Wikipedia:Peer review/Columbia, Missouri/archive2

Columbia, Missouri
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it is very close to FA status. It is currently a Good Article, and has been reviewed for MOS. What it needs most now is a fresh eye to take a look at it for neutrality, conciseness, and any gaps in information.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Grey Wanderer | Talk 22:37, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: While there has clearly been a lot of work done on this article, I do not think it is that close to FA yet. I will try to make some very detailed comments, these are examples so look for similar issues throughout the article. Also some will be pretty nit-picky. Hope this helps, perhaps ask for a copyedit from the WP:LOCE Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 16:55, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
 * It is always useful to have a model article to follow for issues of structure, weight, etc. There are several FAs on cities, so pick one or more and see how they compare to this.
 * In the Infobox can "nickname" be made plural (as there are three)? I also note "CoMo" is not referenced anywhere.
 * All three nicknames are only in the infobox and lead - per WP:LEAD the lead should summarize the article and not contain anything not also in the body of the article.
 * Back to the Infobox, the locator maps are the county and state (l to r), but the caption is state, then county, which could be confusing for those unfamiliar with Missouri
 * Infobox for council has "List of council people" but it is not a link - better to leave it blank
 * On to the lead - be consistent. Is is the largest city in mid-Missouri.[7] (1st paragraph) but a region known as "Mid-Missouri". (3rd paragraph). Quotes or not? Capital Mid or not? Why repeat this tidbit twice in the lead (where space is at a premium) anyway?
 * Also per WP:LEAD I try to make sure at least every section or subsection is mentioned in the lead - so where are Transportation and Sports (as examples)?
 * When it says Over half the population of Columbia possesses a bachelor's degree[13] and over a quarter has graduate degrees,[14]... that means over 25% of the population has more than one graduate degree, which seems unlikely. I think "has a graduate degree" is what is meant (and is a better parallel construction too).
 * Per WP:IMAGES please do not set the pixel size of images (let reader preferences kick in) and avoid wedging text between two images.
 * I thnk this needs a copyedit - some short, choppy sentences impede flow. Look at the start of History - no dates at all for two sentences (provide context for the reader, WP:PCR), then lots on Daniel Boone, his family salt lick and trail, but the connection to Columbia could be made much clearer. Link or define streams with unusual names (Flat Branch).
 * Some sentences picked at semi-random: Events in the 20th Century caused Columbia's distinction as an educational center to rise even further. It became home to the headquarters of both the University of Missouri System which today serves about 70,000 students and the Columbia College system which today serves about 25,000 students. The insurance industry also became important to the local economy as several established headquarters in Columbia, including Shelter Insurance, Missouri Employers Mutual, and Columbia Insurance Group. First sentence is POV and unreferenced. Second sentence is quite long and needs some commas (or rewritten) and gives no dates (remember this is history). Third sentence missing a word "as several [ ] established.." - the subject is the insurance industry, which there is one of in the US, so this needs to be "several companies established". Also no dates here. How about something like In the 20th century, Columbia became the headquarters of both the the University of Missouri (UM) and Columbia College systems. The UM System was created in 1963 and has 70,000 students as of 2008, while Columbia College expanded in 1973 to serve military bases and today has nearly 25,000 students...''?
 * Rabbits are not rodents Eastern Gray Squirrel,[50] Cottontail rabbit, and other rodents are abundant,...
 * OK, more general comments now - have both metric and English units (km as well as miles, for example). convert is useful here.
 * Demography - I usually see this called Demographics