Wikipedia:Peer review/Cardiff Blues/archive1

Cardiff Blues
General hint and tips on how to get this article to a higher standard please! References are coming.

Steve1978 03:36, 22 December 2006 (UTC)


 * Hi, great work with re-writing the article and adding a lot more information. I have a few ideas to improve it further:


 * Look at other good rugby articles for ideas, such as Crusaders and All Blacks.
 * Headings and sub-headings should not have capitals on second words.
 * You don't need to wiki-link everything. For example, in the Identity section, link Cardiff RFC once instead of each mention.
 * Try and expand and make every section as comprehensive as possible. Merge New Stadium? into the Ground section, but expand it further...such as explaining how for larger fixtures the club may take games to Millennium.
 * Sponsors should be re-written into a bigger paragraph on colours/jerseys/etc.
 * Check for spelling mistakes such as Biarritz Olimpique-->Biarritz Olympique
 * De-link some things that don't have articles, such as players, CL seasons etc.
 * And yeah, a lot of references are needed. See those other articles for examples.
 * The introduction needs to be tripled in size at least. Just write a nice overview of the whole article.
 * To make it look a bit better, try to avoid having heaps of paragraphs with just one line to them, like the 2006-07 section.
 * Thanks and good luck with it, it is looking good. Cvene64 08:18, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks, good advice. The Crusaders site looks like a good example to base things things on.

Steve1978 12:22, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

My 2 cents:
 * "In addition..." Just get rid of that.
 * "Their main domestic leage is the Magners League which is a Celtic competition." I have a small problem here. Your sentences have been consistently closing with prepositional phrases or subordinate clauses, and it's just getting overwhelming to read. So, I suggest you write this in the quotation above's place: "Their main domestic leage is the Magners League,a Celtic competition."
 * Actually, say "Cardiff competes" -- you forgot the "s" for the singular verb tense.

All the best, Evan(Salad dressing is the milk of the infidel!) 13:19, 22 December 2006 (UTC)
 * What's a "the original four Welsh regional sides." Only the Welsh viewers would have total comprehension about that.
 * "Although a successful club, having qualified for the Heinekne Cup every season, they have yet to win honours in one of their competitions." in-line citation, please?
 * "Welsh regional sides. he Blues have strong ties to" You forgot the capital T'.
 * "The team is owned and run by Cardiff Rugby Football Club Ltd.." You have 2 periods there.
 * "The Arms Park, as it is known, is dominated by..." change the word 'dominated' to 'overshadowed'.
 * "Access to the Arms Park is from the castle end of Westgate Street, Cardiff." Do you really need this line? It sounds like you're the announcer in Lexington Avenue directing the UN reps to the other side of the city. (Which does happen in NYC, if you're familiar.)
 * " On occasion, Cardiff Blues have also used the Millennium Stadium for matches." Get rid of the "On occasion," verify this, and then put a space between this sentence and the next.
 * "Recently there has been renewed" Add a comma after recently. Find a citation for this rumour/hearsay.
 * Link "Leckwith"
 * "could move across the city to Leckwith where Cardiff City FC's new 30,000 seat stadium is due to be built." Just say "will move to the adjecent town of Leckwith, when the Cardiff City FC stadium is completed."
 * You don't have a single in-line citation. Get busy.
 * I'll come back for more grammar corrections in like a week and a half. I'm busy. Just drop a line.
 * One more: "(Bridgend RFC; Caerphilly RFC; Cardiff RFC; Ebbw Vale RFC; Llanelli RFC; Neath RFC; Newport RFC; Pontypridd RFC; Swansea RFC)" Can't you put an in-line here and then list all of these teams in the references?

Some points in addition to the above: Hope this helps. Oldelpaso 16:29, 22 December 2006 (UTC)
 * Don't just limit yourself to rugby union articles for ideas, there are several featured articles devoted to sports teams in other sports.
 * Be careful to avoid statements of opinion, such as The first few months of the Cardiff Blues' first season were underwhelming to say the least and January finally brought the beleaguered Cardiff Blues reason to be cheerful - while such terms might be acceptable in a magazine article, an encyclopedia article should stick to the facts and present them in an impartial manner.
 * Consider removing the list of youth players.
 * Does the list of notable former players have any criteria for inclusion? If so, mention it. If not, remove the list.
 * The article sorely needs a spellcheck. There are three typos in the first paragraph alone.

My recommendations: - Shudda   talk  04:57, 27 December 2006 (UTC)
 * Be specific about the dates, times you are talking about. For example in the Formation section t's stated; "In a process instigated by the new CEO of the Welsh Rugby Union (WRU), David Moffett". It said new, he isn't CEO anymore, should say something like "instigated by former CEO David Moffett in 2002". Or something like that, you get my point.
 * Be really careful of Weasel Words, maybe nominate this article for WikiProject Rugby union/Collaboration of the fortnight to get some help.
 * Remove anything considered POV, for example; "The first few months of the Cardiff Blues' first season were underwhelming to say the least."
 * For notable players, delist it and have some criteria for inclusion. If you look at Crusaders you'll see the notable players list is those that have played over 100 games for the franchise.
 * Add a records section, for players and the team. Top scorers, most tries, etc etc.
 * Add inline citations everywhere, esp after statements that can be considered POV.

Thanks, good points, will rewrite to get rid of POV phrasing. Steve1978