Wikipedia:Peer review/Centennial Flame/archive1

Centennial Flame


I've listed this article for peer review because I am planning on upgrading this to GA and I need some feedback as to where to start.

Thanks, Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 13:36, 9 July 2021 (UTC)

Comments from Wetrorave
In my opinion the article is lacking in the 'broad' GA criterion, and would be benefited from an expansion. You can add the Find sources template at the talk page of it and research more about the monument from there.

Other comments below.

Infobox and lead

 * Infobox: "100th anniversary of Canadian Confederation" → "100th anniversary of the Canadian Confederation"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "the 100th anniversary of Confederation." → "the 100th anniversary of the Canadian Confederation."
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Remove the ref at the lead per WP:LEAD, and cite that info on the body of the article but do not remove the info itself from the lead (only the citation)
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * For an expansion of the Lead section, add this to the source code:
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

History

 * "The Flame was first lit" → "The Centennial Flame was first lit"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "as the climax of the" – wikilink climax to Climax (narrative)
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "He was joined on the hill by leader of the Opposition and former Prime Minister, John Diefenbaker, and Secretary of State, who was in charge of the Centennial, Judy LaMarsh as well as thousands of onlookers." – this sentence confuses me as to whether who is who. I'd suggest cutting the "who was in charge of the Centennial" part unless it's necessary, and adding a comma after Judy LaMarsh
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "This Centennial Flame" → "The Flame"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "stands today.[4] It is located near" → "stands today, near"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "(the centre gate), in front" → "(the centre gate). It is located in front"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "and Centre Block.[4] The Centre Block is" → "and Centre Block,[4] the latter of which is"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "the House of Commons, the Senate" → "the House of Commons and the Senate" + remove the part from "serves as" to "MPs and Senators" since it's off-topic
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "ways; for example the re-enactment" → "ways, including a re-enactment"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "the Battle of the Thames, the building of a destroyer out of match sticks, etc." → "the Battle of the Thames and a building featuring a destroyer made out of match sticks."
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

About the monument

 * Retitle to "Design"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "The Centennial Flame is encompassed" → "The monument is encompassed"
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Merge the second paragraph with the first, since both deal with the fountain
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "bad weather[8] or for maintenance purposes.[9]" → "bad weather or for maintenance purposes.[8][9]" per WP:FOOTNOTE
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:00, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

Others

 * Article is uncategorized; see WP:CATEGORY.
 * ✅ --Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 15:06, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

That's it for me. Wetrorave (talk) 01:30, 16 July 2021 (UTC)