Wikipedia:Peer review/Dragon kill points/archive1

Dragon kill points
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I intend to nominate it for FA at some point. The article was previously deleted and has a somewhat tumultuous history, so please read through past AfDs before commenting on the scope of the subject matter. There is one obvious error in the text, which I will correct in the future: the page numbers on the Malone citation don't come from the published piece but instead come from an earlier draft. I would also like some feeback on the non-free image in there. I am beginning to think that it isn't necessary but I would like some image to go along with the text.

Thanks, Protonk (talk) 00:02, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article about a topic I knew almost nothing about. WHile this seems fairly close to ready for FAC, here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 13:29, 11 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I think the lead image is OK. I was wondering if an image of a person playing could be added (which would just be someone sitting at a computer, I guess). Or since these objects aquired via DKP are as prized / valuable, is there fan art of a magical item tat could be added (under a free licence)? Here is my drawing of the enchanted armor I got from the Black Dragon's lair...
 * Biggest MOS problem I see is use of quotations. First off the article mixes single quotes 'like this' and double quotes "like this" when MOS:QUOTE is clear that double quotes should be almost all direct quotations (single quotes are for a quote within a quote). Second, there are a large number of single words in quotation marks, which seems odd to me. I would look at each one and decide if it really needs to be in quotes. As one example of many, why does the word "prices" need to be in quoptes in Setting "prices" in DKP for specific items can be difficult, as analysis of a particular item can be subjective and laborious.[14]?
 * Second MOS concern per WP:HEAD is that the headers are not supposed to repeat the article title if at all possible - I would change things like "Mechanics of a DKP system" to just "Mechanics" and I would also change things like "Zeo sum DKP" to just "Zero sum"
 * My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way but most of the types of DKP systems are not explicitly mentioned in the lead
 * There are also several places where I think more context could be provided for the reader. See WP:PCR These are:
 * I would make it clearer what a guild is, and perhaps also what a boss is - I know the term boss only from PRs of a lot of game articles and it took me a while to figure out what a guild is and how it works. I think these could be one or two sentences, probably in the Origin... section
 * I would also give an example of in game currency (presumably my warrior needs a new shield and buys one for x gold coins). My guess is that currency is known in-universe, but DKP are not (just bookkeeping for the players, but the characters do not say "Well I have X DKP so I am better than you".)
 * I used to know something about Dungeons and Dragons a long time ago - I would also mention Experience points and how they (presumably) differ from DKP - again this could be quite brief.
 * I mostly read for comprehansion and the language seemed decent, but I did notice a place or two where DKP (plural, points) is referred to in the singular (DKP is...)