Wikipedia:Peer review/Corps Altsachsen Dresden/archive1

Corps Altsachsen Dresden
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because this article was written by people using English as a second language. We are a few Germans, a Half-Canadian, a Half-Englishman and me (German in the US). My friends and me first wrote/designed it in a team effort in word and a sandbox, then I copied it to the article space. If you have good input regarding the language, please feel free to edit the page.

As fraternities in Europe are quite different from US Greek societies, we believe that this article strengthens the overall understanding of fraternal societies and how they developed of the centuries to what they are today.

Thanks, WikimanGer Talk • Mail   17:03, 20 January 2014 (UTC)  Revievers:  This is in response to the request at Wikipedia_talk:WikiProject_Fraternities_and_Sororities for a review by native English speakers
 * Review by User:GrapedApe
 * --GrapedApe (talk) 18:46, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
 * ✅--GrapedApe (talk) 23:25, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your feedback! I added two more thoughts below as specific reply. -- WikimanGer Talk • Mail   00:06, 21 January 2014 (UTC)
 * Note: Thanks to everyone who can provide additional thoughts in a  secondary review of the article in its updated form.
 * Under Fundamentals and Principles, what does "world view" mean within this context? Religion?
 * Tolerance with regard to religious background or affiliation, yes. Furthermore, tolerance for the various ethnic and national backgrounds as well as political interests of their members. There are several kinds of fraternities in Germany that limit by either (1) religion, or (2) national/ethnic background or (3) political affiliation. Some of these more intolerant fraternities are linked to a former Nazi background, the so called "Burschenschaften". They claim tradition, that essentially goes back to an attitude just before or during the Third Reich. The German Student Corps are different in that sense that they do not judge or select based on national, ethnic, religious or political background; and they go back to the late 1700s. The Corps Altsachsen Dresden as a typical German Student Corps has members from several continents and expects a tolerant / open / unprejudiced understanding of their members. This is meant by a "tolerant world view". Does that help? -- WikimanGer Talk • Mail   19:00, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
 * Interesting. It might be worth expanding on that, if sources exist.--GrapedApe (talk) 23:25, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
 * Thank you, I did follow your suggestion by expanding and rewording things a bit. It's now the first (because most important) paragraph of the principles. -- WikimanGer Talk • Mail   00:06, 21 January 2014 (UTC)


 * I fixed the licenses at File:Band des Corps Altsachsen Dresden.png, File:Fuchsband des Corps Altsachsen Dresden.png and File:Zirkel of Corps Altsachsen Dresden.png.
 * OK, I finished reading. Overall, very well-written.  Honestly, it's better written than most Wikipedia articles, including those by native English speakers.  You even used e.g. correctly, which is something that most English speakers mess up.  There were some issues with the tone (some places are overly familiar with the subject, whereas encyclopedia articles ought to be more objective), but it's not too big of a problem unless you're going for GA.  There are some places where additional supporting citations would be appropriate, but it's still very good for now. Good luck with this article, and thanks for bringing this uniquely German article into the English Wikipedia!--GrapedApe (talk) 23:25, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your feedback. What are the specific points that should be referenced better for GA qualification? -- WikimanGer Talk • Mail   00:06, 21 January 2014 (UTC)