Wikipedia:Peer review/Crush 40/archive2

Crush 40
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've been working on this article for as long as I've been an active contributor to Wikipedia. The article has just passed through a somewhat easy GA (there were a few snags that had to be addressed in the hold period), and now I'm bringing it here to see what more I can do with it. I don't know if I'll ever have the sources to make this a featured article (there's already quite a few self-published sources, though WP:SELFPUB says I can use them), but if I either can or cannot, I want to improve this article as much as I can. Thanks. Red Phoenix flame of life...protector of all... 02:24, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review

Certainly no expert here, but some comments to help...
 * Comments from
 * Be aware of the use of discretionary plurals - "Crush 40 is a..." vs "...the band changed their name.."
 * Why a single citation in the lead? A lot of things in the lead need citation if you only cite one.  My advice - cite nothing there and ensure you cover it again in the main text.  Cite it there.  Job done.
 * "got a job with" reads clumsily.
 * "as a music composer for video games. As a video game composer" - repetition warning!
 * " very first song" - very is redundant.
 * "Even after making that track" - why is it a seemingly unusual for them to stay in contact (i.e. "Even...")?
 * " Johnny's " - encyclopaedia would refer to him by surname.
 * "When Sonic Adventure 2 was being made to commemorate Sonic's 10th anniversary," - cite.
 * Sonic Ad 2 should either be in italics always or never, choose.
 * "Crush 40 has not released any additional albums since 2003" - additional is redundant.
 * Sonic is mentioned again, sounds a little repetitive.
 * ✅ "[Sonic Heroes (soundtrack)| Triple Threat: Sonic Heroes Vocal Trax]] " - needs sorting out.
 * Drummer credits - this is borderline trivia. What's the significance?
 * How can I make this more clear? It's basically a lineup change, but I can't find any reliable sources that flat-out calls it a lineup change.  Katsuji has not drummed since Sonic Heroes and Toru Kawamura has continued to be the drummer since.  Although I haven't cited it, Toru Kawamura is also cited as the drummer in the album booklet of True Blue: The Best of Sonic the Hedgehog for Crush 40's latest song, a cover of "Seven Rings in Hand". Not even the self-published source I have says that (then again, it only goes up to about 2004).  That's the point, but obviously it's not clear enough. Red Phoenix  flame of life...protector of all... 18:31, 28 April 2008 (UTC)


 * "Kawamura was credited for the drumming for this soundtrack, as well.[11]" - Kawamura was also.... and drop the ", as well".
 * Do ProgressiveWorld.net carry any weight? Are they even a reliable source?
 * I believe so, but I may have to ask at WP:RS/N. I've taken a closer look at their home page and it's a site that handles progressive rock music kind of like how IGN handles video games.   Red Phoenix  flame of life...protector of all... 18:31, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

That should start you off... The Rambling Man (talk) 19:24, 24 April 2008 (UTC)