Wikipedia:Peer review/Cavalier King Charles Spaniel/archive2

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it's a GA of decent length and I believe that sufficient information is available to fill any gaps currently in the article in order to get it up to FA. However, I've never worked on a FA before so am unsure where to go with the article. I've checked out the Beagle article, which is currently the only dog breed FA article.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Miyagawa   (talk)  20:00, 10 February 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: These are really cute dogs, and the article's illustrations are quite charming. The article text is pretty good but needs another copyedit for small errors. I found and fixed quite a few small things, and I mention others below. You'll need to add alt text to meet FA requirements and make sure that all of your sources meet the WP:RS guidelines. I think the "History" section should come first rather than last.

Description
 * "Breed standards state that height of a Cavalier should be between 30 and 33 cm (12–13 in)... ". - Here the metric units are primary and the imperial units are secondary, but in the infobox you have the reverse order (lb. and kg). It would be best to decide which order is best and then stick with it consistently throughout. Since the article is more-or-less U.K.-centric, probably imperial as the primary would be best.
 * The primary units (pounds, inches) should be spelled out and the secondary units abbreviated.
 * "The tail is usually not docked, and is well feathered with long hair, although standards record that it should be free from curl. The Cavalier has a silky coat of moderate length. Standards state that it should be free from curl, although a slight wave is allowed." - Repetitious.
 * "It can grow feathering on their ears, feet, legs and tail in adulthood." - Not sure what "it" refers to.

Popularity
 * I'd suggest merging the two one-sentence orphan paragraphs at the end of this section with the first paragraph.

Temperament
 * "Being a spaniel they have a strong hunting instinct, and therefore should be watched around birds and small animals." - "Should" makes this sound a bit like a set of instructions to the reader. It might be better to say, "Spaniels have a strong hunting instinct and may endanger birds and small animals."
 * "However, owners have reported that through training their Cavaliers live happily with various hamsters, gerbils and so on." - Tighten by deleting "various" and "and so on"? Wikilink hamsters and gerbils? Add other specific animals to replace "and so on". Or just stop after hamsters and gerbils.

Health
 * "English Toy/King Charles Spaniels" - In general it's best to replace the front slash with a word because the front slash may be misinterpreted. Here and elsewhere in the article, "English Toy and King Charles spaniels" would be better.
 * "The health problems shared with English Toy/King Charles Spaniels include mitral valve disease, luxating patella, and hereditary eye issues such as cataracts and retinal dysplasia." - Move link for "luxating patella" up to first instance (a few sentences above this one). Add links for cataract and retinal dysplasia?

Syringomyelia
 * "Although symptoms of syringomyelia can present at any age, they typically appear between six months and four years of age in 85% of symptomatic dogs, according to Dr Rusbridge" - Full name needed here on first mention of Rusbridge. Also, instead of "Dr." it would be better to say what kind of doctor he or she is or to use a descriptive phrase; i.e., Clare Rusbridge, a research scientist.
 * The third paragraph of this section needs a source.
 * Wikilink ear mites?

Episodic Falling (EF)
 * "Except for severe cases, episodes will be in response to exercise, excitement or similar." - Missing word? Perhaps "... excitement or something similar"?
 * "Although it is often misdiagnosed as epilepsy, the dog remains conscious throughout the episode." - The dog isn't diagnosed as epilepsy. Suggestion: "Although EF is often misdiagnosed as epilepsy, which typically results in loss of consciousness, the dog remains conscious throughout the episode." I'm not sure if my added phrase is true or not, so you might think of a better way to put this.
 * "The onset of symptoms is usually before five months but can appear at any age." - Perhaps "usually occurs" rather than "is usually"?

Hip and knee disorders
 * This section needs citations to sources. My rule of thumb is to provide a source for every set of statistics, every claim that has been challenged or is apt to be challenged, every direct quotation, and every paragraph.
 * "Cavaliers can be subject to a genetic defect of the femur and knee... " - Wikilink femur?
 * "The grading system on the patella is grade 1–4; 1 being a tight knee to 4 which the knee cap will come out of place easily." - Awkward. Suggestion: "The grading system for the patella runs from 1 (a tight knee), to 4 (a knee so loose that its cap is easily displaced)."
 * "If your cavalier has a grade 1–2 you can use physical rehabilitation therapy and exercise to reduce the grading and potentially avoid surgery." - It's best to avoid addressing the reader directly as "you". Suggestion: "If a cavalier has a grade 1–2, physical rehabilitation therapy and exercise may reduce the grading and potentially avoid surgery."

Eye problems
 * "If treating with the ointments vets prescribe, careful attention to the dog's eyes should be paid, as they can be under- or over-medicated." - This sentence implies "you" and reads like part of a set of instructions (a how-to manual) rather than an encyclopedia article.
 * "They include hereditary cataracts, corneal dystrophy, distichiasis, dry eye syndrome, entropion, microphthalmia, progressive retinal degeneration, and retinal dysplasia." - Link or explain the ones that haven't already been linked or explained?

History
 * "Attempts were made to create the original King Charles Spaniel as early as the turn of the century 1900s... ". - Not sure what this means. Does it mean 1900 or 1800?

Divergence from King Charles Spaniel
 * "In 1926, an American named Roswell Eldridge offered a dog show class prize of twenty-five pounds each as a prize... ". - It's not clear whether "dog show class prize" means a "class prize" or a "dog-show prize" or a "dog show-class prize". Also, twenty-five pounds should be expressed as £25.
 * "Blenheim Spaniels of the old type, as shown in pictures of Charles II's time, long face, no stop, flat skull, not inclined to be domed, with spot in centre of skull." - Here and elsewhere in the article direct quotations need a citation to the source directly after the end punctuation of the quote.
 * "World War II caused a drastic setback to the breed, with the vast majority of breeding stock destroyed because of the hardship." - "With" makes a weak conjunction. Suggestion: "World War II caused a drastic setback to the breed when the vast majority of the breeding stock was destroyed because it was too expensive to maintain during the hardship." Or something like that.
 * "The first recorded Cavalier living in America was brought from Britain in 1956 by W. Lyon Brown, together with Elizabeth Spalding and other enthusiasts, she founded the Cavalier King Charles Club USA which continues to the present day." - Run-on sentence.

References
 * What makes Puppy-Training-at-Home.com and I-Love-Cavaliers.com reliable as sources. Do they meet WP:RS guidelines?

General
 * The images need alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images. Alt text is not the same as captions. WP:ALT has explanations and examples, and you can also see ongoing discussions of alt text at WP:FAC.
 * The link checker tool at the top of this review page finds two dead urls in the citations.
 * The dabfinder tool reveals three links that go to disambiguation pages rather than their intended targets.
 * Arrangement of material: I'd suggest putting "History" first as more logical than putting it last.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:06, 20 February 2010 (UTC)