Wikipedia:Peer review/Dylan and Cole Sprouse/archive2

Dylan and Cole Sprouse
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it was recently (October 6) relisted as a GA, and I'm looking to improve it even further, hopefully even to FA status. I'm looking for specific areas and things to improve. Any suggestions you may have for improvement would be great! :)
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Purplewowies (talk) 21:04, 1 December 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article. I do not think it is anywhere near ready for FAC, so here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 05:53, 3 December 2011 (UTC)
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are many biography articles which are FAs at Featured_articles - I note that there are two separate FA biographies on siblings: Jake Gyllenhaal and Maggie Gyllenhaal which may be useful models. It may that at some point in time this article may have to be split into two
 * Biggest problem I see with the article right now is a lack of references (I am a bit surprised this was not an issue at GAC, but it would be a quick fail at FAC in its current state). For example these need references:
 * As with many twins, the two have often played the same role, allowing more time for the character to be filmed. At eight months old, the two appeared on the ABC-TV series Grace Under Fire from 1993 to 1998, playing single character, Patrick Kelly.
 * ''During the early 2000s, the twins appeared in episodes of The Nightmare Room and That '70s Show, as well as in MADtv: Season Four (1998-1999) (episode #425) and the feature films The Master of Disguise and a voice-over role in Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights. In 2001, Cole began appearing in episodes of the television show Friends, as Ross Geller's son Ben; this role was not shared with Dylan.
 * ''...and the twins have become very well known among pre-teen and teen audiences. As part of their involvement with Disney, the brothers also became part of the 11-member group, the Disney Channel Circle of Stars, and sang the song "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" along with the members of the circle, for a video that was released as bonus material in the special edition version of the Disney film Cinderella. They also participated in the Disney Channel Games from 2006 to 2008.
 * Article has no refs for their roles in the Filmography or the Discography section
 * My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
 * References need to be consistent - for example Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * Or this ref "Popstar! Magazine. May 2007. Print." needs page, article title, author (if given).
 * All caps is rendered in Title Case per the MOS
 * Make sure all refs meet WP:RS - IMDb is often a problem, for example. I would also get as many third-party independent sources as possible. Or what makes Buddy TV a reliable source?
 * Looking on Amazon there are a few books on them which seem like they might be useful to get and cite here
 * I realize that they are young, but the article is pretty short and seems like it could be expanded. One of the FAC requirements is that the article be comprehensive (see WP:WIAFA). I think the brevity of the article is especially worrisome since this is about two actors (albeit twins who used to share a role)
 * Looking at model FAs which are biographies of actors, there are critical comments on the acting for most roles interspersed in the article. This is just a list of roles, with no real critical responses to their work that I saw. There have to be some reviews out there.
 * There are lots of little MOS things which would be a problem at FAC. For example, there is some WP:OVERLINKing - does the average reader really need a link on twins?
 * Alternate names in the lead should bold, not italicized
 * Although this is the English Wikipedia, I am not sure that all readers will know that "Bros" is an abbreviation for "Brothers" - it would help to spell this out (know collectively as the Sprouse brothers, usually abbreviated as Sprouse Bros).
 * Watch out for consistency on little things - so is it "Bros" (no period) or "Bros." (period)? Both are used
 * Also is the phrase Sprouse Bros in italics or in quotes or in regular font (all three are used)
 * Or is it pre-teen or preteen? Also note that links should be on the first use (preteen is linked on second use now)
 * Use "double quotes" for everything but a quotation inside another quotation (use 'single quotes' only for that)
 * Avoid vague time terms like "currently" in The brothers are currently represented by William Morris Endeavor.[23] Something like "as of 2011" works better
 * Similarly "between" is not used correctly in Between the years of 2002 and 2003, they both appeared in I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and Just for Kicks, ... - there is no other year between 2002 and 2003
 * Provide context to the reader - explain things that may be obvious to you, but are not well known - see WP:PCR Three examples - child labor laws in the US lead to the hiring of twins to play the role of an infant or young child, and what is Dannon Danimals (childrens yogurt), or who are the Olsens (I know, but it is not explained or linked)
 * Prose is OK - will need a copyedit before FAC, but fix everything else first. One example of bad prose In 2008, the brothers ended their association with the Olsens' Dualstar and continued their clothing line which is 'on hold'; the items in their clothing lines are sold exclusively online.[28][29][30] Too busy - probably needs to be split into two sentences (and since we never heard of the start of the association it owuld help to have an eralier sentence on this). Then the sentence seems to contradict itself on the clothing line - first they continue it, then it is 'on hold (should be "on hold"), then it is internet only sales - which is correct?
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)