Wikipedia:Peer review/Canberra Roller Derby League/archive1

Canberra Roller Derby League
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would eventually like to possibly nominate it for FAC. Not certain what is necessary to get an article on this topic up to FAC in terms of information. Need general FAC related trying to it there feedback.

Thanks, LauraHale (talk) 02:24, 15 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Poor layout; sections too short, lede is not a fair summary of the whole; refs have various format e.g. date as 14 September 2011 and 10 October 2011; short/choppy sentences which could be combined, e.g. The team's name is a play on the ACT floral emblem, the Canberra Bluebell. The team is known inside the league for its fast skating and hard hits.  Chzz  ► 14:59, 25 October 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I agree with every comment made above - this needs a lot of work to stand a chance of passing at FAC. Here are some more suggestions for improvement with FAC in mind. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:26, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are many sport FAs at [[
 * I am concerned that the article goes into a level of detail that is not encyclopedic. For example every member of the all star team, and apparently every commercial sponosr are listed. This seems like excessive detail, especially when you look at the references for these... This is a WP:NOT issue
 * When I looked at the sources for the all star roster and the team sponsors, they turned out to all be from the web page of the league itself. As much as possible, claims need to be sourced to reliable third-party sources which are independent of the league. I doubt any newspaper articles would give a laundry list of team sponsors, and the Wikipedia article should not either. Similarly, unless you can find independent reliable sources that cover every member of the all star team, there is no real reason to list them all. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * Even if the all star roster is notable for inclusion here, if one ref is used for every item in a table column, it can be included in the top header(s) for the table.
 * I was surprised that there were not listings of which teams the all stars were from in the table (American baseball all star team members wear their home teacm uniforms in the all star game)
 * Unless there is a good reason not to, it is usually easist to keep things in chronological order. So The first public bout of the league's history had over 1,000 spectators in attendance and sold out within twenty-four hours of tickets going on sale.[41] could be something like The first public bout of the league's history sold out within twenty-four hours of tickets going on sale and had over 1,000 spectators.[41]  (can a more precise attendance figure be found?)
 * Why is there a table of the whole season for the most recent year, but not the other two? See WP:RECENT
 * This is an article crying out for more pictures
 * Part of getting an article through FAC is attention to detail - every i needs to be dotted and every t crossed. Little things like being consistent on the use of quotes on "Fresh Meat" and "Boot Camp" (or is it just Fresh Meat and Boot Camp)?
 * Per WP:MOSQUOTE use "double quotes" not 'single quotes' (except for a quote within a quote) so fix things like ''The name is a play on the fact that Canberra has a legal 'adult' industry.[17]
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
 * Aaargh. Only just noticed this. Will get to work on all the issues you have raised. Hawkeye7 (talk) 19:42, 12 November 2011 (UTC)