Wikipedia:Peer review/Ex parte Crow Dog/archive2

Ex parte Crow Dog
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to prepare this article for a FAC review, and it has been two years since the last peer review.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, GregJackP   Boomer!   03:59, 30 June 2012 (UTC)

Comments


 * "lived on the Rosebud Indian Reservation. The Rosebud reservation is located in south central South Dakota on that state's border with Nebraska." can be more succinctly put with "lived on the Rosebud Indian Reservation in south-central South Dakota on its border with Nebraska."
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   12:11, 20 July 2012 (UTC)


 * "The United States, once gold was discovered" is better phrased as "Once gold was discovered WHEN?, the United States..." etc.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   14:41, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "Crow Dog was among the fighters who fought in this war" can be more succinct: "Crow Dog fought in this war"
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   12:11, 20 July 2012 (UTC)


 * "Crow Dog shot and killed Spotted Tail,[fn 4] who was the uncle of Oglala Lakota war leader Crazy Horse": We need to say when this happened.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   15:10, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "which hurt him in the view of many of the tribe": Hurt him how? Did it give rise to questions about his legitimacy?
 * Cited to source stating that it hurt him. It was based on the schism between traditionalist and accommodationist members of the tribe.   GregJackP   Boomer!   15:10, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "the man he later killed, Spotted Tail, did not." needs citation.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   16:51, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "In contrast, Crow Dog was a "traditionalist" and although he had been a captain in the tribal police, he was fired by Spotted Tail sometime after a July 4, 1881, confrontation during which Crow Dog pointed a rifle at Spotted Tail." Needs citation.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   16:51, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "According to most reports": Recommend removal and simply citing this sentence saying he had not been chosen as chief.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   15:10, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "It was believed that the killing itself occurred that day": Who believed this? Who asserts it? Also, "itself" can be excised.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   16:51, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "as the result of two upset men meeting" is better as "as the result of the two men meeting"
 * Done.  GregJackP   Boomer!   14:38, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "It was a later conflict with the Indian Agent that forced the disbanding of the tribal police and Crow Dog's loss of his position." can be more clearly put as "A later conflict with the Indian Agent forced the tribal police to disband, and Crow Dog lost his position."
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   18:05, 21 July 2012 (UTC)


 * The paragraph about the killing needs to be better cited. It's not entirely clear where these different versions of events come from.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   16:51, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * "Matthews then looked at the law dealing with Indians, specifically Revised Statute § 2145 (laws on federal crimes apply to Indian reservations)[16] and § 2146 (exceptions)": I think you can deal with these statutes in a less technical way, saying something like: "statutes on the application of laws and federal crimes to Indian reservations and the exceptions to those rules." Then in the citations or footnotes, note the specific statutes involved. Same goes for the earlier reference to §5339. When you cite the §2146 later, you can simply shorten it as "statute covering exceptions." This sentence also lacks a period.
 * Done.  GregJackP   Boomer!   18:02, 21 July 2012 (UTC)


 * Here's a suggestion: First say: "Matthews noted that Crow Dog was indicted for murder under a statute prohibiting murder on federal land." Then say: "Matthews then looked at the law dealing with Indians, including a statute that applied the prohibition on murder to Indian reservations and another covering exceptions to prosecution." Then cite the specific statutes and their numbers in the footnotes/refs.
 * Done.  GregJackP   Boomer!   18:02, 21 July 2012 (UTC)


 * "Crow Dog had a tremendous impact on tribal sovereignty." Cite.
 * Done. GregJackP   Boomer!   17:27, 2 August 2012 (UTC)


 * This is a nice article. If you want to get it to FA, you might consider expanding the lead, doing some more research on the murder and expanding a bit on where this fits in the Supreme Court's dealings with Native American rights. A lot of this is already there, but could perhaps use some elaboration.--Batard0 (talk) 15:45, 19 July 2012 (UTC)


 * Thanks, I'll get on these suggestions tomorrow.  GregJackP   Boomer!   03:14, 20 July 2012 (UTC)
 * These all look good to me. It's a well-written article. I'd just reiterate that you might consider a slight expansion of the lead as well as additional context about how this fits in with the Supreme Court's treatment of Native American rights. If that can be accomplished, I'd be delighted to support it in FA, if that's where you want to go with it.--Batard0 (talk) 12:14, 3 August 2012 (UTC)