Wikipedia:Peer review/Brampton Walk of Fame/archive1

Brampton Walk of Fame
This peer review discussion has been closed. Failed GA, was polished by a member of the Guild of Copy Editors, now I'm wanting to see if it's now ready for GA again. -- Zanimum (talk) 15:52, 25 November 2011 (UTC)

For such a short article, five paragraphs in the lead seem too much, see WP:LEAD for guidance.
 * Comments
 * Right, good point. I was developing the article as one section with a list, but it works better as sections.

"is a honours system", firstly I would say "an" and secondly, "honours system" could use a link because, for people like me (Brit) it's not clear what that means.
 * I think the term’s unfamiliarity is less a national thing, and more a case of it just not being a common term. Linked.

Mildly confused, it says "to be located " and then goes on to talk about its unveiling and inductees. It is located....
 * Well, you’re not alone in confusion. That’s actually why I started this article in the first place, to try and sort out the tidbits of information, scattered across multiple sources, as a result of any official source. The walk was announced, a few days later cardboard versions of the plaques were unveiled, inductees present. To date, they have not laid any of the plaques. In the summer, they said Russell Peters would be inducted in the fall. He wasn’t. He was to officially be the “first” inductee, despite the others being inducted before him.

" not yet "official"." I'm not sure what that means, official according to what criteria?
 * I’ve changed it to “the walk of fame is not yet "official" with the City, according to media reports.” Basically, City Council didn’t get a chance to even get the walk of fame on council agenda before the event, and hasn’t discussed it since. They did mention it during a council meeting, but there was no vote or discussion held.

"Rose Theatre Brampton." -> "Rose Theatre Brampton" (no full stop).
 * Fixed.

"was established last year." this will age quickly, be specific about what year last year was.
 * Fixed.

Why isn't Peters linked in the lead?
 * Whoops. That reference, now in the history section, is linked.

"despite the three summer inductions" who were...?
 * I’ve done a bit of monkeying around with that section, to provide a bit more context for the event, as well as mention the inductees there, too.

"by Mississauga, Ontario" what is this, an organisation?
 * Whoops, sorry, that’s Brampton southern neighbour. I guess I shouldn’t assume anyone reading this article would be familiar with local geography.

"This isn't the first "walk of fame"" avoid contractions and you could actually link the "walk of fame" here.
 * While avoiding both “isn’t” and “is not”, I ended up rewording that sentence to the point where walk of fame isn’t actually mentioned.

"induction ceremonies for Canadian comedian" more than one induction ceremony for one guy?
 * Whoops.

"RDB" what's that? You should use the full title before the abbreviation.
 * I’m going to skip this suggestion. The band is regularly only referred to as RDB. It’s only really in their Wikipedia article that the definition of the band’s name is mentioned. Sort of like S Club 7, N*SYNC, there’s no real obvious meaning to the name.

"a high level donor " add "is" in front of a here.
 * Fixed.

"and 2011" -> "and is a 2011"…
 * Fixed.

What's IIFA?
 * Added earlier in the article, in a new reference to the event surrounding the induction.

Why is Basu's choice of clothing relevant to this article?
 * Believe me, I find it trivial too. But much of the coverage of Basu in Brampton was centred around her appearance and apparel.

Looks like a couple of sources have been tagged as possibly unreliable.
 * @mohitsmovies is indeed the film critic’s own Twitter account. Unfortunately, there’s really no other source to say he and Lisa Ray hosted. There’s amateur video of the ceremonies, but I don’t believe they show the duo introducing themselves. I would like to include their names, is there any way around this? As for the second possibly unreliable tweet, it is just the tweet of nobody in particular. But it’s the only source I can find to prove that the event was indeed private. Some of the South Asian media in Canada did interview from within the event, but there is nothing explicitly saying that the populous was excluded from participating in the invitation-only event.

The Rambling Man (talk) 13:58, 12 December 2011 (UTC)

Did I miss anything? I’m doing these edits offline in Notepad. -- Zanimum (talk) 00:15, 21 December 2011 (UTC)