Wikipedia:Peer review/Brütal Legend/archive1

Brütal Legend
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take this article to Featured status, but need comments on the language and content. It is already a good article, but expecting it to need some copyedits to polish it up.

Thanks, M ASEM (t) 15:38, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

Note to nominator: Due to a shortage of reviewers, peer reviews are being delayed for up to two weeks. It will help to speed things up if you can find time to review one article from the backlog list, which appears on the WP:PR page. Thanks. Brianboulton (talk) 16:47, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I do not play such games and had not heard of this one, but it looks pretty good to me. Here are some suggestions for improvement, mostly nitpicks with FAC in mind. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:04, 2 August 2010 (UTC)
 * The external link checker tool (upper right corner here) finds 6 dead links that will need to be fixed before FAC.
 * Lead I think the "of" could be removed in Brütal Legend was generally well-received by game reviewers, praising Schafer's vision and writing of the heavy metal-inspired world, and the performances of the voice cast, particularly of Black and Osbourne.
 * Gameplay I have never seen the use of the small font for unit conversions. I also would round the metric conversion to the same number of decimal places as the English units: The game uses an open world that Tim Schafer has described as being approximately 40 mi2(103.6 km2) in area.[4] I would say 40 mi2 and 104 km2. You could also use the convert template.
 * I would use "into" instead of "in" in ...a roadie who one day finds himself transported in[to] a fantasy heavy metal world.
 * I think it might help to mention that Clementine is the guitar in Launching magical attacks from [his guitar] Clementine is performed by playing a minigame... Similarly for the other tools - I read the sentence defining and naming each once, then had to go back and find it to see what Deuce or whatever was in some cases.
 * I might split the first Gameplay paragraph into two - start the new second paragraph with the Fire Tributes material.
 * Need to be consistent on game specific terms - for example is it Stage Battles or "Stage Battles" or "stage battles" (all are used). The capitalization looks odd to me, but I understand this may be a game style issue.
 * Characters I would make this a new sentence (whose hair is so big "and luscious" that he uses it to fly, flapping it like a pair of broad wings).[14]  The general's hair is so big...
 * 'Plot Awkward Having use for Ophelia no longer, Doviculus rips out her heart, ... Perhaps Having no more use for Ophelia, ...
 * Link Psychonauts on first appearance - it is also linked three times in the article, which might be seen as WP:OVERLINKing
 * Link cut-scene (and make spelling consistent)
 * Characters and voice acting I would say "in consideration of" in Schafer stated the filters were added to the game in considering of older players that may not wish to see such aspects...
 * Third paragraph of Soundtrack needs at least one ref
 * The big double table of songs and artists has some issues for me - first off the tables do not quite line up on my monitor - could this be one table 4 columns wide? Second, could the table be collapsible or moved to the end of the article? As it is, it is a big blob in the middle of the article that I suspect most readers will skip over.
 * Development history - I am uncertain does the last phrase in ..until EA Partners picked up the game for its 2009 release during December 2008.[18]  refer to when the release was (2009 releases actually start a month early for the holidays? Or does it refer to when EA picked up the game?
 * Awkward While Double Fine believed they were given the go-ahead to develop a sequel to Brütal Legend, but were told by EA that it was cancelled.[52]  also could a date / year or two be added for calrity and context?
 * Reception need to spell out what an RTS is (at least I did not see that anywhere)
 * I am still a bit fuzzy on stage battles - as mentioned I am not a gamer, so it might just be my near total ignorance.