Wikipedia:Peer review/Fabio Lione/archive1

Fabio Lione
A long time ago I rewrote this article and got it this far, now I thought I might as well take it further and put it onto peer review, and eventually enter it as a FAC. What can be done now? I am thinking about an extension to the lead paragraph, and an addition of References, what else? — Wackymacs 12:17, 27 November 2005 (UTC)


 * The general impression I have is that somebody with good English editing skills needs to go over this page with a fine-toothed comb and polish it up. Some of the sentences need a comma before a "which". A other few examples:


 * While he was studying at technical high school in Pisa. Fabio realized...
 * Fabio met the band Labyrinth, at the time the band was called "Vision", but Fabio later changed the name to "Labyrinth".
 * Rhapsody released "Power of the dragonflame" in March and amazingly raised up the ranks on music charts in various countries.


 * A couple of the sentences also need to be a little more neutral in tone. Thanks. &mdash; RJH 16:09, 1 December 2005 (UTC)