Wikipedia:Peer review/Britney Spears/archive3

Britney Spears
This article has recently passed GA. As Britney Spears gets so much attention from the media, being one of the most searched names on the internet, and as pop phenomenon, her article should be in top shape, aka FA status. Oidia (talk) 14:39, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
 * First peer review
 * Second peer review

J Milburn
Ok, looks like a high-quality article. A few small things that could do with fixing-
 * A number of times, you use the word Spears's. Is this correct? I would spell it Spears ' , but the article's usage is probably correct.
 * ❌ I've asked about it in the Reference Desk, dicussed it in the talk page. And majority of people agreed that Spears's is the correct term. Oidia (talk) 04:57, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
 * You might want to add a footnote about that spelling from Bartleby's. &mdash; RJH (talk) 23:20, 8 October 2007 (UTC)


 * The sentence "The album of the same title was released in January 1999, reaching number one on the Billboard 200,[25] and certified Diamond with more than 25 million copies sold worldwide,[26][27] although it received mixed reviews." is horribly clunky. Perhaps it could be broken down a little?
 * ✅ Although that's the disadvantage of using the lead single's name for the album's name. Oidia (talk) 02:59, 8 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "The success of Spears's music coupled with her controversial image made her one of the year's biggest stars." could do with a reference. Who has said that it was those things that made her a star?
 * ✅ The source phrased it slightly different, but it's obvious that they are saying the same thing. Oidia (talk) 03:16, 8 October 2007 (UTC)


 * I am not sure that the tours should be in italics; I think they are just meant to be phrased in normal text. I can't see anything that could include tours on the list of titles to put in italics.
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 05:23, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "Spears released her third studio album Britney in November 2001. This was the first album where Spears assumed some creative control by co-writing five of the album's tracks." Can we have a reference for this?
 * ✅ I rephrased the sentence, and used the Rolling Stone's review as an appropriate reference. Oidia (talk) 05:10, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * The line "In contrast Rolling Stone said of the album, "Britney" belabors the obvious: "Spears is one month away from entering her twenties and clearly needs to grow up if she's going to bring her fans along."" is a little confusing. Too many quote marks, made slightly worse by the fact I am quoting it here.
 * ✅ Is it better now? Oidia (talk) 04:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "hit a sour note" isn't a very encyclopedic phrase. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a pun ;-)
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 04:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "was highlighted by Forbes in 2002" Forbes is the name of the publishing company, and the link leads to that. We have no article for the magazine, but at least call it Forbes Magazine, and remember that, as a periodical, it should be italicised.
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 04:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)

Ok, that's all for now- got to dash for a while. I will review it further either later tonight or tomorrow at some point. J Milburn 15:54, 5 October 2007 (UTC)

Right, time to finish my review. Sorry for knocking your comment down Jeff, I just prefer to keep all my reccomendations together.
 * "newest single "Someday (I Will Understand)," originally"- I think the comma should be outside the quote marks, as the comma is not part of the title.
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 10:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "2007: Return to Music: Blackout"- Is there any reason 'music' is spelt with a capital M? Is it a proper noun?
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 10:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "Brunette Spears covering herself with the vest in the music video for Gimme More."- Quote marks!
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 10:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "successful single in the United States since her debut, ...Baby One More Time."- And again.
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 10:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "attention and was lauded as her "comeback""- By who? Names, publications, quotes, refs.
 * ✅ I didn't exactly mentioned "who" in the article, but I think 3 sources from 3 different countries all saying it is a "comeback" is good enough. Oidia (talk) 03:40, 8 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "a media critic noted that Spears seemed confused and disoriented on stage and appeared to have forgotten the lyrics and dance moves to her performance."- Again, who, and who were they writing for?
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 03:50, 8 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "On September 18, it was announced that Spears had been dropped by her management company, The Firm."- Is The Firm the name of the company? Why is there no wikilink? Why is it in italics?
 * ✅ Althought not wikilinked due to the absence of an article. Oidia (talk) 10:55, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * Single line paragraphs are generally frowned upon; there's a few in 'Film and television'.
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 10:55, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that" Rather than linking 'our president' to George Bush, I think it would be better to add [ George Bush ] after it.
 * ✅ I think it's probably better to just remove the wikilink all together. Oidia (talk) 10:55, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "On May 28, 2007, Spears made a cameo appearance on the premire of the E! reality show Sunset Tan. There were rumours that she had only appeared because her then-manager Larry Rudolph is one of the co-owners of the shop; a few weeks later, these rumours were confirmed to be true." Urgently need refs for that, otherwise we have a potential BLP problem. Also, a wikilink to Larry Rudolph would be nice, if we have an article.
 * ✅ I removed all the information about the "rumor" because no source can be found. I did add a ref to it though. Oidia (talk) 11:17, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * "NBC has a show in development reportedly titled Occasional Wife, with Matthew Perry as the lead. This supposed remake of a sitcom of the same name in the 1960's would also star Spears as the opposite since she has tested the role and received positive response."- Refs? Also, I am not sure I like the phrasing of that line, not to mention the misused apostrophe on 1960s.
 * ✅ cited and removal of excess information. Oidia (talk) 11:17, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * Going back to the tours thing- italics are probably not correct, but I doubt speech marks are either. Even worse, some have speech marks, some don't.
 * ✅ Removed italics, but inserted speech marks as they are "names" of tours. Oidia (talk) 10:55, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * Some perfumes have speech marks, others don't. Not sure which is more accurate.
 * ✅ Speech marked. Oidia (talk) 10:55, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * Again, single sentece paragraphs in the first personal life section.
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 10:55, 6 October 2007 (UTC)


 * And in the second section.
 * ✅ Oidia (talk) 10:55, 6 October 2007 (UTC)

Ok, that's everything I saw on first reading. J Milburn 09:41, 6 October 2007 (UTC)

Jeff Dahl

 * You might try to cut back on the wikilinks, per MoS, which should be used only when relevant or for dates etc. Such gratuitous examples include: actress, dancer, author, film, divorce, advertising, grade school, manager, contractor, gymnastics, solo, actress (2nd time), Catholic, schoolgirl, Grammy (once is enough, we don't need it every instance), George W. Bush|our president, engagement, nude, school uniform, etc. If every single noun is wikilinked, the article becomes nothing but a sea of blue. Jeff Dahl 17:57, 5 October 2007 (UTC)

Automated

 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR t 13:30, 6 October 2007 (UTC)

A thought
Isn't there some requirement that featured articles actually be about something significant, rather than about drugged-out, worthless, washed up, former pop tarts? Just a thought...
 * Ha! The answer is, "No." These reviews are based on the quality of the content of the article, not the subject of the article. Sorry. :) --Midnightdreary 00:48, 7 October 2007 (UTC)