Wikipedia:Peer review/Everything I Wanted/archive1

Everything I Wanted


I've listed this article for peer review because the article is at GA right now and is in the process of FAC right now. Some editors recommended a peer review for the article. Any advice is welcome!

Thanks a lot, DarklyShadows (talk) 01:46, 6 July 2020 (UTC)

Lead
 * Finneas full name does not need to be mentioned here, since you explain the difference between his real and stage names in the body
 * On the second mention, do not reintroduce him as her brother
 * "It was described as a" → "It is a" since this is the lead after all
 * "It has been certified by several" → "It has received several"

Background and release
 * Mention that Finneas reported she was working on new music
 * Instead of "in December 2019", write "the following month" since you used a month already in that sentence by putting November
 * Split the Beats by Dre and cover art statements into two separate sentences, plus swap the order of the Golden Gate Bridge description and mentioning of who made the cover
 * The word "back" is unnecessary, as September 2018 is that sentence's only date

Composition and lyrics
 * "is moderately fast at 120 beats per minute (BPM)." → "has a moderately fast tempo of 120 beats per minute (BPM)."
 * "minimalist production that consists of" → "minimalist production, consisting of"
 * "Eilish feels about fame. Though" → "Eilish feels about fame; though"
 * "the song is about how" → "the song discusses how"
 * "over and over again;" → "over and over again,"

Reception
 * "tribute to her brother, Finneas"." → "tribute" from Eilish to Finneas."
 * "displayed the message" → "displays the message"
 * "She furthermetioned that" → "She further mentioned that"
 * "Brent Furdyk writing for" → "Brent Furdyk, writing for"
 * "However, not all reviews were positive. Writing for" → "In a mixed review for" as the previous sentence is not needed since that is not a new paragraph
 * "second top ten hit" → "second top 10 hit"
 * "It has been awarded several" → "The song has been awarded several"

Music video
 * Incorrect speech marks are used to open the first quote here
 * "The two's stares are blank," → "The stares of the two are blank,"
 * "a dreamscape she imagined." → "a dreamscape that she imagined."
 * Add a new para for the reception
 * Fix the punctuation that is inside quotes at points here, not counting full sentences of course
 * Nylon → Nylon

Live performances and other usages
 * Retitle to Live performances and other usage
 * Mention that the Steve Jobs performance was that same month
 * "on her setlist" → "included on her setlist"
 * "In April that year, Eilish and Finneas" → "In April of that year, the two"
 * "Cooper played with" → "Cooper played alongside"
 * "saying Cooper and his band slowly" → "saying they slowly"
 * "but he felt drawn to the track" → "but felt drawn to the track"

I remembered passing this for GA a few months ago, but thought I would take on the peer review since it has been some time since then. Overall, the article is mostly fine but I pointed out some issues that stood out to me; did not go in as much detail as I would have for reviewing a FA candidate, but good luck with that nomination in the future! --K. Peake 07:32, 6 August 2020 (UTC)