Wikipedia:Peer review/C. Rajagopalachari/archive2

C. Rajagopalachari
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… The reviewer at the WP:GAN had insisted on another peer-review of the article. I shall not be able to edit this article for a couple of weeks as I shall not be active during the period. Hence, I request you to implement the changes you deem necessary (as much as possible); as for the rest, I'll implement them once I am able to be active again on Wikipedia. Thanks, The Enforcer Office of the secret service  12:56, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review


 * Views by MikeLynch

I don't see any problems with the content of the article as such, but I cleaned up the grammar of the lead, and I feel that the writing style has to be improved a bit more. It is not very easy to read in the present form; some sentences have to be joined. I think it'll take just a bit of work, and it'll be good for a GA.  Lynch 7  18:01, 8 July 2011 (UTC)

-- Redtigerxyz Talk 17:36, 10 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Redtigerxyz's suggestions
 * Criticism sections are generally recommended to be avoided (don't remember policy link). Try merging Criticism in other sections or write a "Evaluation/assessment" section with both praise as well as criticism. May be merge Legacy and criticism
 * The small Family section seems a little out of place. maybe it can be merged with Early life
 * The opening sentence is very misleading IMO. His primary claim to fame is First and only Indian Governor-General of Free lndia/the last Governor-General of India, which in IMO should be stated first. Compare with Manmohan Singh opening sentence, "Manmohan Singh is the 13th and current Prime Minister of India." It does not say that he was a RBI governor, finance minister and PM at various times in the opening sentence (the chronolical order).
 * "Inspired by Bal Gangadhar Tilak" A world audience may not know who Tilak is. So I suggest adding description "Inspired by Indian independence activist Bal Gangadhar Tilak" or similar to add some context as done in "Indian freedom fighter P. Varadarajulu Naidu". Similar description is needed for V. O. Chidambaram Pillai et al
 * "and was afterwards imprisoned by the British." year? ambiguous
 * "He also introduced prohibition ... ": I observed some paras start with pronoun, which adds ambiguaity. Always start with a noun
 * Also I notice there are many small sections of 1 para like Governor of West Bengal 1947–1948, In Nehru's Cabinet, 1965 Anti-Hindi agitations in Madras, 1967 elections etc. I suggest merging sections to have longer sections to avoid a long TOC
 * I noticed criticise as well as criticize is used. Stick to one kind of English. Indian English will be most suitable IMO.
 * The sudden appearance of "His son, C. R. Narasimhan, at his bedside at death" is out of order. The article does not even say before that Rajaji married. Similarly, Indian Independence Movement says nothing an imprisonment in 1921, but "Contributions to literature and music" tells about the prison sentence
 * Move "He wrote a Tamil re-telling of the Sanskrit epic Ramayana which appeared as a serial in the Tamil magazine Kalki from May 23, 1954 to November 6, 1955.[63] The episodes were later collected and published as Chakravarthi Thirumagan, a book which won Rajaji the 1958 Sahitya Academy award in Tamil language." from "Breakup with the Congress" to "Contributions to literature and music". Do not state it twice.
 * "On his death, condolences poured in from all corners of the country." may be more suitable in the death section. Also something about his funeral needs to be added.