - Too complex. Suggestion: "After Jacques Ullmann went out of business in 1932, the Bovet name was acquired by Albert and Jean Bovet. They were successful watchmakers who had registered several patents for chronographs such as the mono rattrapante, a device that would pause the second hand for a reading while the mechanism continued to run. Be sure to italicize mono rattrapante since it is not an English word.

Modern company
 * such as those in the STT group" - It would be good to give the full name also, if there is one, aside from the abbreviation. Ditto for ETA later, which stands for "ETA SA Manufacture Horlogère Suisse".

Legacy
 * eBay - I'd probably link this.
 * The Manual of Style advises against image "sandwiches" such as the one in the "Watches" section. The solution here might be to move the smaller image down a bit so that text is no longer sandwiched between the two.

Chronographs
 * ebauches - Should be ébauches. You can copy-and-paste to capture non-English letters if no other method is handy. Since this word is not English, it should be in italics. You can add the italics around the link, like this: ''ébauches.

Restoration
 * "Bovet watches are also unique for the company's tradition of employing women artisans, which is rare for traditional watch making companies in Europe." - If a thing is unique, it is the only thing of its kind. Unique is different from rare.

I hope these few comments prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 02:25, 21 February 2009 (UTC)