Wikipedia:Peer review/Enugu/archive2

Enugu
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to see it brought up to Featured Article quality. The article is already a Good article, and I think that it can be FA quality with a little bit of cleaning up. I would like a copy editing specifically, and the more editors that review the article better.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Ukabia - talk 20:45, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article - Wikipedia definitely needs more content on Africa. Unfortunately I this needs more than a little bit of cleanup to be ready for FAC yet, but here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:22, 8 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Peer review is not a place where copyedits are typically done - instead it is a place to point out issues that need to be resolved before FAC. There are some options for finding copyeditors. There are people willing to do them listed at the bottom of WP:PR/V and the Guild of Copyeditors is another place to ask.
 * I will try to point out some problem areas, though I will not point out places that just need a copy edit. Instead what I point out will be places where not only is a copyedit needed, but the article is also unclear, or where more detail is needed.
 * Lead The name Enugu is derived from the two Igbo words Enu Ugwu meaning "top of the hill" or "Hill top", named after Enugwu Ngwo which coal was found under and denoting the city's hilly geography. First off, since the lead is a summary of the rest of the article, it should have less detail than the body of the article. However, saying "top of the hill" or "Hill top" is too much detail for the lead, and I note the body of the article does not repeat "top of the hill". Second why is "Hill top" capitalized? Third, the link to Ngwo is to an article on a village or town, but it does not seem to be on the hill implied by the sentence. Fourth and last, the sentence is long and complex and should probably be split into two, or at least cleaned up.
 * Enugu was then renamed simply Enugu. we were never told what it was named before this
 * Try to avoid vague time terms like "today" or "currently" as they can be come out of date - things like "As of 2010" or "Since YEAR" work better. See Today there is no significant coal mining left in the city.
 * Could the years be added here? Enugu became the capital of the Eastern Region after Nigeria's independence; a succession of territory adjustments led to Enugu becoming the capital of what is now Enugu State.
 * Early history - when does the history start? There is no date given until the fifth sentence, when 1690 is given. Is there no archeology indicating any previous human settlements in the area?
 * Problem sentences The Hausa traders provided horses to the Nike which were used for rituals by the Igbo. Both groups migrated back and forth to what is now the City of Enugu and were considered foreigners to the area.[17] There are three groups mentioned in the first sentence (Hausa, Nike, and Igbo), so which are the the two mentioned as "Both groups" in the second sentence? More importantly, even if the Nike are considered part of the Igbo (so there are two groups), who else is around to consider them foreigners? If there were people already there before the Nike, they should be mentioned. I would also include the pronounciation of Nike here, not in the lead.
 * Industrialisation When did the British arrive in the area? One of the FAC criteria is comprehensive coverage, so these gaps in the history would be problems at FAC
 * This seems pretty important and probably should be in the lead Enugu became one of the few cities in West Africa created out of contact with Europeans.[1]
 * The WP:MOS says to put the whole name first on first use, followed by the abbreviation. This is backwards The area now known as the GRA (Government Reserved Area) became the European Quarters located north of the Ogbete River; alongside this was a section developed for African residents located south of the river.
 * Use "double quotes" not 'single quotes' - so fix  The massacre that came to be known as 'The Iva Valley Shooting'[24] fuelled nationalist or "Zikist" sentiments among most Nigerians, and especially amongst Eastern Nigerians.
 * Watch out for gaps in History - nothing has happened in Enugu since 1991? 19 years?
 * Geography - some sort of qualifier needed for "best developed coal" - where? in Nigeria? Africa? the world? Enugu is located in the Cross River basin[38] and the Benue trough, where it has the best developed coal.[39]
 * Make sure units are consistent. Most places put SI (metric) first, then Imperial, but the lead has miles (km). Also the metric tonnes need conversion in  Coal seams in the Enugu coal district measure between 1 and 2 metres (3.3 and 6.6 ft) in thickness and the reserves have been estimated to be more than 300 million tonnes.[39] The convert template works nicely for this.
 * If "City of Enugu" is an official name, it should be in the lead. If it is not, why is City capitalized?
 * Cityscape and architecture This has to be an error - six stories is way too short for the height given in The tallest building in the City of Enugu is the African Continental Bank (ACB) tower located in the Enugu Central Business District (CBD) in Ogui; it has six stories and a height of 750 metres (2,460 ft).[48] A story is roughly 3 - 4 metres tall, but these are 625 m each.
 * In File:Enugu panorama1.jpg, all I really see is the satellite dish. The picture shows me very little of what looks like a city to me.
 * The lead says there is no siginificant coal mining left in the city, then we are told there are 300 million tonnes of coal there, then we are told where the mines are. Are these closed mines? If they are still open, why does the lead say eat it does? If they are outside of Enugu proper, why mention them in this article?
 * Government - I know very little about Nigerian politics or governmental structures, but this leaves me confused. What is the defininition of Enugu city? If it is three separate areas, is ther any sort of overarching government for all of Enugu city? Is there one mayor or one city hall? It sounds like there are not, so what makes the city of Enugu these three LGAs? Also when I add the populations of the LGAs in their articles, I do not get roughly 722,000 (more like 600 K)
 * Demographics Some sort of map of the LGAs and neighborhoods making up Enugu would really help with comprehension
 * Crime - watch WP:RECENTism here. Also, when I think of Nigerian crime, I think of Internet scams - is there any resliable source material on such scammers working from Enugu that could be used here?
 * Culture As a Northern Igbo territory, Enugu shares cultural traits with its neighbouring towns... Is it a territory or a city?
 * Is Mmanwu the same as the Enugu Festival of Arts? ''The Enugu Festival of Arts was started in 1986; it has modernised the Mmanwu festival by transferring it from its traditional village surroundings to the urban setting of Enugu.[83]
 * Watch WP:OVERLINKing - Nnamdi Azikiwe isl inked four times in the article, for example
 * 'Education - the lead seems to say the main university is located outside Enugu itself - if this is true, why is it mentioned in this article? ALso a Teaching Hsopital is not a University (though it may be a part of one)" University Teaching Hospital (UNTH) Enugu, under the university of Nigeria, is another university located in the city.[129]
 * Healthcare - if something is spelled out and its abbreviaton given once in the article, this does not need to be done again, especially in the very next section (one example is UNTH)
 * Healthcare - not sure what knowing Nigeria's emergency services number adds to this article and seems to ignore WP:NOT (not a phone book)
 * Link checker finds two dead links and some others that may be problems. These will need to be fixed.
 * The review was helpful. I have corrected most of the mistakes you have pointed out. Ukabia - talk 16:51, 9 November 2010 (UTC)