Wikipedia:Peer review/Elsie J. Oxenham/archive1

Elsie J. Oxenham
I've listed this article for peer review because…Elsie J. Oxenham is a major figure in early 20th-century children's literature, particularly in the field of books for girls. Often seen by non-specialists as a 'school story' author, her range is much wider, and her influence on other writers, such as Elinor M. Brent-Dyer has also been claimed (though not by me in this article, as there has been some questioning of this by EBD's fans). Her books are widely collected, and there are several Appreciation Societies worldwide. I would be grateful for some help in bringing this article to FA, or at least A status,

Thanks,

Abbeybufo (talk) • (contribs) 11:30, 30 September 2007 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR t 00:38, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
 * Thanks for this - points addressed on that page - Abbeybufo (talk) • (contribs) 19:03, 1 October 2007 (UTC)

Just a couple quick comments. You should probably expand the introductory section (see WP:LEAD) and watch out for POV concerns, unless you cite them. In particular, I'm seeing "best-loved." Though "best-known" seems like an encyclopedic term, "best-loved" is certainly a value judgment. If it's worth keeping so high up, it's worth citing. You should also consider Wikifying this section a bit more. Oh, all your section headings shouldn't be capitalized other than the first letter or in the case of a proper noun. The article also has quite a few long sentences - make it easier on the readers by breaking them up. A great example is the first sentence under "Short biography" - it's a real mouthful. Another awkward sentence comes up in the Australia subheading under "Appreciation societies": In Australia there has been a society since 1985, The Abbey Girls of Australia, which has a magazine, The Abbey Guardian. Can this be written into a more comfortable sentence (or two)? You'll also want to source like crazy. A good rule of thumb (in my personal opinion) is a citation every other sentence. You're definitely off to a good start with the sources you're using; see if you can find more. I'll also recommend that the "Short biography" section really should be a "Long biography." This is, after all, an article about the woman, not about her works. Right now it's very much overshadowed by other stuff, especially the "Books and series" section. Oh, a personal recommendation might be to consider a "Legacy" section that includes the "Appreciation Societies" and the "Seat at Cleeve Abbey" under one heading, maybe using "Place in children's literature" as the main part.

Well, I hope I was helpful. Best of luck in continuing to build up this article!! --Midnightdreary 01:09, 7 October 2007 (UTC)


 * Thanks for this - I've addressed several of your points, will do a bit more over the next few days. I'm very grateful for your input -- Abbeybufo ( talk  •  contribs ) 09:12, 7 October 2007 (UTC)