Wikipedia:Peer review/Cumberland (rugby league team)/archive1

Cumberland (rugby league team)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it is a little known subject and very few sources. I managed to get up to GA status, but want to achieve higher. Needs some help with prose and comprehensiveness ... Not contributing, I (and others) can do that, but where it can be improved.

Thanks,   The Windler      talk   07:10, 10 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments from I gather the team was short lived, but the article relies on a lot of jargon that non-rugby players simply won't understand. It feels incomplete, and now the feeling is it is just mainly a list of the games they played.
 * First, it's pretty short for FAC. It also depends on three sources, which gives it a rather skimpy feel. The use of the big table in the middle makes it feel like you are trying to bulk up the article.
 * What makes http://www.rl1908.com/index.htm a reliable source? He doesn't list any sources that he uses.
 * Likewise http://stats.rleague.com/?

Ruhrfisch comments: I agree with Ealdgyth's comments - here are a few more suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps, interesting start but it has some work to get to GA and more to FA, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:31, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Is the title correct - is it really officially "rugby league" (no caps)?
 * Provide context for the reader - not everyone will know where Sydney is, let alone the Cumberland Plain (i.e. say it is in Australia) - see WP:PCR
 * Expand the lead to summarize the whole article per WP:LEAD
 * Also be careful to avoid jargon - not everyone knows or even understands rugby and how its forms differ - see WP:JARGON
 * Try telling the history chronologically - start before the team forms so you don't have to go back and explain why some players were annoyed and formed their own team.
 * Team honours section could come before the 1908 season section as a nice overview / introduction.
 * Article could use a copyedit to clean up some issues
 * If the team roster is partially unknown, how can you be sure about the record holders?
 * Would some time looking through old newspapers in a library help fill out the team roster and perhaps other details?

Suggestions from Semi-Automated Bot put here by SpecialWindler for better access.
 * I remoived these for two reasons - first it breaks the PR page transclusion so no one can see your PR request listed. Second, it does not follow the directions to save space on the PR page, as per the hidden comment at the top of this page: do not paste in semi-automated peer reviews below: link to them instead. Thanks, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 01:12, 15 April 2008 (UTC)