Wikipedia:Peer review/Chester A. Arthur/archive1

Chester A. Arthur
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've just completed a total rewrite and want another editor's opinion on how it reads now.

Thanks, Coemgenus (talk) 14:22, 22 July 2011 (UTC)

Cmguy777's review
The Chester A. Arthur article has been extensively rewritten and thoroughly researched. My potential concerns include the following:
 * President Garfield's Sec. Hunt and President Arthur's Sec. Chandler need to share responsibility for reforming the Navy. According to Doenecke Sec. Hunt started the process of reform and Pres. Arthur appointed Sec. Chandler to administer and continue Naval reform.
 * Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 13:56, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Arthur's father needs to be mentioned as an abolitionist since he started an abolitionist group in New York. Arthur's move to the Kansas prairies in an attempt to protect abolitionists needs to be mentioned.
 * Added the father's abolitionism. CAA's trip to Kansas was already mentioned.  --Coemgenus (talk) 14:23, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Arthur's lifestyle and fashion needs to be mentioned; particularly his remodeling of the White House to fit his egalitarian tastes.
 * I added some stuff about the Tiffany screen. I don't want too too much about his style -- his clothes, his hats, etc. -- because that level of detail goes a bit beyond an encyclopedia article, but the tiffany bit is certainly worth mentioning. --Coemgenus (talk) 14:40, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * These are my present concerns, so far. Cmguy777 (talk) 21:48, 22 July 2011 (UTC)


 * The changes look good.Cmguy777 (talk) 15:51, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Other concerns:
 * As far as Arthur practicing law in Kansas, was he in fact an abolitionst or how did he represent abolitionists?Cmguy777 (talk) 15:51, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Historians don't really know what Arthur did in Kansas, probably a result of him having all his papers burned before his death. Reeves says CAA and Gardiner went west to "purchase land and perhaps settle permanently." (p. 16)  He doesn't mention what they did there, only that they returned to NY after "about three or four months". (p. 18)  Howe gives one sentence on the Kansas trip (p. 15) and describes only a failed law practice, not abolitionism.  Karabell says CAA was anti-slavery (p. 13) but mentions no client or activity in Kansas.  --Coemgenus (talk) 16:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)


 * An issued concering the Star Routes is that President Garfield started the investigations and President Arthur continued the prosecutions. I believe that needs to be mentioned in the article. Cmguy777 (talk) 15:51, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I clarified it a bit. --Coemgenus (talk) 16:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)


 * In terms of foriegn policy I believe the War of the Pacific needs to be addressed. Was Sec. Blaine attempting to get America involved in the War? Why the peace commissions failed would be another issue that could be addressed. Cmguy777 (talk) 15:51, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I expanded a bit. Blaine wasn't (I don't think) trying to get into the war, but CAA and Frelinghuysen feared that would be the result. --Coemgenus (talk) 16:37, 23 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Would there be any objection to putting Arthur was a man of high fashion?
 * I added a bit about his style to the section that talks about his large income as Collector. --Coemgenus (talk) 16:44, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Concerns etc. I will try to wrap up my concerns with the article. Cmguy777 (talk) 17:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Concerning Mormons Aurthur appointed a five man commission under the Edmunds Act. The Mormon polygamists were driven underground.  If there was anything that got Arthur flustered I believe that would be polygamy in Utah.  Maybe a sentence on how the Mormon's were driven from office by Arthur. Cmguy777 (talk) 17:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * It already says that CAA signed the Edmunds Act "barring polygamists from public office". --Coemgenus (talk) 17:57, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Should the Indian Policy be a seperate section in terms of the Dawes Act and Sitting Bull? Cmguy777 (talk) 17:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I don't think there's enough there to fill a separate section. I already mention the Dawes Act, and CAA had little to do with Sitting Bull, who surrendered in July 1881.  CAA's biographers don't mention him. --Coemgenus (talk) 17:57, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * One title segment states "Garfield's cabinet". I believe that sounds as if Pres. Garfield is still alive. Maybe something like "Arthur's initial cabinet". Cmguy777 (talk) 17:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * That's awkward. How about "Cabinet"  --Coemgenus (talk) 17:57, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Does Arthur need a legacy section at the end of the CAA article? Cmguy777 (talk) 17:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I hate legacy sections, and would rather avoid it. Rutherford B. Hayes passed FA without one.  --Coemgenus (talk) 18:02, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Maybe there can be information on who acted as first Lady or possibly a photo of her if there is one. Cmguy777 (talk) 17:33, 23 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I added a sentence and a link about his sister, but there's no room for a pic without conflicting with the MOS. --Coemgenus (talk) 18:00, 23 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks for your modifications, input, and edits Coemgenus over my concerns in the article. On the Mormon issue the Edmunds Act law is mentioned, however, I was refering to the result, Mormon's going underground to avoid being prosecuted.  That is fine concerning the Legacy section.  Just "Cabinet" sounds good in the Presidency section and would avoid any confusion.  This article is on its way to GA and I hope can get to FA status. Cmguy777 (talk) 19:47, 23 July 2011 (UTC)


 * I was thinking that there is no connection in the article between Arthur's spoilsman conversion to his reform Presidency. That link, I believe is Pres. Garfield's assassination.  Arthur was severly disturbed by Garfield being shot.  Arthur was also disturbed that Guiteau connected his name with Garfield's assassination. "I am a Stalwart of Stalwarts, Arthur is President now."  Maybe this can be mentioned in the article. Cmguy777 (talk) 02:04, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Comments by Wehwalt

 * Seems to be the month for Republican Presidents at peer review! Very worthy article.
 * Lede
 * The year of Arthur's appointment as Collector by Grant and removal by Hayes would probably be a good idea. I would also say "new" rather than "succeeding" president.
 * Some brief mention of how Arthur balanced the ticket would be a good idea in the lede.
 * Wasn't it as important as the enforcement of the Pendleton Act was that Arthur fought for it? I would include the word "advocacy" or similar before enforcement.
 * The White House. Do you really want to use this phrase given that it was not officially called the White House until the Teddy Roosevelt administration?
 * "federal funds excessively " excess federal funds
 * He failed to alleviate a surplus? Some might view surpluses as a good thing, especially right now, so a few words about what his opponents expected of him would be a good thing.
 * A few words about why he was not involved in the 1884 Presidential race?
 * I've made these fixes.--Coemgenus (talk) 21:39, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Early life
 * "fought for the Continental Army" in, not for. Fought for the Union, fought in the Union Army.
 * As Lower Canada only made up a part of what is today Quebec, I would say "in" present day Quebec.
 * To avoid possible reader confusion, I would name their first child. It took me two minutes of puzzled cogitation to ensure it wasn't Chester.
 * You might want to explain why Arthur would have been ineligible (actually, might), with the Natural Born Citizen clause and the 12th Amendment. I guess this paragraph is OK here, though it is a bit awkward.
 * How did Arthur pursue an education in the law prior to his enrollment in law school? On his own?  Very Lincolnesque.  You might want to insert this as a pipe, read law?
 * I've made these fixes. I may move that section about his eligibility.  I wasn't sure that was the spot, either. --Coemgenus (talk) 21:39, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Early career
 * I would mention that Jay was the grandson of the chief justice, just to avoid confusion.
 * Can you mention anything, specifically, of what Arthur did in Lemmon? Seems a contradition to Dred Scott to me!
 * "after being she was denied a seat". Ahem.  You might also want to mention what race she was.
 * I take it he returned to the same law firm after finding bleeding Kansas too hot?
 * Why was Arthur appointed to the governor's military staff? I see no indication of military interest on his part prior to then.  Was it a patronage thing?
 * " faced with raising" "faced with the task of raising"
 * Why is quartermaster general capitalized and inspector general not?
 * When was he elected colonel?
 * Was the visit to Fredericksburg during the Peninsula campaign?
 * " figuring highly" Rephrase. Also throw in a pipe to Second inauguration of Abraham Lincoln.
 * Fixed these. The sources don't say what CAA did in Lemmon, only that he was involved in some way.  He was the junior man in the office, and there were several firms involved, so probably not much.  There's no date on his colonelcy in the source, only "early in the war", which I put.  Probably 1861, but I can't prove that.  As to capitalization, I don't pretend to understand WP:job titles, but I tried to standardize them, at least.  --Coemgenus (talk) 21:57, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * New York politician
 * Any word on where Arthur stood on Reconstruction?
 * You might want to mention that Seward continued in office under President Johnson as a means of noting the change at the top. Some mention of Lincoln's assassination wouldn't hurt either.
 * You mention Conkling without any description, and then suddenly we have "Conkling's machine." It seems to me a little information is missing.
 * Delink Seymour, you just mentioned him 3 paragraphs previously.
 * You should specify if you mean Seymour carried NY City or NY State. Or both.  It's confusing.
 * "Arthur's salary was $6,500". This sentence needs to be split somewhere.
 * "That same year," Strike "same" (perhaps "In that year"?) In any event, somewhere in that sentence should be a pipe to United States presidential election, 1872.
 * Was the Collector appointed for a term of years, or was it at the pleasure of the President (subject of course to the Tenure of Office Act)?
 * If this is the same John Jay as before, some mention of the connection should surely be made.
 * You are inconsistent "Custom House" "Custom house". I'd do a search to ensure consistency.
 * You should mention the Tenure of Office Act if it is why Hayes had to do these convoluted firings. I recall that it is.
 * " the Republican ticket" It's insufficiently clear that you refer to the Governorship and other statewide offices.
 * Fixed these. As to Reconstruction, CAA's biographers have little idea of his political views after he joined Conkling's machine, partly as a result of CAA having burned his papers, partly because the machine men had few principles except re-election.  --Coemgenus (talk) 22:21, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Election of 1880
 * You might want to mention that Arthur's electioneering conduct was not unusual as candidates did not do a lot of what we would recognize as campaigning today.
 * Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 22:24, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Vice Presidency
 * "to be Secretary of State." better, "as Secretary of State".
 * "Indiana" Some context would be helpful here.  Was this a pivotal state in the way Florida was in 2000 and Illinois in 1960 and 1968?
 * "fairly estranged " Perhaps just "estranged".
 * "no remaining duties" I would strike the word "remaining".
 * Were the Senators reelected?
 * Guiteau: You only say in a rather convoluted way that Guiteau was a disappointed office seeker who thought in his crazed way that if he got rid of Garfield, Arthur would appoint him to office.  I'd make it clear here and now and later clean up the reference to Guiteau as a "spoilsman".  Say then that the assassination gave a burst of life to the legislation.  There's no question about it, so why make it murky?  It's one thing for (was it Grant?) to joke that when he appointed anyone to office he created fifteen enemies and one ingrate, but when you start losing Presidents to that madness, it's time to do something (not that the Pendleton Act helped THAT much in that department, but at least they stopped killing Presidents over it).
 * Fixed these. I had treid to avoid the phrase "disappointed office-seeker," but I guess there's no help for it.  :)  --Coemgenus (talk) 22:33, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Presidency
 * Moving into the White House. Again, a mention it was then officially known as the Executive Mansion would not be astray.  Also did he need to allow time for Mrs. Garfield to move out?  Also, Arthur had two adolescent children while in the White House.  Is there anything to be said about the family life?  Who cared for them?  Was there public interest in them?
 * "when they did so" I think Congress is more usually an "it" per standard US practice.
 * " for the rest of Arthur's term." I would say "entirety".  Also, at the start of the sentence, I would substitute for the opening phrase, "Of the Cabinet members Arthur had inherited from Garfield".  That way, the picky reader need not wonder if there were any Garfield appointees which were not original, you get the idea.
 * Made these fixes. Not sure about Mrs. Garfield, but I'll give the sources another look.  --Coemgenus (talk) 10:23, 26 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Civil Service Reform
 * I would start out with the facts of the Star Route investigation, and THEN say that there was concern that Arthur would not continue it.
 * I'm betting that Brady was "Second Assistant Postmaster General" (caps when used as a title, please).
 * "Garfield's Attorney General, MacVeagh," As you just mentioned him, I would shorten to "MacVeagh".
 * "knew of the fraud". This is only significant if his knowledge was illicit, in which case you need to make that clearer.


 * Note: During the election of 1880, Stephen W. Dorsey, later indicted in the scandal, had donated money with Arthur's knowledge to the campaign. The question is whether Arthur knew this money came illicitly from the Star Route profiteering. Coemgenus has pointed out that Arthur burned his papers before he died.  Why did Arthur burn his private papers?  Maybe there were things that Arthur did not want posterity to know.  In other words, I do not think that it can be proved Arthur had illicit knowledge in the Star Route frauds without a paper trail. Cmguy777 (talk) 01:35, 25 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Then I would say something along the lines that his possible involvement can't be ascertained because of the burning, if you can find a source for same!--Wehwalt (talk) 18:43, 25 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Reeves may say something on the paper burning. I suppose the reader can make up their own minds why Arthur burned his personal papers.  My guess is that he was attempting to keep any politically damaging information from being publisized. Cmguy777 (talk) 20:10, 25 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "set aside the verdicts" I assume you mean the guilty verdicts, so say so.  Hung juries are not verdicts, necessarily, as it was that which they failed to reach.  I guess there's an obvious question:  Why would defendants bribe jurors to reach a guilty verdict?
 * Did Arthur really succeed in putting a stop to the frauds? Or was it Garfield?  Or even Hayes?  If Arthur inherited the scandal, the bad guys must already have been running for cover.


 * Note:I would say yes, both Garfield and Arthur stopped the scandal. The persons involved in the scandal were removed or resigned from office by both Garfield and Arthur prior to the trials. Both Garfield and Arthur were pro active in their pursuit to stop the profiteering, meaning the investigators and/or prosecutors had full support from both Garfield and Arthur. Garfield started the investigations and the Arthur Administration continued the investigations, got indictments, and two highly publisized trials.  Hayes had stopped further awarding of the Star Route contracts in an effort of reform.  The bad guys were doing everthing they could to escape a guilty verdict. Congress can be given credit for stopping the Star Route frauds, since there was a Congressional investigation in April, 1880. Even though Arthur and Dorsey were friends, Arthur showed no favortism or protectionism. Cmguy777 (talk) 01:35, 25 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Fair enough.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:43, 25 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Arthur made reforms in the postal service to ensure that the Postal profiteering would not return. Cmguy777 (talk) 20:10, 25 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Delete the word spoilsman wherever you've used it. It doesn't convey anything to a 21st century audience.  "office seeker" or "successful office seeker" says enough.
 * I think you should devote about a paragraph somewhere around here describing the pre-1883 civil service and how politics could affect it.
 * " first annual Presidential address to Congress in 1881," His State of the Union address, right? I know they didn't do it in person then, but you need a pipe.
 * You are not consistent in "President" versus "president". Cycle through and check.
 * Your use of phrases like "unrepentant spoilsman" makes me fear you may be sticking too close to language in your sources.
 * Just hold on a minute. If Arthur signed the Pendleton Act in January 1883, then it wasn't the Congress elected in 1882 that did it, but the one elected in 1880.  So it's the old Congress.  You need to clear that one up.  They did it during their lame duck session.
 * "Act" should be lower case per MOS.
 * "reformers doubted Arthur's commitment to reform." Rephrase to avoid double use of "reform". Perhaps "proponents"?
 * "customs service" Caps here, and a pipe to the name of the present federal agency if you haven't already done that in the article.
 * " 20 and 25%." I'm not sure that is the proper way of expressing this per MOS, please check.
 * "Congress quickly passed the bill again, overriding Arthur's veto." I have technical problems with this it would be tedious to explain.  I suggest changing it to "Despite Arthur's objections, Congress overrode his veto, enacting the bill into law."
 * I think I've cleared up the star route thing. As to capitalization, again, WP:job titles confuses me because it's at odds with every style guide I've ever used.  "Unrepentant spoilsman" is, sadly, my own words, which is why Ealdgyth accused me (accurately) of using Victorian language when Ruddy Hayes was up for FA the first time.  I'll try to dumb it down for 21st-century readers.  Good catch on the lame duck thing: I just flubbed that.  The percentages section of the MOS is permissive, but I rephrased to avoid ambiguity.  And I get your objection to the veto language: finding the right phrasing is tough, but I think your suggestion works.  --Coemgenus (talk) 22:46, 26 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Foreign affairs
 * "While Garfield was president", suggest "During the Garfield administration" with a pipe to Presidency of James Garfield. I think you should hang Presidency of Chester Arthur in a  template in this article, by the way.
 * "an existing reciprocity treaty with the Kingdom of Hawaii was allowed to expire" To allow for the coincidence of "existing" and "expire" suggest changing the latter to "lapse".
 * There are articles Chinese Exclusion and Chinese Exclusion Act which might be useful links.
 * "Congress passed a Chinese Exclusion Act " Technically, it did not pass, as it was vetoed and not overridden.  Rephrase, say "both houses of Congress"
 * Fixed these, except for the last. I think the way Article I, §7 is written, when both houses pass a bill it is passed, although it may not become law.  Clause 3 uses "repassed" when describing overriding a veto, which suggests that a vetoed bill passed once already.  --Coemgenus (talk) 12:25, 27 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Naval
 * " not far-flung shores" An unexpectedly flowery phrase which makes me wonder if it could have made its way from a somewhat elderly source.
 * "desuetude" too expensive a word. Suggest "poor state of"
 * "his replacement". "his successor" is better, I think.
 * Have you checked with someone in Milhist to ensure the way you list the ships is proper (i.e., without U.S.S.)?
 * "once employed Chandler". As Chandler has not made much of an impression on the article as yet, suggest "once employed Secretary Chandler".
 * "the four new ships". Well, the problem is, you've mentioned eight ships, and to be more confusing, they fall in two sets of four.  Please clarify.
 * It would be nice to finish up this section with a mention that these vessels played a significant role in the Spanish American War, if they did.
 * I made these changes. "Desuetude" is a bit rich -- you may recognize it from your first-year property course.  I'll check about the "U.S.S."  --Coemgenus (talk) 16:18, 27 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm a ship editor. Without the USS is fine, but we typically drop the "the" from before ship names. It might be interesting to note that the four monitors were not Civil War-era; those had been in such poor condition that they were secretly scrapped and built new. See Amphitrite class monitor for more information and possible references. Ed [talk] [majestic titan] 16:59, 27 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I thought it might be too confusing to explain that, but it is an interesting story. I'll see if I can work it in.  thanks for your edits and the new pic, btw.  --Coemgenus (talk) 17:01, 27 July 2011 (UTC)
 * You're welcome. Even if you don't include the story, you might want to change this article so it is accurate. ;-) Ed [talk] [majestic titan] 17:03, 27 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I linked Amphitrite class monitor and changed "since the Civil War" to "since 1877". --Coemgenus (talk) 17:05, 27 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Civil rights
 * " John Mercer Langston, the ambassador to Haiti, endorsed the Readjuster movement "heart and soul"." I fail to see the relevance of this sentence to Arthur.
 * " the movement had begun to collapse even in that state" suggest "the Readjuster movement began to collapse". No need to respecify Virginia, it is understood.
 * "in Utah". Better, "in Utah Territory."
 * "which they did" "which it did".  Again, Congress is not a plural noun.
 * "sold at low prices" Perhaps, "resold at low prices" if the source justifies it.
 * "National Park system. You pipe to National Park Service.  I suggest piping to "History of the National Park Service".  The NPS was not established until 1916, parks were generally run by the Army (I can just imagine!).
 * Somewhere in the last sentence of the Health section, pipe to United States presidential election, 1884.
 * Final sentence of judicial appointments needs a cite.
 * I've made these fixes. --Coemgenus (talk) 16:32, 27 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Retirement and death
 * I'm a bit confused on the timing of him being asked to run for Senate. As I see that the Senate election took place in January 1885, it should be mentioned that this approach took place before Arthur left office (Arthur died before the 1887 Senate election).
 * "as of counsel". Not certain, but I think I would strike the "as".
 * Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 16:32, 27 July 2011 (UTC)


 * A good effort. Easily of GA quality, but I would recommend a copyedit and check for MOS compliance before attempting FAC.  If you want me to stop back, leave a note on my talk, I am not watchlisting.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:13, 24 July 2011 (UTC)

Dank

 * As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries.
 * "... Arthur (and Gardiner) returned to New York City and his fiancée.": Sounds like some wild times in the Arthur household.
 * Other than that, I'm not finding much to fix, just the occasional odd word and some punctuation. Good job.  I stopped at New York politician. - Dank (push to talk) 03:05, 3 August 2011 (UTC)