Wikipedia:Peer review/Explorer Scouts/archive1

Explorer Scouts
After using the automated peerreviewer from AndyZ, I've been working to resolve the issues it has thrown up... now that that is done, could I ask for anyone willing to have a look over and see what could be done to this article to further improve on it? Thanks in advance, Horus Kol 16:37, 12 December 2006 (UTC)


 * Comments:
 * Overall expand the article (see Boy Scouts of America, or even better the featured articles at WikiProject Scouting/Article showcase, as examples). The lead is also lacking - though its technically 2 paragraphs, neither paragraph is longer than 3 sentences.
 * I have lengthened the lead and rewritten a couple of sentences as per your suggestions below Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * The note on the top should be indented (use a colon), plus why is there a "is/was"? One or other will suffice.
 * done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * The second paragraph is hard to read through; make it more parallel. The first part of the sentence describes a section; the second part describes Explorers. Other unparallel things in the sentence include the usage of parentheses (either use twice or neither) and "the age of" vs. "years old".
 * done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * This section follows on from the Scout Troop (10 to 14 year olds) and Explorers will move onto the Scout Network at the age of 18.
 * done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * Units can be specialised activity Units, such as Climbing or Water Activities; Units can also be setup to provision for the Young Leader Programme; Sea Explorer Scout or Air Explorer Scout Units continue the Sea Scout or Air Scout programme into the 14-18 age range.
 * Overusage of semicolons
 * Units is redundant, as it appears twice in the first phrase alone
 * Are the Activities actually Units? If not, the modifier, such as…, is misplaced.
 * "setup" can only be used in the noun form.
 * The third part of the sentence is little to do with the rest of the sentence. Make it separate. It is worded a bit weirdly with the "or"s, try: Sea Exporer and Air Exporer Scout Units continue their respective programmes into…. Also, Units aren't 14-18 in age range.
 * I've done a rewrite of this sequence Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * No fair use rationale for Image:Uk-scouts-ex-cl-yl.gif (and the other one)?
 * It's licenced as a Scout Logo which is available for use in material relating to Scouting Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * The "See also" section is virtually blank; the "Further reading" section should only include books not used as references. Instead, delete the "Further reading" section and move its contents into the "See also" section.
 * done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * Per WP:MSH, "Other Activities" -> "Other activities".
 * done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)


 * If you are looking for GA or FA, I suggest foremost the content of the article be expanded. Also, be sure to go through the article and copyedit. Good luck, AZ t 22:05, 14 December 2006 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comments so far, Andy - I've tried to fix the points you have raised here as best as I could. Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)