Wikipedia:Peer review/Canadian Heraldic Authority/archive2

Canadian Heraldic Authority
This peer review discussion has been closed. I plan on taking this article to FAC sometime in the next few months, with an aim to having it appear on the Main Page on 4 June (23rd anniversary of its creation). I'm aware that some of the refs are currently dead links; please don't concern yourselves with that. I know where the updated links are and will be fixing them.
 * Previous peer review

At this time I am more concerned about:
 * Clarity of prose
 * Adequate coverage of the subject
 * Is anything overly detailed?
 * Is anything important missing from the article?

Thanks, → ROUX  ₪  19:59, 3 November 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article - I think it has some serious issues and need lots of work before it would be ready for FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement.
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches
 * I have some concerns about close paraphrasing. I checked the first three sourced statements of the History section. The first sentence is a pretty close paraphrase and needs to be rewritten:
 * This article: ''Before the creation of the Canadian Heraldic Authority, Canadians wishing to obtain a legally granted coat of arms had to apply to one of the two heraldic offices in the United Kingdom: either the College of Arms in London, or if of Scottish descent, to the Court of the Lord Lyon in Edinburgh.[2]


 * Original: ''It should be noted that until the Authority was established, a Canadian wishing a grant of arms had to petition either the College of Arms in London or - if of Scots descent - the Court of the Lord Lyon in Edinburgh.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:43, 24 November 2010 (UTC)
 * The second sourced statement is better, and the third is to the first ref, which does not work (not one of the four dead ones the EL checker finds) so I could not check it. The fourth statement is to a book and seems OK, but please check everything carefully before FAC and make sure nothing is too close to the original.
 * The lead is not really a true summary of the article and does not follow WP:LEAD. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. As such, nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself - however the Office of the Chief Herald of Ireland in The Republic of Ireland seems to only be in the lead.
 * My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way - the History section (for one) does not seem to be in the lead, nor are the Heralds of Arms or the honorary heralds or the blazon.
 * The abbreviation CHA should be introduced in the first sentence of the lead
 * Another statement that seems to only be in the lead is well-known for its innovative designs, many incorporating First Nations symbolism. Who says they are well known for this? The words innovative and design appear only here. I assumed this would be referenced to some sort of external sources, like newspaper or magazine articles, but there are no newspaper articles and only one magazine article that I could see. I note that a Google books search finds a fair number of books that at least mention the CHA
 * I would try to get more refs that are from independent third-party reliable sources. Google news did not turn up anything, but I find it hard to belive that the CHA has never been profiled or mentioned in a news article - if nothing else when it was established
 * The Blazon needs a ref - I did not see one at least
 * Please make sure the article follows WP:ITALIC in its use of bold font - why are Heralds Emeritus and Heralds Extraordinary in bold, for example
 * I doubt that two uses of File:Coat of arms of the CHA.jpg in this article meets the minimal use criterion of WP:NFCC
 * Could a free image of Rideau Hall be used in the article? Are there free images of any of the heralds?
 * The article has a fair number of short (one or two sentence) paragraphs that should either be combined with others or perhaps expanded to improve flow.
 * Any idea how many people have gotten arms through this office since it opened? How many in a year? Any famous people use it (Celine Dion or Wayne Gretzky?)
 * Any criticisms of the CHA?
 * Any idea of the budget? Staff numbers (or is all the staff listed)?
 * Do the See also all meet WP:See also - usually for links not otherwise mentioned in the article