Wikipedia:Peer review/Chetham's School of Music/archive1

Chetham's School of Music
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I wish to bring it up to featured article status. It got a favourable GA review, and I've now got some time to spend to improve it.

Thanks, AD 17:44, 3 June 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article, which I enjoyed reading. Here are a few suggestions that might help to improve the article to the next level.

Infobox
 * Wikipedia almost never uses "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.", or "Miss". In the infobox, for example, "Mrs. Claire Hickman" should just be "Claire Hickman".

Lead
 * "Chetham's educates students between the ages of 8 and 18, with entry is based on an audition... " - Delete "is"?


 * "Despite entry being solely through musical audition, the school regularly obtains good exam results." - The "despite being" combination is a bit awkward. Would this combination be better: "Chetham's educates students between the ages of 8 and 18. Although admission depends solely on an audition to demonstrate musical potential and talent, the students typically do well in other subjects." Or something like that.

History
 * To avoid repeating "history" in the first subhead under "History", you might consider something like "Beginnings".


 * The last subhead under the "History" section might become something like "Since 1952", to avoid repetition and to avoid the ambiguity of "present".


 * "a fortified manor house owned by the Grelleys" - Who were the Grelleys? Could something be added to briefly describe them?


 * "In the early 14th century... " - Combinations like 14th century should include a no-break code to keep them from being separated by line break on various computer screens. WP:NBSP has details.

Humphrey Chetham


 * "between the ages of six and ten from "honest" families, who should be taught and cared for until they were 14.[16][17][16]" - Something's amiss with the citations here. I think one of the 16s should be something else.

Images
 * There is, alas, a problem with the license of the lead image, File:Baronial Hall Chetham's.jpg. If you click through to the Flickr source, you will see that the license includes a "no-commercial-use" provision. (Click the "some rights reserved" link on the Flickr page to see what "some rights" refers to.) That means that it should not have been uploaded to the Commons and that it will not pass scrutiny at FAC. You might be able to persuade the copyright holder to re-license it without the NC restriction.


 * There is also a problem with the license of File:Humphrey Chetham.jpg. Since the source link is dead and the license summary provides no author and no publication date, it is not possible to determine whether the license is valid. Since this appears to be a very old image, you might be able to track down the missing information, especially the source, and use it.


 * The licenses for the other images look fine to me.

Charity school
 * Should "illegitimate" be linked, perhaps, to Legitimacy (law)? I'm not sure every reader will know what the word means in this context. Also, did the rules ever change on this point? I'm guessing that they must have, but I don't know for sure.


 * "Public appeals meant the numbers rose to 97 in 1929." - I think this must mean "successful public appeals for funding"? If so, could the wording be modified to say that?

Admissions
 * "studying any instrument except electronical" - Should that be "electronic" rather than "electronical"?


 * "Grades and exam results are not required (with the exception of Grade 5 theory for sixth form)" - I'm not sure that this is the first use of "form" in the article, but it occurs to me that not all readers will know what "form" means. Would it be helpful to add a brief explanation or a link to an explanation?

Curriculum
 * As a specialist music school, all students study a curriculum which concentrates on music... " - Misplaced modifier. "Students" are not a "specialist music school". Maybe "As a specialist music school, Chetham's requires all students to study a curriculum that concentrates on music... "?

School life
 * "a house parent who liaises with parents at home" - Would "communicates" be better than "liases"? "Liase" is a back-formation (from liason) used mostly in the United Kingdom, but it may not be familiar elsewhere.

College house
 * "which was constructed on a plinth" - Link plinth?

Notable alumni
 * The Manual of Style recommends writing in straight prose rather than lists when feasible. It's not always easy to tell whether prose or a list would be better, but my feeling here is that this section could be turned into prose rather easily by combining groups. Something like "A partial list of alumni includes pianists A, B, C, D, and E; conductors F, G, and H; and something, something. Other notables are O, P, Q, and R." Or something like that.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 01:31, 11 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
 * Thanks for the review! AD 14:02, 11 June 2011 (UTC)