Wikipedia:Peer review/Edward Coke/archive1

Edward Coke
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'm hoping to shove it up at FAC, and would like a decent screen and copyedit beforehand. Ironholds (talk) 02:14, 31 August 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, Ironholds (talk) 02:14, 31 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Comments from Nikkimaria
 * Coke's Reports redirects to this article
 * Captions that aren't complete sentences shouldn't end in periods
 * Source links for File:Court_of_King's_Bench.JPG are dead
 * File:Richard_Bancroft_from_NPG.jpg: it was donated before 1939, but was it displayed at that time? Same with File:John_Selden_from_NPG_cleaned.jpg
 * As works owned by the United Kingdom's national gallery, I would imagine so.
 * In any case, precisely why does it matter? With the age of the figures depicted, and the fact that both are (presumably) life portraits, the works would be out of copyright by a couple of centuries by 1939.
 * "William Coke in the hundred of South Greenhoe" - what's the meaning of "hundred" in this context?
 * Hundred (county subdivision); fixed.
 * Why is Dr. Bonham's Case italicized but Lord Cromwell's Case is not?
 * Fixed.
 * Is any more information available about Dacre's challenge?
 * None that I'm aware of.
 * Don't repeat wikilinks, especially not in close proximity - for example, you link Statute of Uses twice in three paragraphs
 * Fixed; let me know if you find any others.
 * Solicitor-General or Solicitor General? Attorney-General or Attorney General? statute of Monopolies or Statute of Monopolies? Magna Carta or Magna Carta? Check for internal consistency throughout
 * Fixed
 * "600,000 marks" - I'm assuming this is currency? If so, is there either a more specific name or a page to link the term to?
 * Fixed.
 * "ex officio oath that deliberately trapped people" - in what way?
 * If they told the court what the court wanted to hear, they were guilty. If they told the court they were innocent, they were lying, and therefore breaking the oath, and therefore guilty.
 * "based on their internal thoughts" - as opposed to external? Suggest "private thoughts and beliefs" or otherwise rephrasing
 * Fixed.
 * "From Bacon's point of view, the King's Bench was a far more precarious position for someone loyal to the common law rather than the monarch.[120] His first case of note..." - "his" here seems to refer to Bacon
 * Fixed.
 * "This was followed by a wave of protest occurred at the expansion of the system" - check grammar/meaning
 * Fixed.
 * What is "lieved"?
 * No idea, but it doesn't appear in the article text.
 * Was any explanation given for the search and seizure of Coke's manuscripts?
 * Nope, but given that he'd spent the last couple of decades getting on the royal tits it's fairly clear.
 * "On 13 August 1582 Coke married Bridget Paston, daughter of John Paston, a Counsellor from Norwich.[165] Paxton came from a long line of lawyers and judges – William's great grandfather, another William Paston" - confused. Who is the first William? Are Paxton and Paston the same person? If so, is it Bridget or John?
 * Fixed.
 * "who his daughter declared was..." - do we know which daughter?
 * not to my knowledge.
 * "The fifth part, published in 1605, is arranged similarly, while the sixth (1607) is the first to include post-1605 cases" - seeing as the sixth was the first to be published after 1605, it seems only logical for it to be the first to include post-1605 cases. Am I missing something?
 * Fixed.
 * "Coke had no truck for such concepts" - what does this mean? Nikkimaria (talk) 17:12, 18 September 2011 (UTC)


 * I'll be reviewing this shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 21:46, 5 October 2011 (UTC)

Comments from
 * You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at as I would at FAC.
 * Lead:
 * Shouldn't bold "Sir", it's not his name.
 * I detest the habit of putting in incomprehensible abbreviations after the name in the lead sentence... what the heck does SL and PC mean? Yes, it's linked, but it's not obvious and you lose the reader when you do it.
 * Jargon alert: "before earning enough political favour to be returned to Parliament" ... elected or selected? Non-Brit's aren't going to understand the "returned to" bit
 * "...he led the prosecution in several notable cases, including Robert Devereux, Sir Walter Raleigh and the Gunpowder Plot conspirators."... wouldn't it be "he led the prosecution in several notable cases, including those against Robert Devereux, Sir Walter Raleigh and the Gunpowder Plot conspirators."?
 * "During his time as an MP he wrote and campaigned..." MP isn't explained
 * "to grant patents" .. need explanation of "patents"
 * You've linked "Dr Bonham's Case" twice in the lead .. once in the 2nd paragraph and once in the 3rd.
 * Need to explain briefly what the Third/Fourth/Sixteenth amendments to the US Constitituon are. Also probably do NOT need to link United States in the last sentence.
 * Family background:
 * "can be traced back approximately 400 years before Edward Coke's birth, to a William Coke in the hundred of South Greenhoe, now Swaffham." Suggest since we haven't really introduced Edward's birth year yet, that we state "back to 1150" or whatever. Also, is it clear and provable that these guys were Edward's ancestors?
 * "barrister" is double linked ... once in the first paragraph, once in the second.
 * "Bencher of Lincoln's Inn who" Bencher??? Jargon.
 * Shouldn't it be "Winifred Knightley" without her married name added?
 * "A property trafficker, Bozoun was noted for his piety and strong business acumen..." no clue what "property trafficker" is...
 * "with the eventual goal being that by sixth-form level the students have learnt" sixth-form? No clue what that is either.
 * Education:
 * ARGH! Another link to Dr Bonham's Case!
 * And another "barrister" link also!
 * And double linking "Inner Temple" - last sentence in third paragraph and second sentence in fourth paragraph...
 * And double linking "called to the Bar" - second paragraph and fourth
 * Practice:
 * Really.. .ANOTHER link to barrister in the first paragraph??? I think we've got it...
 * You've already linked Earl Arundel and Thomas Gawdy earlier, really don't need to link them here too.
 * You mention the "Howards" without explicitly linking them to the Dukes of Norfolk...
 * Attorney General:
 * I think we're missing some essential background to the politics of the reign here ... I'm quite at a loss as to why Coke is being berrated by the Queen and why Bacon is opposed to him and why he was supported by the Cecils but opposed by the Devereux's...
 * Double linking - Church of England - last paragraph of Solicitor and second paragraph of Attorney General
 * "Devereux was found guilty and executed; the Earl of Southampton reprieved." I think it's a bit TOO short here... suggest "Devereux was found guilty and executed; the Earl of Southampton was reprieved."
 * James:
 * "...and the Cokes immediately began ingratiating themselves with the new royals. Elizabeth Hatton, Coke's wife, travelled to Scotland itself..." First, when did he marry??? And second, "Scotland itself"? suggest removing "itself" as it's merely fluff.
 * "...according to one of Coke's biographers..." who?
 * Probably need to explain who Arabella Stuart is...
 * Court:
 * Who said "could hardly fail to produce an atmosphere in which principles and issues would crystallize, in which logic would supplant reasonableness"?
 * I think the sentence starting "The High Commission tried people for heresy, based on their private .." probably belongs after the sentence starting "His first target was the Court of High Commission, an ecclesiastical court established by the monarch with near unlimited power..."
 * Don't we have a link for "non-conformity"? I'm afraid that some readers may think non-conformity to say fashion or something else...
 * link for "writs of prohibition"?
 * "On 6 November 1608, the common law judges and members of the High Commission were summoned before the King and told that they would argue and allow him to decide.[101] Unable to even argue properly, instead "[standing] sullen, merely denying each others' statements", the group were dismissed and reconvened a week later." this makes no sense to me, they were told they would argue and then they weren't allowed to? Why weren't they allowed to?? And who is the source of the quotation?
 * This last paragraph is entirely too much quotation and needs some sort of secondary sourcing rather than the long strings of quotes.
 * Dr Bonham's Case:
 * The second sentence of the last paragraph is very long and convoluted and I got lost somewhere in it and couldn't figure out why I got lost but I still got lost and it should probably be broken down into two or three parts instead. (grins).
 * "Academics have argued that Coke's work in ..." which academics? The next phrase implies only ONE academic argues this...
 * King's Bench:
 * "...presumably because Bacon and the king..." you've consistently used "King" before this.
 * "which James I used in this case to allow Richard Neile to maintain his bishopric and associated revenues without actually performing the duties"... Maintain? I think you mean "which James I used in this case to allow Richard Neile to hold his bishopric"... And why are we using "james I" here? There is no real need to, since the next royal James isn't close in time frame...
 * "This was greeted by "deep resentment" in the country" why the quote for "deep resentment"? Who thought that?
 * Likewise "and set up a commission to "purge" the Reports" Why is purge in quotes?
 * And same for "some "colorable excuses" were produced" and "uttering "high words of contempt" as a judge"?
 * Return to politics:
 * "... who "expected support from Privy Councillor Coke and had no inkling of the trouble he was bringing on his own head"." who is the source of this quote? At first, I thought it was the king, but surely not...
 * Monopolies:
 * "To boost England's economy, Edward II began encouraging foreign workmen and inventors to settle in England, offering "letters of protection" that protected them from guild policy on the condition that they train English apprentices and pass on their knowledge. The first recorded letter of protection was given in 1331." Okay, if Edward II did them first, the date is wrong, or if the date is right, we have the wrong king - Edward II was deposed in 1327 (and most likely died later that year).
 * "offering "letters of protection" that protected" why is letters of protection in quotes?
 * "The letters did not grant a full monopoly; rather they acted as an extended passport, allowing foreign workers to travel to England and practice their trade." PASSPORT?? I hardly think that any passports were issued during Edward II or III's reign...
 * "because of the potential for raising revenue; A patentee was" why is A in capitals?
 * Why is "These "odious monopolies" led" in quotes?
 * Who said "which were "now grown like hydras' heads; they grow up as fast as they are cut off"."?
 * "This was followed by a wave of protest at the expansion of the system." Expansion of what system? The last system mentioned is the system of removing monopolies ...
 * "and he would "give Life to it, without alteration", but by" why is that phrase in quotes?
 * Liberty:
 * "The common law judges declared this to be illegal..." who are the common law judges?
 * Petition:
 * "churchbells" shouldn't that be two words?
 * Retirement:
 * "When Parliament was dissolved in 1629, Charles took the decision to govern without one..." "took the decision"??? Odd phrasing.
 * "As he was on his deathbed the Privy Council ordered for his house and chambers to be searched..." "ordered for his house" odd phrasing.
 * Personal life:
 * Was Bridget an only child?
 * "Paston was noted as an "incomparable" woman who had "inestimable value clearly manifested by the eulogies which are lavished on her character"." who stated this?
 * "descrbed as "enchanting, with a legend for every turret... A splendid gallery ran the length of the house, the Great Hall was built around six massive oaks which supported the roof as they grew"" who states this?
 * ""at the wrong time"," why is this in quotes?
 * Likewise "abject submission"?
 * Reports:
 * Why is "in the traditional manner" in quotes?
 * Likewise "such as could be found"?
 * INstitutes:
 * Why is "ostensibly" in quotes?
 * Who said "It was a double vision; the Institutes as authority, the Reports as illustration by actual practise"?
 * "it was carried to the United States" .. awkward ... exported?
 * "where it was first printed domestically in 1812" .. domestically is confusing here, suggest removing it.
 * Jurisprudence:
 * Who said "what amounted to an infinity of wisdom"?
 * Who said "a sort of anti-textbook, a work whose very form denied that legal knowledge could be organised. The original edition could not be used for reference purposes, as Coke had published it without an index...It is a book to be 'read in' and lived with, rather than consulted, a monument to the uselessness of merely written knowledge unless it is internalised in a trained professional mind"?
 * Why is "intellectual beauty" in quotes?
 * Character:
 * Why is "these things were side matters" in quotes?
 * Why is "purile insulting remarks" in quotes?
 * General:
 * One thing I'm noticing is the large number of unattributed quotations throughout the text. As a general rule, if you quote something, you need to state who said it in the text, not just relegate this to a footnote. Otherwise you risk the implication that it is Wikipedia itself that holds those views.


 * Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 22:50, 5 October 2011 (UTC)