Wikipedia:Peer review/Captivity of Mangalorean Catholics at Seringapatam/archive2

Captivity of Mangalorean Catholics at Seringapatam
This peer review discussion has been closed. This article currently holds GA status. I hope to eventually nominate it for FA status eventually. As such, i would like to know whether the article satisfies the FA criteria. I am especially interested in knowing whether this article satisfies WP:NPOV and also whether it is ambiguous or vague in certain areas. Thanks. Joyson Noel Holla at me!  10:13, 27 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review

Finetooth comments: This is quite interesting and generally well-done but not yet ready for FAC. Here are some suggestions for further improvement.


 * I found a fixed quite a few small problems such as commas missing from triple dates, no-break codes missing from combinations like 19 century, and the like, as well as minor tweaks of the prose. However, I did not have time to do this as carefully as possible. I think that the article would not quite pass the "professional prose" requirement at FAC and could do with at least one more copyedit. You might find a willing copyeditor via WP:GOCE or the general copyediting list at WP:PRV.
 * Article has been copy-edited by User:Philg88.


 * I think it would be helpful to readers outside India if all of the money amounts in the article were also given in either British pounds, Euros, or U.S. dollars.
 * It would be impossible for me to do that. For instance, i do not know how many rupees Rs. 3,30,000 in 1785 (of Tipu's kingdom) amounts to in modern times. I should first be able to figure out it's value in modern Indian currency before being able to transform it into British pounds, Euros or U.S. Dollars.


 * WP:MOSQUOTE deprecates the use of fancy quotation marks such as those in the "Criticism of Tipu" section. Blockquotes for quotations of four lines or more are preferred.
 * Fixed the concerned quotes.


 * The long quotations at the end of the article are much too long and tend to repeat information already covered. I would say that they also are not neutral in that they repeat the awful details, which do not need to be repeated. I would simply delete them.
 * I beg to differ! The Holocaust and Nanking Massacre articles provide such quotes as well, repetitive in my opinion.


 * Directional images generally look better if facing into the page. File:Tipu Sultan BL.jpg would be better positioned on the right side of the page.
 * Fixed!

Under the Wodeyar Rajas and Hyder Ali
 * "Hyder's army consisted of several Catholic soldiers... " - Quite a small army. Perhaps "included" rather than "consisted of"?
 * lol. Fixed!


 * "where French generals used to offer prayers and priests used to visit" - Straight past tense; i.e., "where French generals offered prayers and priests visited"?
 * Fixed!


 * "because it was the punishment to be awarded to the people who betray the sovereign" - Perhaps "because it was the standard punishment for betraying the sovereign"?
 * Fixed!

Causes
 * "by the orders of the Bombay Government" - Should "Bombay Government" be briefly explained? Readers may not know what it refers to.
 * I don't see why they should not know. Every individual familiar with this era of Indian history knows that the troops were subject to the British East India company. So obviously, it refers to the government comprised by the British East India company in Bombay. In Indian schools, we learn about it in history classes.


 * "Firstly, when the French soldiers laid down their arms because of the Peace of Paris (1783) treaty" - More background would be helpful here too. What did the treaty have to do with Mangalore?
 * It had nothing to do with Mangalore, but with Tipu Sultan. Those interested on this treaty can refer to the Tipu Sultan article or those of the Anglo-Mysore wars. I think given the context, it is sufficient to state that the Christians refused to fight for Tipu.


 * "amounted to over three to four lakhs" - Could this also be expressed in terms familiar to readers worldwide?
 * Impossible for me to do so, as stated above.

Execution of orders
 * "ordered a fine of 3 crore rupees" - Most readers will have no idea how much this is.
 * Impossible for me to do so, as stated above.

Fifteen-year captivity
 * Would it be helpful to briefly explain or translate risalas and dhoolies?
 * Risalas is already translated above. One English prisoner related that two risalas (regiments of soldiers) arrived daily in Seringapatam to select girls they could take as prizes to join their harems. I have translated Dhoolie. It is a Hindustani word for palanquin.


 * "Scurry also reports that Tipu relented the demand of the captive girls, when one captive fell from his beast and expired on the spot through loss of blood." - This does not make sense as written. "Relented" is not the right word, but I'm not quite sure what is meant. Perhaps it means that Tipu stopped ordering the capture of girls when one captive fell from his beast and expired... ".
 * The word "Relent" means to "abandon or mitigate a harsh intention or cruel treatment." I've reworded it as follows: Scurry also reports that Tipu relented on his demand for captive girls, after one captive fell from her beast and expired on the spot through loss of blood.


 * "Unable to stomach the indifferent camp food, Balthazaar of Belthangady, a Mangalorean Catholic nobleman, offered to make a chutney, which came to be known as the lengendary "Balthazaar Chutney" for the captured Mangalorean Catholics." - Since the rest of the paragraph is about mistreatment, this sentence seems out of place. Would it help to re-phrase it as "Because the food was so bad in the camp, Balthazaar... "?
 * Reworded as ''As the food in the camp was sub-standard, Balthazar of Belthangady, a Mangalorean Catholic nobleman, offered to make a chutney for the captured Mangalorean Catholics.


 * "after being circumcised" - Link to circumcision?
 * Fixed!


 * Link palanquin and polyandry?
 * Fixed! Palanquin is already linked above.


 * The link-checker tool in the toolbox at the top of this review page finds one dead link in the citations.
 * This is odd! Checklinks shows it as dead. However, upon opening it, it seems to be just fine. I have not used the link as reference, but as an external link. http://dspace.vidyanidhi.org.in:8080/dspace/bitstream/2009/2525/4/UOM-1996-902-3.pdf

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 19:59, 6 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
 * Thanks for taking the time to conduct a review. Your comments were appreciated and proved very helpful. Joyson Noel  Holla at me!  12:59, 18 March 2011 (UTC)