Wikipedia:Peer review/Dorothy Olsen/archive1

Dorothy Olsen


I think this is ready for WP:FAC, but would appreciate some additional eyes looking it over before I nominate it. Thanks, RoySmith (talk) 16:18, 22 January 2024 (UTC)

UC
Relatively little to add to the points I have made already on Talk -- article seems in pretty good shape to me. UndercoverClassicist T·C 18:25, 25 January 2024 (UTC)


 * Suggest clarifying in the lead that Washington is the state, not the city.
 * Could add a few links in the lead, as your taste takes you: Long Beach, California, for instance.
 * : are those her words? I'd be explicit about that if so: it's an evocative choice of words.
 * It's a quote from the source, which doesn't attribute it to anybody in particular.
 * Honestly, I'm not a fan of just dropping in quotations without context: moreover, if the word "feasting" isn't Olsen's, it becomes a bit murky as to whether it means anything or is just a writer trying to jazz up their prose. Would suggest a paraphrase to something like "Olsen embarked on a weight-gaining regimen, based on bananas and malted milk, to make the 100-pound (45 kg) required minimum." UndercoverClassicist T·C 06:43, 26 January 2024 (UTC)
 * : per WP:ENDURE, consider renamed in 19XX to... or similar.
 * : we haven't actually said that she lived near Portland.
 * Unclear what makes sense to do here. I say she was born in Woodburn, and link to that article which says it's near Portland.  I think we're in WP:BLUE territory here.
 * I think it's the opposite: WP:BLUE covers knowledge that everyone knows; we're much closer to WP:POPE territory here. Suggest changing the first sentence to "in Woodburn, near Portland, Oregon". UndercoverClassicist T·C 06:43, 26 January 2024 (UTC)
 * Done. My prediction is a subsequent reviewer will want a WP:RS for Woodburn being near Portland :-)
 * : the tone here (particularly comes across a little informal to me.
 * : not sure about the MOS:IDIOM here: as we're talking about flying, it's not totally clear whether we mean figuratively or literally catching up with her peers.
 * I'm not seeing the confusion. "catch up" is the term used in the source, but it seems pretty straight-forward to me.
 * : an opportunity. I would usually prefer female pilots to women pilots ("women" as an adjective is slightly dated, at least in BrE, and can read as slightly pejorative), but this one's a matter of taste.
 * The source uses "woman". Maybe it is a British/US thing, but I never thought of "woman" as being either dated or pejorative, and don't see any indication of that in any of the dictionaries I looked at just now.
 * Take it or leave it, but the Guardian (admittedly, once famous for its typos) advises woman, womenare nouns, not adjectives, so say female president, female MPs etc rather than “woman president”, “women MPs”. An easy way to check is to try using man instead of woman eg “man president”, “men MPs” – if it doesn’t work for men, it doesn’t work for women. Again, it's common enough that I don't consider this a big issue. UndercoverClassicist T·C 06:43, 26 January 2024 (UTC)
 * I'll also note that the organization she worked for was the Woman Airforce Service Pilots, so that's precident for using "Woman" in that way in this article.
 * : per MOS:NUM, suggest writing 12 in figures.
 * : this is quite vague; is that deliberate?
 * The source says "military airlines", but I was trying to honor WP:CLOP.
 * I would be clear that we mean flying, rather than taking a train, a jeep etc. UndercoverClassicist T·C 06:43, 26 January 2024 (UTC)
 * Done. But I should observe that no self-respecting pilot would ever take a train to get from one airport to another :-) RoySmith (talk) 14:43, 26 January 2024 (UTC)
 * : there's a missing verb here.
 * : as written, it sounds as though the WASPs (who were after all pilots) sent her replies.
 * : home bases, unless they all had the same one, in which case I'd give the location here.
 * : as on Talk, I'd make explicit that she flew single-seat fighters, whereas the bombers in question had a crew.
 * : as on talk, it sounds here like "the same" means "scaring farmers on their tractors".
 * I can see how one might think that, but to my ear, it's not the most obvious way to read the sentence. This is a short direct quote from a larger passage which I chose to partly summarize and partly quote.  I could quote a larger section which would include both the farmers and the railroad stations, but it wouldn't change anything.  I'll leave this the way it is and see what other reviewers think.
 * : she never flew commercially during it, either.
 * Of course she did. She was an employee of the military being paid to fly airplanes.
 * I'm not sure I'd call that strictly commercial, but it's a fair point. I think professionally is a better word, though: after all, commercially means "in connection with profit-making business", which doesn't quite cover either being an employee (rather than a contractor) or working for the military (who employ the means of destruction rather than of production). UndercoverClassicist T·C 06:44, 26 January 2024 (UTC)
 * I'm going to pull rank on this one. I hold a commercial pilot's license.  The one and only privilege it gives me beyond my private pilot's license is the right to be paid.  So, yeah, flying for pay is in every sense flying commercially.
 * : has an endash, not a hyphen.
 * : as on Talk, I'd rephrase: how about simply She was one of the last 38 WASPs still alive after the sentence on her death?