Wikipedia:Peer review/Drowned God: Conspiracy of the Ages/archive1

Drowned God: Conspiracy of the Ages
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've built it up from four sentences to a good article in the last month, and I have considered trying to get it to featured status. I guess I'm wondering how close it is right now, since I think I've squeezed just about everything I can out of the Internet reference-wise.

Thanks, —Torchiest talkedits 16:51, 17 July 2012 (UTC)


 * I found and marked a dead link and a link that requires subscription (or login). Hyacinth (talk) 05:01, 21 July 2012 (UTC)
 * There are a few repeated links such as Kabbalah & Ark of the Covenant. Myst-clone redirects to Myst. Hyacinth (talk) 00:07, 22 July 2012 (UTC)
 * Did the game have any influence (WikiProject Video games/Article guidelines)? Hyacinth (talk) 00:18, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

Comments:


 * "the game, by traveling": No comma needed.


 * "and deciding a first person adventure game would be the best way to tell the story of the manuscript." --> "deciding a first-person adventure game would be the best way to tell the story of the manuscript."


 * "Drowned God received mixed to positive reviews, with its concept and visuals praised, while its gameplay, audio, and puzzles were both complimented and panned by different reviewers.": I suggest instead: "Drowned God received mixed to positive reviews. Critics praised its concept and visuals, while its gameplay, audio, and puzzles were given a mix of positive and negative reviews."


 * "The game's concept was initially created by Harry Horse" --> "The game was conceived by Harry Horse"


 * "The idea for the game was based on a phony manuscript Horse": Recommend rephrasing as "Horse got the idea for the game from a phony manuscript"


 * "decade, until he played Myst and 7th Guest, and decided": No commas needed here.


 * "conspiracy theory inspired" --> "conspiracy theory-inspired" (compound adjective)


 * "a chamber which contains the Bequest Globe": "that", not "which"


 * "The player initially must enter their name": "his" or "her", not "their", which is plural but often incorrectly used as a neutral pronoun.


 * "based on their name": "his" instead of "their"


 * "called Kether and Malchut respectively, and each of which" --> "called Kether and Malchut, respectively, each of which"


 * "about their next task": "about his next task"


 * "Both masks continually refer to the player by their assigned number.": "his", not "their". And is there a citation for this?


 * "and each of which is named after": Remove "and"


 * "finds and uses Tarot cards,[10] which are used to unlock new areas and gain more information about the true history of the world." --> "finds and uses Tarot cards,[10] to unlock new areas and gain more information about the true history of the world."


 * Period after "a nuclear warhead"


 * "and is able to choose one of three endings, depending on whether they decide to enter a final doorway in the chambers of one of the two opposing groups, or enter a new central room at the starting chamber." --> "The player can choose one of three endings, depending on whether he decides to enter a final doorway in the chambers of one of the two opposing groups, or enter a new central room at the starting chamber."


 * "with Kether's being a technological police state, and Malchut's being a society of genetic manipulation": See WP:PLUSINGand rephrase.


 * Any citations for the last two paragraphs of the "Story" section?


 * "mid to late 1990s" --> "mid- to late-1990s"


 * Any citation for the end of the "Gameplay" section?


 * "with his primary complaint being that the game tried to be too many things": WP:PLUSING; rephrase.


 * It's generally a good article. The "Reception" section is especially clean. I think if you can fix up some of the issues raised above, it'll be a decent improvement. If you want to go for FA, I would recommend making it more comprehensive by putting in a section about the game's influence on other games; where does it fit in the development of its genre, or on other types of games that followed? Was it influential or was it merely a footnote in the by-then-tired adventure-puzzle genre? I hope this helps.--Batard0 (talk) 18:14, 23 July 2012 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the substantial comments. I'll see if I can find anything to build a legacy/influence section. —Torchiest talkedits 18:37, 23 July 2012 (UTC)