Wikipedia:Peer review/Death of Khaled Mohamed Saeed/archive1

Death of Khaled Mohamed Saeed
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I am hoping to get this up to the status of a Good Article and I wanted to run it through peer review to see what I need to work on. Thanks,

Thanks, The Egyptian Liberal (talk) 23:26, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is interesting, timely, and sad. Here are suggestions for improvement:


 * I urge you not to include File:Khalid-Saeed.jpg in the article even though it has been published on-line elsewhere. I find it disrespectful to Saeed, and I don't think it belongs in an encyclopedia. The image constitutes an invasion of privacy that has implications for living relatives and friends. Please see WP:BDP. Also see Image use policy, which lists "any medical facility" as a "private place". A morgue is a medical facility and, hence, private. Please delete the image.
 * I second that!!! I was shocked by the image... Didn't expect to see it there! Please only provide a link for people who are interested in the external links section!--Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 23:02, 25 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Whatever happened to WP:NOTCENSORED? The image has been discussed on the article's talk page. – ukexpat (talk) 23:32, 25 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Place of death and a brief description could be added to the "persondata" (generally visible only in edit mode) at the bottom of the article.


 * To broaden the coverage, it might be useful to cite other similar instances or to briefly describe the emergency law, and police tactics in Egypt. Perhaps there are statistics that might be useful.


 * If you can find more data about Saeed, it would be interesting to know where (what town or city) he was born, whether he had siblings, what he did for a living, and other pertinent biographical details.

Lead
 * " A prominent Facebook group, We are all Khaled Said... " - The second link goes to a redirect to a section of this same article. I would suggest removing this circular link. Also, the group is mentioned but not name in the "Aftermath" section. I would name it there.

Death
 * The blockquote should be in ordinary type, not italics. I'd recommend the blockquote format rather than the improvised format in the existing article. MOS:QUOTE explains how the blockquotes work.


 * The blockquote and all other quotations in the article need inline citations placed directly after the punctuation at the end of the quotes.

Aftermath
 * To make room for the image, I'd consider deleting the subhead, "Protests" and merging all of the material under the main head, "Aftermath".


 * When multiple citations appear as a group, they should be arranged in ascending order; i.e., [9][15] instead of [15][9].


 * the Egyptian government consented to a trial for the two detectives" - Has a trial date been set? Has the trial begun? Can you add any more details?

References
 * The date formatting should be consistent throughout the citations. Citations 1 and 2, for example, use two different kinds of formatting. You can use either format but not both.


 * Authors should all appear last name first.


 * Newspaper names like The National in citation 1 should appear in italics.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 22:05, 18 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Citations to web sources should include author, title, publisher, date of publication, URL, and date of most recent access, if all of those can be found. Citation 4, for example, lacks the author's name, Ashraf Khalil.