Wikipedia:Peer review/Cavalera Conspiracy/archive1

Cavalera Conspiracy
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to nominate this article for featured article candidacy, but I think in its current state, this article does not meet adequately the requirements listed in the featured article criteria page.

Thanks,  C  anniba loki  17:50, 28 October 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This generally looks good to me. With the exception of the lead, it's well-written, nicely illustrated, and interesting. However, it might not be comprehensive, and I'm not sure that things like Blabbermouth.net qualify as reliable sources. I made a couple of minor proofing changes, and here are some observations that might be helpful.
 * Sources from Blabbermouth.net were removed.--  C  anniba loki  04:16, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

Background Inflikted General I hope these few suggestions prove helpful.
 * I wanted to know why some of the band members, including Igor, wanted Gloria to leave the band. Igor must have known that Max wouldn't like this idea. What was the reason for this drastic move?
 * Explained.--  C  anniba loki  04:14, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * I couldn't help noticing some exact repetition of sentences in the lead and the main text. Here's one: " ...after a sold-out show at London's Brixton Academy, Igor, guitarist Andreas Kisser, and bassist Paulo Jr. told Max they wanted to replace numerous members of the band's staff, including his wife Gloria." Here's another that's almost an exact copy: "Igor appeared on the Sepultura's next four studio records before leaving in January 2006 to work on his DJ project, Mixhell, and spend more time with his family." Here's another: "Inflikted, named after the band's original moniker, was released through Roadrunner Records on 25 March 2008." I'd suggest re-writing the lead so that it summarizes without exactly repeating.
 * Rewritten.--  C  anniba loki  05:19, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "before leaving in January 2006 to work on his DJ project" - Would it be helpful to spell out and/or link DJ? DJ also appears in the lead.
 * Linked DJ.--  C  anniba loki  04:14, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "Max also said that he talked to Rizzo about going back to the roots of the mid-1980s thrash metal... " Thrash metal should be wikilinked here rather than lower down in the article.
 * Done.--  C  anniba loki  04:14, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "Inflikted, named after the band's original moniker" - Wikilink moniker or use "nickname"? The word "moniker" also appears in the lead.
 * Done.
 * "The Infliktour supporting the debut album began on 30 May 2008, where Cavalera Conspiracy played their first official concert at... ". - Use "when" instead of "where"? Use "its" instead of "their"? In other words, "The Infliktour supporting the debut album began on 30 May 2008, when Cavalera Conspiracy played its first official concert at... ".
 * Reworded.--  C  anniba loki  04:14, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "During their tour, Cavalera Conspiracy... " - its tour?
 * Done.--  C  anniba loki  04:14, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Would it be possible to add information about album sales or any other statistics related to the band's popularity?
 * Added Billboard 200 chart and US sales.--  C  anniba loki  05:19, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Has anyone published a critical review of the band's music? Do music critics have anything to say about Calavera Conspiracy?
 * See the section "Inflikted".--  C  anniba loki  05:19, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * What are the lyrics like? What themes run through them?
 * Idem.--  C  anniba loki  05:19, 9 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Has the band won any awards?
 * I think not.--  C  anniba loki  04:14, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth (talk) 21:36, 6 November 2009 (UTC)